Is it offensive to tell a woman that she looks nice?

Oh wow!!! Did you see that!? Soop came out of lher kitchen! Doesn't happen much these days.

Hello soop.

As a lawyer she ought to know better.

This article in the Telegraph puts it well. Naming and shaming publicly is what has made me feel uncomfortable with this story. If Proudman had told the story without naming the man (and sent him a copy in the hope that he would rad it and think twice about such comments in future), I wouldn'r have a problem with her complaint.

It's the hauling in of mob justice that I dislike. Lynch mobs, even Twitter ones, are barbaric.

All publicity is good publicity, so they say. Cynical? Who, me?

Actually Gracesgran you are not alone.
I was discussing it with DD2 this morning and she said I have 'a lot of internalised misogyny'.

It's easy to see that photo has been souped up as well. The hair hardly even looks real it's been touched up so much. It has been made to look 'stunning', unfortunately the effect is far from professional. I mean the photo doesn't look professionally finished to me. Humph.

I'm assuming it's this one Gracesgran

I cannot for the life of me understand all this silly kafuffle over what was intended to be a compliment. 'nough said.

Luckygirl you have a relationship with your friend and are not in a business/work situation when he greets you.

I think I must be looking at it differently to everyone else Jane as I just don't see it as a problem. Do you have a link to the photo you are looking at as maybe we are not looking at the same one (or I need new glasses )

Gracesgran If you (one) are going to say that women on a business site must be careful of subliminal messages they send out in their photos because men cannot be expected to behave like grown-ups then I would stand by what I said.
That isn't what I said at all. Most men do behave like grown ups. So do most women.
I stand by what I said about Charlotte's photograph, stunning though it is, crossing a professional barrier. Do you think Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss or Dame Helena Kennedy would have put a photo like that on their LinkedIn profiles?

The thing we don't like to accept is that women's appearance is very important for solid biological reasons, just as many male birds' appearance is very important.

Obviously we don't want comments (even positive ones) about our appearance in all circumstances. Are messages such as the one Alex sent private? If so, she could have ignored it or told him, also by private message, what she thought of his comment. Instead she made it a big public song and dance. Attention-seeking, anyone?

If how she looked isn't/wasn't the issue why did she have such a stunning profile pic? He was perfectly correct in saying it is a stunning picture. Other photos of her in the papers because of this hoohah are not stunning at all.

This hoohah issue is that she objected to a comment about her profile pic. Nothing else. I'm not saying she had no right to object, just that it has nothing to do with her career.

What a fuss about nothing! - she should just have ignored it. It is an excellent photo and a cut above the other hazy out-of-focus ones on there.

I do not read it as if he was trying it on. As bags said - if a woman had made the comment all would have been well - or might she have been a lesbian "trying it on" - who knows?

Men are damned all the time for being predatory and objectifying women - it must be so hard to have to watch your every word.

She over-reacted - let us hope she applies a more balanced approach to her professional life.

I have a male friend who is married and he always says "Hello gorgeous" when we meet - I do not feel objectified, and his wife has no problem with it.

If we are going to have equality treated seriously maybe we need to lighten up a bit.

Of course it is relevant to the issue thatbags. She was on LinkedIn to further her career. The whole point is that this is the issue and how she looked is not.

Jane's argument does not lead logically to women being covered from head to foot. Slippery slope arguments, such as that is, are logical fallacies.

Not relevant to the issue, and yes, I did know. The current social media storm is not about her career and what she knows and does about female oppression, FGM and so forth.

I wonder if she would have minded if a woman had commented on the stunningness of her LinkedIn portrait. Probably it wouldn't have seemed so bad anyway because I don't think it would be considered politically incorrect for a woman to comment on another woman's profile pic even via a professional connecting doodah like LinkedIn. I think that such a comment coming from another woman would have been interpreted much more innocently, which is food for thought about equality of expectations.

To extrapolate this situation to accusing me of suggesting that women should be covered in veils is ridiculous.

I didn't accuse you of anything Jane, as I am sure you are aware. What I said was "Your argument would logically lead to women being covered from head to foot in a veil". If you (one) are going to say that women on a business site must be careful of subliminal messages they send out in their photos because men cannot be expected to behave like grown-ups then I would stand by what I said.

This women seems to be doing hugely important work - for women and yet women are picking over to bones of this and are prepared to blame her for his action.

I wonder how many of your realise what this women's career has been about. You can find a resume here

This is a flavour:

Charlotte specialises in advice and representation of in all aspects of family law. Charlotte is a leading expert in forced marriage and has provided pro bono support at Toynbee Hall, the National Centre for Domestic Violence, the Iranian and Kurdish Women's Rights Organisation. In addition, Charlotte researched transnational forced marriage at the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan. Instrumental in the criminalisation of forced marriage, she argued for criminalisation in the Parliament of Sweden, on BBC radio 4 and at Universities across England. Charlotte was invited by Number 10 Downing Street's Policy Unit and the Forced Marriage Unit to advise on criminalisation.

... and we are talking about how she looks in a photograph.

I dont think that the use of social media in a professional context is a minefield.
What minefield?
Just remember it is professional setting.

It seems that there have been other occasions when this man has made inappropriate comments

If that is true, it doesnt surprise me in the slightest.
If someone has got to age 57 and is making inappropriate remarks like that, he is almost bound to have made others.

Gracesgran if you read my earlier posts you will see that I haven't blamed anyone. I said they were both unwise. The main point I was making was that the use of social media in a professional context is a minefield.
To extrapolate this situation to accusing me of suggesting that women should be covered in veils is ridiculous.

Fair point, gg, at 09:36:32 in your second paragraph about CVs.

It is possible though to crtiticise or praise a portrait without criticising or praising the person whose portrait it is. I'm thinking of a recent painting of the queen which I really didn't like. I didn't think it was a good painting.
one can think similar things about photographed portraits. Which is the point I was making.

So Alex was a bit of a twit. I think she was too if she didn't speak to him about it privately first.

No you don't Jane. Blaming the victim is never going to help. If you hit me it is you that is responsible however I have dressed, spoken, etc. You would be just as responsible for inappropriate action in a work situation. Your argument would logically lead to women being covered from head to foot in a veil. For heaven's sake let men take responsibility for their own actions or do you believe they are unable to? Perhaps you think, because they are men they have less responsibility than a woman.

Gracesgran of course it is not wrong to advertise one's professional services.
But if you include photographs of yourself you have to be very careful of what the image is saying about you.
If you want your potential market to focus on your professional standing and abilities, it might be wise to focus your advertising on that.

It seems that there have been other occasions when this man has made inappropriate comments. Maybe she has already experienced too much sexist treatment in her particular workplace and just got really sick of taking it on the chin.
We just don't know do we?