Gender? Sex? Help me out please.

I suppose I can use it to make a point actually.

If I said that I would never date a trans person then the obvious answer would be that I discrimante against trans people wouldn't it? Because I'm not opposed to whatever genitals people have or don't have

That's the danger in saying "I wouldn't date xyz" it is a discriminatory statement

You could just.... Not date them?

Is that's not better than making a demographic feel bad about themselves?

VioletSky

Dickens I think I can see why you have responded as you have but, that's not what I was saying...

You were being honest and trying to make a point

It's just that is a point that doesn't need making out there in general life though does it? So it's not really necessary to say

Anyone that I don't find attractive someone else will so why would I make any demographic feel bad about themselves by stating what I don't find attractive? Why would I make any 1 individual feel bad by saying it to their face? I certainly am not wonderful or beautiful enough that anyone else is beneath me in attractiveness anyway.

We can keep our personal preferences to ourselves and instead of saying "i would never date xyz" simply say, we all have the freedom to chose who we have a relationship with

I'm saying

I won't ever agree with people saying "I won't date people who..."

I agree people get to choose who they have relationships with

Same thing but a different approach

The reason I said I was not attracted to overweight men was not to 'other' them as a group, but to illustrate the point I was attempting to make - which is that you cannot 'help' (for want of a better word) who attracts you and who doesn't.

And if the subject of some lesbians refusing to have sex with trans women who sport beards (if it's true, and if indeed they are being criticised for it) I wouldn't have mentioned it at all.

I would not say "I won't date men who are fat". I was just being honest - probably unwisely - in saying I hadn't been attracted to them to demonstrate the very personal nature of this whole issue.

Rosie51

VS and GagaJo you are obviously bisexual so will include both sexes in your dating pool.

GJ If your lesbian friends are open to sex with men then they're bisexual, they are not lesbians who are homosexual women. The same as any gay men that will have sex with women, they're bisexual not homosexual men.

You don't get to label anyone other than yourself Rosie. That's just how it is.

I'd like to see you tell some of my lezzer mates they're not lesbian because they've dated men. ?

Rosie51

It's not that simple at all actually and it also isn't the point so it's a shame it's been seized on, I shouldn't have mentioned it

I know those women who are in prison who want single sex spaces, the power and wealth that they hold. Those detransitioners who are telljng their stories, what power they hold. Right wing bigots led by the media the lot of them

VS and GagaJo you are obviously bisexual so will include both sexes in your dating pool.

GJ If your lesbian friends are open to sex with men then they're bisexual, they are not lesbians who are homosexual women. The same as any gay men that will have sex with women, they're bisexual not homosexual men.

Exactly Varian. The 0.01% that are fake/a threat come to represent the 99.9% who just want to pass.

Or power or fame

Oh I give up

varian that's the truth

There is usually a few very old very rich white men behind it all somewhere and the odd old white rich woman who puts profit before people

I quite frightened of my typing skills though.

I am not frightened ofctranswonen please stop saying things that just arent true.

Yes varian none of us women can think for ourselves. You keep telling us how stupid we are.

Going back to the OP's question, I think that this strong reaction to the reports of transmen in womens' spaces is a "dog whistle" signal from the right wing press on a par to the "immigrants get council houses while real British people are homeless" or "black people play the race card to get everything we can't get"".

The actual threats are miniscule but populism is all about fear of the "other".

Galaxy

Its what we used in the 90 's gagajo when faced with such homobhobia.

How is it homophobic to write the truth? I could give names, dates and reasons, if it wasn't an invasion of their privacy.

They were usually straight men back then, telling lesbians that they just needed a man to sort them out. They wore those ridiculous t shirts, 'on the inside I am a lesbian' .

Its what we used in the 90 's gagajo when faced with such homobhobia.

Galaxy

Well there you have it theres no such thing as a lesbian or a gay man just people who are resolute.

Quite incredible, isn't it? I really didn't think people still thought like that.

Galaxy

Well there you have it theres no such thing as a lesbian or a gay man just people who are resolute.

Ah, sarcasm, the default when no better point is available.

Well there you have it theres no such thing as a lesbian or a gay man just people who are resolute.

Totally agree Doodledog

Galaxy

Do you think lesbians exclude men from their dating pool because of something they dont agree with them about.

My lesbian friends have dated men at times. Some before they came out, a couple afterwards. I know some gay people are resolute, but for others, it's more about the individual.

We should definitely just be attracted to who we are attracted too.

There is absolutely no need to announce "I'm not attracted to xyz" when it's far easier to discuss what we do like in a partner

Galaxy

Its really deep seated homophobia, and pretending dating and going out with a friend is the same thing doesnt hide it. Its the type of homophobia that we all heard in the 90 ' s its so depressing.

Yes, indeed. And laughing about what is a serious issue for those involved shows such a lack of empathy and understanding that it is mind-blowing.

The suggestion is that 'dates' for lesbians are asexual, and that sexual attraction for them is superficial and not based on a sexuality that means they are attracted to women (ie female-bodied people) and not to men in dresses.

A lifestyle that involves casual sex may not be one that appeals to many on this thread (including me), but that does not mean that it is wrong, or that it deserves the belittling comments and derision displayed by 'some people'. Those who do choose to practice it should be able to do so without fear of being attacked by transwomen who claim that sex with a penis is no different from sex with a strap-on (all of which is usually expressed much more crudely) and that women who refuse to recognise them as female are TERFs, transphobes and other terms unsuitable for Gransnet.

Honestly its the type of homophobia that I thought didnt exist anymore except in a few isolated cases. I cant believe how naive I have been.