I vote for defenestration but beyond that, have little else to offer.
The partygate parties were shoddy and distasteful; I could gulp and swallow them if the prime minister had not lied again and again about them, and, even worse, now "pledges" to stay put and carry on, as through he were doing something noble.
I read on Very British Problems yesterday that one of the joyous gifts of the English language is that you can put the modifier "absolute" in front of any noun you like, and it sounds like an insult. Looking at the things scattered round me I could go for: Mr. Johnson is an absolute covid-snot hankie; Mr. Johnson is an absolute coffee table; or my favourite, Mr. Johnson is an absolute wool-winder.