Brexit dividing my family.

I too put distance between myself and people with a lack of empathy for how their decisions affect others, especially their own grandchildren

I distance myself from people who are openly racist and they usually turn out to be people that don't share my political views.

And then you ‘distance’ them because they don’t share your views? What if your own children/grandchildren didn’t share your views on every single thing? Please tell me you wouldn’t do the same to them? Does everyone in your circle have to agree with you, on everything, all the time?

You surprise me as I consider you to be broader minded than that jura2

lemongrove ''I will not fall out with anyone for the way they voted in the referendum or the way they vote in any GE.
In my view there’s something wrong with people who do so.''

as said, I have not fallen out with anybody- but I have put distance. It is not about a 'vote' it is about the reasons to do so, the motives and the total lack of empathy for others who will be very seriously affected by said 'vote'. If you had children and grandchildren whose lives were going to be made very difficult, in so many ways, who will truly suffer because of that vote- and you refused to understand and see that- then ...

As for not saying how you voted - well I am sorry- but if you talk to people, and they tell you how they feel about x, y, z- or Johnson, or Corbyn- it is usually very obvious. I am afraid I come from a family, and so does OH, where we talk about all sorts, and not just the weather, village gossip and platitudes- thank goodness.

love0c, from another thread. Even our top civil servants know what is REALLY going on.

Alexandra Hall Hall, the lead envoy for Brexit in the British Embassy in Washington, said that she had become increasingly dismayed by the demands placed on the British civil service to deliver messages on Brexit which were not "fully honest."

Hall Hall, a 33-year veteran of the UK foreign service, and a former ambassador to Georgia, said UK institutions had been undermined and the reputation of British democracy abroad had been imperiled.

"I have been increasingly dismayed by the way in which our political leaders have tried to deliver Brexit, with reluctance to address honestly, even with our own citizens, the challenges and trade-offs which Brexit involves; the use of misleading or disingenuous arguments about the implications of the various options before us; and some behaviour towards our institutions, which, were it happening in another country, we would almost certainly as diplomats have received instructions to register our concern," she wrote in her letter, dated December 3.

"It makes our job to promote democracy and the rule of law that much harder, if we are not seen to be upholding these core values at home."

Hall Hall said she could no longer reconcile her commitment to the job with the demands made of her. "I am also at a stage in life where I would prefer to do something more rewarding with my time, than peddle half-truths on behalf of a government I do not trust," she wrote in the letter.

edition.cnn.com/2019/12/06/uk/top-british-diplomat-quits-brexit-intl/index.html

I've only lost brexiteer friends who suddenly became openly racist and nasty about their opinion

Another rude post. After reading your post Varian I beg to differ. I think it is you a who have been brainwashed.

I do have some friends (not close friends but we live in a small village so try to treat everyone as friends) who voted leave in the fraudulent referendum of 2016 and will almost certainly vote for our useless ERG member Tory candidate because they read the Telegraph or the Daily Mail.. In other ways they are nice folk so I try not to fall out with them but I think they have been brainwashed into believing lies.

Fortunately all of our extended family are thoughtful, well informed Remainers, except for one very elderly relative who is coming here at Xmas so we will not confront him or attempt to explain the folly of his ways.

Quite a few 'remainers' on here being rude about the 'leavers'. Not seen a 'leaver 'being rude about a 'remainer'. Although I voted leave I can assure you I am not a racist. The decision to leave or remain is not all about immigration. Not in my mind.

I don’t know how most of my family & friends voted. I can make a guess at some of them but that’s all it would be - a guess, and I could be wrong. Nor do I have a clue how most of them vote in any kind of election. It’s not my business to ask and they don’t volunteer the information. I don’t even tell my dh how I vote.

Maybe I’m lucky but I don’t seem to have any racists in the circles I move in.

DS was furious with me for voting leave and when I asked him how he'd voted; he hadn't!

jura2 you have said many times how awful some of your relatives are, they say ignorant racist things etc.Well, that’s those relatives ....not everybody you know, and I assure you
I do ‘get it’ but yes, it is a difference of opinion, we have a different point of view of staying in the EU or leaving.
I will not fall out with anyone for the way they voted in the referendum or the way they vote in any GE.
In my view there’s something wrong with people who do so.

When I meet up with friends and family, the very last thing we talk about is politics, voting or Brexit. We talk about events that have happened since we last met; the children; family matters.... anything but ruddy Brexit. Apart from one family memeber, I have absolutely no idea how my friends and family voted in the referendum. They have no idea how I voted. Why on earth would you allow this to cause division between you and your friends and family? And if your friends/family are racist, why did you wait until after a referendum to move away from them?

Quite agree! Brexit has divided families. My friend voted leave, as I did. Her son in Ireland voted remain. Her son was terrible towards her. It caused no end of upset. One of my DIL's is a staunch Labour supporter and also voted remain. Our son told us never to talk politics with her as she falls out with anybody who disagrees with her. She talks politics when we are there but we mustn't give our opinion! I am quite happy for people to disagree. So sad when so many people can not do the same!

The miners strike divided families in the 80s.
But you knew whose side you were on, everybody did.
I never say who I vote for ever. My tongue is so bitten but it saves bother.

I don’t understand why anyone should fall out over how they vote. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and vote accordingly. I voted remain but have friends/family who voted leave - hasn’t impacted on any friendships. It will be the same for the GE - my best friend is voting for the opposite party to me so we will cancel each other out.

Or smile sweetly and ignore them.

Hot heads and opinionated people will always find something to fall out about.

Brexit
Climate change
Veganism
Religion
Private education
The BBC
Gender inequality
etc

Best to learn to agree to disagree and move on.
?

Two of my longstanding friends voted leave and neither of them have a racist bone in their bodies. In fact one of them speaks several languages and I confess to being surprised when I noticed she was promoting the leave campaign on her FB page as she is fluent in French and Italian and spends a lot of time in both countries. I haven't asked her, and she has never proffered, her reasons for voting as she did. She is a warm, witty, kind woman and although politically we are worlds apart we have been close friends for forty years.

This why you should keep your vote private - if you can't agree to be civilised about differing opinions.

I have close relatives who voted differently in the referendum, but wouldn't dream of falling out over it.

A lot of my friends a relatives voted leave, that’s fine by me - I just reply to any comment “ all this mess is your fault” - end of conversation.

Over the coming years I’m sure I shall be saying the same many more times, we are a long way from any benefits.

My family was split. My mother, who has since died, voted to leave, after being heavily influenced by my "leave" brother.
I asked her how she could do this when the effect on her grandchildren could be devastating and she had no response.
My brother continues to spout is racist nationalistic twaddle to anyone who will listen and posts disgusting right wing stuff on facebook. My sons were left feeling that this part of their family didn't care about their futures.

The worst thing about the present situation is that 3 years later my mother is dead and it won't affect her one way or another. A couple of weeks ago I had a team of fire alarm installers in my office. 3 young men, the oldest 20 and with a partner and a child, the other two in their late teens, hard working and customer friendly young men. They confirmed that none of them had had the opportunity to vote, and they were not too happy to be bound by this decision when they would be so profoundly affected by it.
There must be a second referendum.

The only family member that voted leave was my 96 year old mil who has since died. She was overtly racist and I avoided her because of that ( plus she was horrible to most people she was related to).

I have friends and relatives with the same and differing views on Brexit.. None of us has fallen out with anyone over it. How silly , what would that solve ?

We have not allowed ourselves to fall out with anyone. And we have never discussed it, as we knew it was dangerous ground with some people. But we deliberately keep away from some people, some very close to us- ad we have experienced that it is THEM that will insist on discussing it - and us who have to quietly walk away, lest it would affect our relationship- some very long term.

If you invite someone, who arrive and throw the DM on the table, and say 'thought you needed some factual reading' and not joking either...what do you do- espcially if they are sataing for 10 days. You take it, diffuse, talk about the weather and the food, and anything else-but they insist on bringing it back to B - and you diffuse some more, and take the dog for a walk .. but you also know, that things will never be the same. Sad, but true. And this is not about 'a difference of opinion' but all that stands behind it all... enough.