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At what age is it OK to leave a child on their own?

(32 Posts)
CariGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 31-Oct-16 10:34:24

It's one thing popping to the shops for five minutes (but again - what age would you do that from) but leaving a child alone for a whole evening? Or in a hotel room? This story www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/michael-gove-left-son-11-9155789 has provoked much debate - love to know your views

callgirl1 Tue 01-Nov-16 17:34:34

I was left babysitting from about 8 years of age. The first time we went out and left ours alone, the eldest was 12, and we were so worried, we were back home within an hour! They were all disappointed to see us back.

sunseeker Tue 01-Nov-16 08:20:50

I was a latch-key kid too. At 10 I would get home from school, start preparing vegetables and set the table for the evening meal and, in the winter, get the fire started.

Annierose Tue 01-Nov-16 07:47:24

Most of us here will be of an age to remember that Bobby & Ethel Kennedy left their 13 year old son alone in a hotel room in June 1968 (indeed, many of us would have been a similar age, or had a sibling that age, as I did)

We didn't have all-night TV here in the UK, but they did in the USA. He had woken, put on the TV and saw the news of his father. A reporter, wandering the corridor, trying to get quotes heard the child crying, knocked on the door, and was the first to attempt to comfort him.
That stuck with me. I expect Bobby & Ethel expected to be back relatively early.

As for the original question, it does depend on so many factors, and for me, the extra 4 hours has a great deal of significance (and makes me wonder why they stayed on so long?)

JessM Tue 01-Nov-16 07:36:35

Hotel porters are probably not DBS checked!
Kids can have a bad dream and wake up feeling disorientated and scared. Particularly in a strange place.
I feel sorry for the young of the Goves. Enough to give anyone a nightmare.
I would not leave child in the house below 13/14 because homes are where most accidents take place. One DS when a teenager managed to break his leg when in the house on his own by knocking over some plaster boards the builders had left.
There is loads of scope for injuring oneself in the kitchen alone, if they decided to make a snack or a hot drink.
I did once allow DS1 to travel from Paddington to Swansea on his own because he was desperate to see his DGM. smile
Sat him next to an older woman who was travelling all the way and he was fine. But kids don't have a lot of scope to be not fine on intercity trains where they are getting on at the terminal off at the last stop. And lots of kids do unaccompanied flights with the staff looking after them at each end.

grannypiper Tue 01-Nov-16 07:25:49

I looked after my 3 nephews aged 1,2 and 5 for the weekend when i was only 9 whilst my sister went house hunting in another town. Twice I also traveled on the night train from S.W Scotland to London Euston, across London then on to Kent on my own aged 11, the train was full of very loud Northern Irish men boozing away but i never felt unsafe, my father put me on the train and told the guys to look after me and they did.

Anya Tue 01-Nov-16 07:14:03

Good point niggly

BlueBelle Tue 01-Nov-16 07:03:14

If youre in the public eye and enjoying the money and perks that go with it then you have to expect public interest Niggly why shouldn't people have an opinion on things like this He was wrong and if it had been a different person they would have been castigated. What is the difference apart from the child being slightly older between this and Madelain McCann, the McCanns were hung drawn and quartered for Madeleine's disappearance Can you imagine the headlines if the parents were from a council estate or were Muslims

nigglynellie Tue 01-Nov-16 06:50:11

No law was broken and we don't know the full story. Perhaps this is none of our business?!

Penstemmon Mon 31-Oct-16 23:01:33

I think it was quite a long time to leave the child even if they had nodded to the porter to keep an eye on him. Many hotels have a babysitting service where they will provide guests with a list of DBS checked babysitters. I would have thought that Gove and Vine could afford to pay someone to watch TV in their room for the evening with their son.
If they got delayed/ caught up unexpectedly and so stayed longer than intended they could have called the hotel and asked them to check on their child and reassure. All in all not very responsible parenting. Glad no harm came to the kid. I really dislike Gove and feel I am being really generous to him here thlgrin

GailMarie1958 Mon 31-Oct-16 22:35:46

A child of 11 can be capable of physically taking care of themselves for a while, BUT emotionally they can soon feel vulnerable when left alone, they need to feel safe, they need to be able to call out and know your there and they certainly need you to be back when you say you will.
I started babysitting in the evening at 14 but not for long and only if parents were local, still had a sitter until l was 16 if out for a late night.

Anya Mon 31-Oct-16 22:27:26

I used to walk down the hill to the bus stop (about half a mile) get the bus there from Port Glasgow to Greenock, about 5 miles away, get off and walk the rest of the way to school.

I was 6.

durhamjen Mon 31-Oct-16 22:12:08

Bet your friends never did it again, Elegran. What happened at the police station?

Deedaa Mon 31-Oct-16 22:10:22

DS has reminded me that we left him on his own when he was 11. But that was at home with the next door neighbour keeping an eye on him and us coming back when we said we would.

An 11 year old in a hotel full of strangers whose parents stay out for several hours longer than expected and don't answer their phones is something else. Surely if your phone rings while you are out the first thing you think is "Is the child all right?"

MargaretX Mon 31-Oct-16 21:14:23

On Andrew Marr Rachel Johnson said that the son of Gove was dog sitting 2 dogs in the hotel room.
I think its too young for our sheltered children when you realise what 10 and 12 year olds in other parts of the world have to do.

Elegran Mon 31-Oct-16 20:34:37

Friends went out for a meal leaving a teenage babysitter. They were delayed home by five minutes after their promised return, to find the house empty and the children nowhere to be seen. The babysitter's Mum had come round for her and carted her off home in high dudgeon. The eldest boy (about 12) had woken, found no adults in the house, got the rest of the children up and dressed and marched them all round to the police station.

MaizieD Mon 31-Oct-16 19:53:45

On the only occasion we did leave the children in a UK hotel room (aged about 10 & 12 I think) while we went for a meal we came back to find they'd ordered all sorts of expensive stuff from room service...grin

rubylady Mon 31-Oct-16 19:44:54

We left my ED in bed on holiday in Florida while we were outside at the pool, not far away, she was 12 years old at the time. The door was locked so I thought she was safe.

On our arrival back, my ED said that a maintenance man had been into the room. I went to reception and went ballistic. Anything could have happened to her. It didn't, but it could have. My ex husband didn't see why I was getting so upset and angry as she was ok. (No wonder I divorced the k***).

I can't remember now what they did apart from apologise but it was quite scary and she was really old enough to be left on her own in a hotel room for a sleep while we were just outside.

Jalima Mon 31-Oct-16 16:43:47

I used to be left to make the beds and do the breakfast dishes from the age of about 10 when DM went to work shock
But that was in our own home.

rosesarered Mon 31-Oct-16 16:39:40

I was a latchkey child at about 9 and onwards ( a lot were) we were sensible though, and it was our own house.No, I would not leave an 11 year old in a hotel room for more than a couple of hours.

durhamjen Mon 31-Oct-16 16:32:48

I wonder which experts Gove will listen to on this.

Jalima Mon 31-Oct-16 14:41:59

The party wasn't even in the same hotel and they told the staff they would be back at 9.30 pm (apparently) and got back at 1.30 am (apparently).

MaizieD Mon 31-Oct-16 14:23:51

I was a latch key child before I left Primary school, but it was only for a short period of time before my sister got home from secondary school. I used to revive the damped down fire on my own when I got home in the winter...At age 11 I was cycling 3-4 miles to school and back on my own...

I think I would have been happy to leave an 11 year old for a couple of hours, along with something for him/her to do (what, child had no TV, no Ipad, no books?) and mobile number for emergency. And telling them what time to expect me back.

What I find really bad about the story is the lovely parents ignoring attempts to contact them. If they'd told their son they'd be back about 9.30 he must have been frantic with worry when they were much later and couldn't be contacted. It was a horrible thing to do to the poor child.

durhamjen Mon 31-Oct-16 14:18:41

Should this be in 'Not much of a role model'?

I used to look after my sisters at that age if both my parents were at work, but there was always a next door neighbour to go to if there was a problem, and it was only for a couple of hours at the most.
My brother was supposed to be in charge of all of us, but he went out to play with his mates as soon as my mother had left to go to work. She used to do work 6-10 p.m. at a hospital within walking distance. I can't remember there ever being a problem.

There was a long discussion on the radio this morning about it.
As someone said, if it had been a single mother on a council estate whose son had been found wandering the street, he would possibly have been taken into care.
My first thought was Madeleine McCann, but nobody mentioned her on the radio this morning.

trisher Mon 31-Oct-16 14:05:01

I was a latch key child as well, but I had strict instructions about what I was allowed to do and was safe in my own house. I wasn't wandering around hotel corridors until my parents came home at 1.30 am. It was lucky that it was the hotel porter who found him, could have been anyone.
If he was anyone else social services would be asking questions

felice Mon 31-Oct-16 11:05:06

I wonder how the parents of Madeliene McCann feel when reading these stories.
We lived very near their apartment a few years before in Portugal. We never left the children alone in the evenings.
We travelled a lot with the children and always organised childcare if we were going to be in the Hotel restaurant.
The very beautiful young woman who babysat in Singapore prompted X to quietly say that he would like to be babysat too. DS2 who was 13 at the time was so well behaved we would have liked to have brought her home with us.
Seriously you never know who is staying in Hotels, who has been watching your family, I could never have relaxed if they were alone.