Should there be apologies made for adoptions

There is little point in an apology from the government - it would mean nothing to me.
It was a different era then - "you can't bring the baby back here" "you will have to go away" etc. At 16 you are frightened and have no idea what to do. It is only as time passes you realise how cruel it all was.
Fortunately we have a more tolerant society now and more support, all those years ago there was none.

I suppose an apology acts as an acknowledgement and hopefully considers this will never happen again. The recent changes to welfare and cuts to services, the signing of papers if a third child if conceived by rape for example to claim child benefit is happening now. We can't just pretend everything is ok, there is still some way to go. Misogyny is rife.

I'm sorry to all of you who have been personally affected. There are stories within my own family and they all deeply affected those concerned

P.S. Yes, theworriedwell. You are right. My mother's parents played a big part in forcing her to give me away.

theworriedwell thanks for that lovely reminder about what your mum said. My mum said that to me and I remember saying that to my DD.
Your school must have been better at sex-Ed than mine. All I remember learning was about frogs and chickens!

I'm one of those babies whose mothers were forced to give away, but I was born in the late 1930's.
So I was fostered and eventually adopted.
I see absolutely no point in any sort of apology from the government. There are probably no end of things that various governments could or should apologise for, but I think it's pointless.

eazybee

The people who should be apologising are the males who impregnated the girls in the first place then refused to stand by them. Difficult in the case of the Spanish waiter, the fifteen-year old schoolboy and the thrice married American serviceman who returned home immediately, but not the fault of the government and not the fault of the parents.

People forget there were no benefits for unmarried mothers, little child benefit, no nursery care to allow the mother to work and the almost impossibility of a single woman with a child able to live independently.
The burden for raising the child fell almost entirely on the maternal grandmother, she who was probably also supporting elderly parents or beginning a return to work to earn much needed income. A great credit that so many parents did support their daughters' children, but some understanding needs to be shown to those who didn't.

A very tragic and traumatic experience, but one that has largely been resolved since the 40s, 50s and 60s.
The past was a different country, and they did things differently there, for reasons we are forgetting.

My great aunt had an illegitimate baby in the 1920s. She was from a very strict Methodist family and from what I understand her parents were quite harsh. She got pregnant at 16. Her parents let her keep the baby, her relationship with her daughter was something I saw for myself in the 1960s. It wasn't all roses and my mother always said she was kept as a skivvy but she did keep her baby.

It wasn't governments, it wasn't agencies, it was parents who wouldn't allow or help their daughters to keep their babies. Too late for an apology from most of them. Yes they were probably embarrassed in front of the neighbours, yes people would probably have pointed the finger but would you put that above the welfare of your daughter and grandchild?

I don't think adoption is always wrong, if a teenage girl doesn't feel able to cope and feels a new family for the baby and for her to get on with her life is the best thing then that is a reasonable decision, families letting girls down is unforgivable. Maybe people want to blame the government as they don't want to blame their parents?

My mother wasn't perfect, nobody is, but one thing I always remember was when I was 14 or 15 she suddenly said, "I hope it never happens but if you get into "trouble" always know we are here for you and the baby."

She was the sort of person who never talked about anything sexual, she barely managed to mention periods to me but fortunately school had covered that. It must have been so hard for her to say that, the need didn't arise but I don't think I have ever felt so sure that I would always be loved and protected.

Oh that every frightened teenage girl had a mother who would support her.

Some of those boys were age 16 themselves, how could they stand by the pregnant girl, they. Needed their parents permission to marry. It’s too easy to lay blame,

The people who should be apologising are the males who impregnated the girls in the first place then refused to stand by them. Difficult in the case of the Spanish waiter, the fifteen-year old schoolboy and the thrice married American serviceman who returned home immediately, but not the fault of the government and not the fault of the parents.

People forget there were no benefits for unmarried mothers, little child benefit, no nursery care to allow the mother to work and the almost impossibility of a single woman with a child able to live independently.
The burden for raising the child fell almost entirely on the maternal grandmother, she who was probably also supporting elderly parents or beginning a return to work to earn much needed income. A great credit that so many parents did support their daughters' children, but some understanding needs to be shown to those who didn't.

A very tragic and traumatic experience, but one that has largely been resolved since the 40s, 50s and 60s.
The past was a different country, and they did things differently there, for reasons we are forgetting.

Sorry sodapop. When girls went to those homes and there was no adoption arrangements made where would the girls and their babies have lived?

Not sure what your point is Anniebach

If the parents didn’t want their daughters to keep their babies and there were no mother and baby homes where would the girls go ?

Eilarose

Shinamaethe same thing happened to me. I would rather not keep hearing about it raking this up is more painful to me. Still trying to come to terms with it and it's at the root of my general sadness about my life.

an apology is very much needed

But not by the government, absolutely pointless.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I agree with hetty58, an apology is very much needed.

Granted not much may be done now, but recognizing policies were wrong and many women and children were hurt because of it - it is moving forward and learning from the past.

It is very insulting not to acknowledge the damage done - as if those victims have to get over it and move on, as if mentioning the pink elephant in the room makes everybody uncomfortable and awkward so hiding it is better.

Shinamae, I am so sorry. How heartbreaking.

When you challenge any organisation whether it big or small you never get the apology from the people who caused you harm. I've had terrible experiences with a large government organisation twice, both times the ombudsman forced apologies from them, but it was never from the individuals who were responsible, it was the ceo's who did the apologising. That's how it always is. I think if the apology is meaningful & recognises how wrong the people who oversaw these adoptions were & even if it helps one person then it's worth it.
I doubt that someone who has been exposed to this terrible ordeal will ever really recover so as much recognition of how wrong it was could aid healing

I think an apology really is needed - as public recognition of the cruelty of the past.

Three girls (at least) in my year group got pregnant aged 15. There were only two classes, and it was supposed to be hushed up and never talked about, so probably more.

One had her baby girl adopted. She was never the same again, often found in floods of tears in the toilets or sitting sadly by herself at lunchtime.

Another had her daughter brought up as a younger sister.

The third girl came from a very well off family - and actually kept her baby - but left school. The way she was talked about was absolutely dreadful.

Meanwhile, the boys, of course, got called 'Jack the lads' and faced no criticism at all. Many more girls (including the most vicious gossipers) were sexually active at 14 - but lucky enough to avoid pregnancy!

People who were affected by this are still alive and an apology from somewhere, to acknowledge the wrongs that were done to the people involved, is good. The acknowledgement can be helpful. It should really be the institutions involved that should apologise but a government acknowledgement is something. The way society responded to unwed mothers was wrong on the whole.

I'm sorry to Shinamae and anyone else who was affected by this sad history. What happened was so wrong.

As some have said, there are other groups who need/needed to apologise, the parents, the mother and baby homes and the churches who ran them.
My adopted cousin, was told by his birth mother that she wasn’t allowed to keep him because her parents wouldn’t support her so she would have lost her job.
It’s incredibly sad and the mothers have had to live with the memory for their whole life. I’m not sure how a government apology would help if they weren’t responsible for the enforced adoptions.

Spoke to an old friend today about an illegal abortion she had in the 60’s. She knew her parents would throw her out and disown her if she had a baby while unmarried and I knew
that was true.
She has never told another soul, not even the man she has been married to for over 40 years.
These were harsh times for young women who fell pregnant, they carried the stigma while fathers were never castigated . Parents sent their daughters away to family or mother and baby homes because of embarrassment and they encouraged them to let the baby, Their grandchild, be adopted.
Shame and ‘family name and what would the neighbours say’ ruled those not so swinging 60s days. Different times and heartbreak all round.

Not sure government should apologise though an acknowledgment of the pain suffered might be appropriate,

I wasn’t personally involved in this very sad situation, but if I was I don’t believe an apology from the government would ease my pain. The PM showed crass insensitivity in his recent handling of belated apologies to families bereaved in 1970s NI.

A major injustice is how only the women and babies were punished. Did no one in authority or wider society ever wonder how the women became pregnant?

Can't see the point in an apology. Different times. Different attitudes.

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

Savvy

If it had been a government policy then I can see why a government apology would be appropriate, but it wasn't, its the people who ran the institutions who need to apologise before the government does. Or at least acknowledge that it was wrong.

I had a friend who was bought up believing that they had been adopted, as an adult they decided to trace their birth mother, only to find out that they hadn't been adopted, they'd been sold by the church. The church has a lot of damage to acknowledge and apologise for. Im

The people running the institutions weren't going out kidnapping pregnant girls. From every case I know or the ones I've heard of it was the parents who put them there and refused to take the girl back with the baby. Lots of the girls were young so without family backing what could they do.