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(13 Posts)
CarryAnne Wed 26-Oct-11 19:32:37

Hi Everyone - I am new to this site but wanted some advice/opinions. My d-i-l- hardly ever washes her bedding or my two grandchildren's bedding. Literally months and months go by. I have offered to help with the washing but she says no. As I am her m-i-l I know I am on doggy ground. I am worried about the health issues because the children's skin is not good and it upsets me that they are not clean. They also do not wash in between baths (which are not very often). I know I cannot interfere but how do I stop worrying about it? I have bought new bedding for my grandson twice in order that the bed does get changed. I look forward to hearing from someone. Thanks.

Anne58 Wed 26-Oct-11 21:04:30

Sounds pretty gross!

With regard to the childrens baths, mine had one every evening, it was part of the routine and tbh was a great way of filling half an hour or so!

I do realise that some current advice is for not so frequent bathing, especially for children with eczema, but your dil does sound a bit lax, to say the least!

I wonder what your son thinks?

jinglej Wed 26-Oct-11 21:04:35

I think a lot of the things we "normal" (?!) people worry about regarding cleanliness, probably do no harm at all.

Do they smell?

What exactly are the skin problems they have? Something like eczema would probably benefit from having the natural oils left in place.

harrigran Wed 26-Oct-11 23:07:23

I agree jingle frequent baths for someone with eczema can cause more discomfort. My DS has has eczema since he was a baby and I had to stop bathing him so frequently. My GDs tend towards the same problem and I have noticed they do not get bathed every night. My GDs have never had soap used on them and I don't suppose they will come to any harm. Unless the children and their bedding are suffering from infestations then it is nobody's business.

susiecb Thu 27-Oct-11 08:42:53

CarryAnne I share your concern and although it may not appear to be presenting health problems what about establishing personal standards. Society needs us to be clean and hygienic. ever worked with someone with BO its pretty disgusting and a very hard problem to crack. The children may also be bullied at schoolif they are not clean. Other than speaking with your DIL I dont know what to suggest but good luck with it.

Annobel Thu 27-Oct-11 09:20:44

That is true, susiecb - about the bullying, I mean. There was a girl in my class at school, almost 60 years ago (!) who had unacceptable body odour and, although there was no overt bullying, nobody made friends with her and nobody wanted to sit with her - or near her. I don't know what happened to her, but she disappeared after about a year. I don't think a bunch of 12-year-olds had the social skills to deal with this situation. CarryAnne , I wouldn't like to think of your GC being shunned or bullied. You blame your DiL for this but what about their father? Can't you quietly take him aside and broach the subject? You don't say how old they are, but if, eventually, concern is expressed by their school teachers, it will be highly embarrassing for your family.

absentgrana Thu 27-Oct-11 10:30:54

This does seem a bit of a problem. However, I seem to recall that when I was a child we had baths and hair washing once a week and I don't remember being smelly or my friends being smelly. Of course, we did wash ourselves or were washed if we were too young to manage every morning and evening. Maybe we've got a bit excessive about cleanliness these days. That said, things like clean hands before eating are very important. Do you know your daughter-in-law's parents and, if so, would a tactful word with her mum be in order?

CarryAnne Fri 28-Oct-11 10:10:38

I'm not sure how to reply to everyone so I will put it here. Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I'm surprised Harrigran says it is no-body's business because I think it is natural for a grandma/nan to be concerned. I have mentioned it to my son but he doesn't want to get involved. When I asked if I could change the bedding he said that he would have to suffer the consequences and I realise it is not my place to do it. My Grandson is 5 and my Grandaughter is 2 1/2. Apart from the bedding my d-i-l is very "laid-back" ! ! ! i.e. I once picked up 13 empty drinks bottles from the floor (juice bottles!) she does not open the curtains during the day, the children sometimes sleep in the same socks and underwear. Also you can hardly find a space on the bedroom floors because of the mess etc. etc. I better stop there ... rant over ! I realise it was my son's choice so I have to accept things as they are but it is very very hard. As to approaching my d-i-l's mother, I think that she maybe similar so I will not go down that route although her mother once said to me that she thinks her daughter could do with a kick up the backside (referring to housework - which she does not do) Oh, my d-i-l took my grandaughter to the doctors yesterday and she has foot and mouth which is quite common and no treatment necessary.
Non of this is in order but my son works 6 long days a week at his own business and helps with the children - taking my grandson swimming, etc etc. When my d-i-l went away for 3 days he changed my grandson's bed, altered the room around and cleared everything up. I do not think my grandchildren smell.

jinglej Fri 28-Oct-11 11:43:27

Carryanne, your daughter sounds a bit like mine, although she is getting better as she gets a bit older. I think it could be just a generation thing. Hope you don't think I was being rude when I asked if the children smell. Didn't mean to be.

On our sister site ( a lot of the posters say they don't do much housework!

Try not to worry. The kids are most likely not suffering at all. smile In fact, they are probably very happy with their laid back Mum. (like my grandkids are)

jinglej Fri 28-Oct-11 11:45:24

I hasten to add, her mum (me!) was not in the least bit laid back, more's the pity! hmm

I think I would be if I had the time over again tbh.

CarryAnne Fri 28-Oct-11 13:51:36

Thanks jinglej. You are probably right. There is a lot of laughter in her household. I had 4 boys under 4 and I am not very "chilled" at all but I am also not a "clean freak". I didn't take offence at your comment. I will do as you say and try not to worry :-)

harrigran Fri 28-Oct-11 14:27:34

I still maintain CarryAnne that it is nobody's business, even if you are the grandparent. I would not make observations about my DIL and her housekeeping habits or lack of them, children are tough. Don't stress yourself, it doesn't change anything smile

CarryAnne Fri 28-Oct-11 17:12:47

Oh well, Harrigran is the only negative comment out of all of you so I will ignore her. Thank you again to everyone else.