Afghanistan - can’t control my emotions

My dear grannyactivist I can't begin to imagine the pain and grief the families like yours who have lost their loved ones are feeling. All I can offer is my gratitude for their service, my consolation for your loss, and my heartfelt thanks that decent humans like your son-in-law put the good of others before himself. I pray your daughter can gain something from the knowledge that there are multitudes who honour the sacrifice her dear husband made for the greater good. My love and respect to you all x

grannyactivist I think you’ve been so brave to open up and tell us about your wonderful SiL. You have been a great support to your daughter and your grandchild and you probably didn’t grieve fully at the time due to looking after your daughter. Recent events, beamed into our homes via the television have brought it all back. Be kind to yourself and gradually I hope you’ll begin to feel better.

Thank you all for your supportive comments - and my heartfelt sympathies to those of you who have highlighted your own areas of struggle.

I had a good cry alongside my mother-in-law this morning, she’s going through some of the same emotions and it helped us both to talk about it and spend some time remembering things. Afterwards I visited the park where I had a memorial tree planted last year and that helped too. I worked for the rest of the day and only became (slightly) tearful on one occasion, when my lovely colleague asked how I was coping with current events.

So, today I felt as if I had regained a little bit of composure and hopefully that will continue tomorrow.

Thankyou Kalu. My heart goes out to granny activist. Reading her post had me in tears .

grannyactivist some wonderful words from many other posters on here.
I have every respect for all who served. Heartbreaking times then and now.

Warm hugs for you too Shelflife. You will find many here willing to support you whenever needed. ?

granny activist, I have no experience of what you and are going through just now. I can only imagine your pain. The events in Afghanistan are very distressing for people who have no military connections, so your distress and anguish must be unbearable. I send you strength.
Not the same I know ,but our son in law is living with terminal cancer there have three children. I can't imagine or think about the future for my daughter and grandchildren. For now he is enjoying life ,is very positive and still with us ! so I am following his example.
Thinking of you and your family at the very dreadful time , sending ' hugs' and compassion and hoping all these lovely people on GN give you a little comfort.

During the last few days I have been listening to Afghan women who have benefitted from the absence of the Taliban over the last years - educated women who have made the most of opportunities that were presented to them.

These are the people these sacrifices were for. All war is on one level senseless, but these women have taken much from the fragile "peace" and it is people like your SIL who made his possible. What they received cannot be taken away from them or from their children, who will be influenced by their mothers. Their legacy will live on,

What a lovely heartfelt post Germanshepherdsmum.

I have never forgotten the grief I felt for you and your family when I first read what happened to your SiL.

Now that current affairs have brought such turmoil and heartbreaking sadness to you again must be so difficult to cope with. The actions of your brave SiL will be forever in the minds of those Afghanis, grateful to him and will count him as one who fought against the odds, attempting to give them a better, more peaceful life. He did make a difference. Love and gentle hugs for you GA x

I’ve no experience but you’re in my thoughts.

My heart goes out to you at this distressing time.

I echo the thoughts of Germanshepherdsmum you lost a very brave man and should be very proud that his actions saved many from The Taliban for so long.
It’s a very difficult time for all of those who saw action in Afghanistan and no words can say how sorry we all are that they went through it all, basically to save the rest of the world.
A very worrying time for us all now. Your grief is understandable, so cry when you need to.

I think, you most probably were the strong one for your daughter and didn't grieve as would normally and some of this is a delayed grief I think our bodies and mind deal with what they can at a time of trauma and some of it rears later on, sometimes many years later. You have lost someone who was very young and this will have shaped your daughter's life and that of your grandson, how can you not feel sad, upset and even angry? Talk and cry as much as you need to. Lots of love xx

It must be very difficult for you and your daughter grannyactivist, listening to the news will be bringing back memories of that awful time.

My son served two tours of Afghanistan but has told me very little about his time there, I believe that he suffered from PTSD which contributed to his difficult divorce. He was in the Royal Signals working as radio officer in a bomb squad responsible for clearing IUDs. I know he saw some terrible injuries as a result of this work and spoke of being shot at while running to a helicopter but other than that, he hid so much from me.

I don’t know how he feels now as he lives in the US and is not very good at keeping in contact but I still worry about his mental state.

My heart goes out to you, grannyactivist. My son served tours of Afghanistan and Iraq and thankfully returned to us safe and sound, but there's not a day goes by that I don't think of those families who were not so fortunate. Grief creeps up on us sometimes when we least expect it, but it's understandable that current events are bringing it all back for you. I don't think any words I can say will help, but know that you and your family are in our thoughts and you will get through this.

Dear grannyactivist, I’m so very sorry for what happened to your son in law and of course the awful events in Afghanistan now are bringing it all back. It must be the case for your daughter and so many people here and in other countries from which brave men and women went to fight for the people of Afghanistan to have freedom and for the world to be safe from the terror the Taliban and other groups inflict.

I’m glad that you know in your heart of hearts that your very brave son in law and his comrades gave the people of Afghanistan freedoms they had not previously had, for many years. Those people will never forget what your son in law and his comrades did for them. I expect there were many people who lost their loved ones in the First World War who wondered what it had all been for when war broke out again in 1939.

I wish I could sit with you, hold your hand. I feel very useless. I can only say every one of us here must feel your grief, which you are only now able to express because you were being so strong for your daughter. What a wonderful Mum and mother in law you are.

I hope you will feel able to feel, more and more, that what we see on our televisions today is precisely what heroes like your son in law gave those poor people many years of respite from. I think it was inevitable that when the western forces left Afghanistan, as one day they had to, the Taliban would reappear. It’s the speed with which they did so which has been so shocking.

I wish you, and all others sharing the same grief today, peace.

I have started a reply 6 times and didn't know how to proceed.
I cannot imagine the pain your DD (and you) felt all those years ago and how the events in Afghanistan must bring those feelings back.

I too weep at what is happening there and we can only hope it will not be as bad as everyone fears.

There were many very brave men and women killed and injured there. We have to hope that was not in vain.

I am so sorry you and your DD are suffering again.

Thank you for your kind responses, I’m afraid I was in a bit of a sad state last night when I posted. ?

In my rational moments I know that the lives of many girls and women were transformed by the presence of the military, but having enjoyed those freedoms to now have them cruelly snatched away is a terrible thing.

I’m not bitter, but I do understand the feelings of those who are. Many people came back from Afghanistan broken in body and mind, and they and their families are still dealing with the fallout so the current situation is opening up Pandora’s box and releasing an onslaught of emotions.

I'm so sorry that you are having dreadful memories brought back to you with this terrible situation.
I don't have experience of the armed forces, but we lost a son-in-law, at aged 24. In his case it was cancer. As a family, it was devastating, and especially for our daughter. We felt powerless to help her.
Your son-in-law was a hero. He died, giving others the chance of peaceful lives, and although you must be proud of him, the grief will still be there.
I wish I could come over and put the kettle on and give you a hug, but you are in my thoughts. Stay strong - he wouldn't have wanted you to be unhappy.xx

Sorry you ate so distressed grannyavtivist you and your family have suffered a dreadful loss.

We were fortunate our don came home, some of his friends didn’t.

Due to your son in law and other brave men children were educated and women knew freedom, that gift of normalcy cannot be taken away.

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grannyactivist your grief for what your family has lost is understandable given the terrible situation. My heart goes out to you. ?

grannyactivist
? for you

I have no experience of this, grannyactivist but couldn't pass by without putting my arms around you in a virtual hug.

Couldn’t pass by although I have no experience if this.
It is a dreadful situation and I am so sorry for your sadness and heartbreak.

grannyactivist how hard it is for you, but maybe putting things down in words here has you helped a tiny bit. What an amazing (in the true sense of the word) son in law you speak of.

You do not need to control your emotions. Your daughter and young grandson are so precious that they will give you strength to carry on.

Our son lost a friend from school in Helmand Province. He had just left uni and wanted experience of war before starting a military career. So sad, such a waste.