I've just joined gransnet to get some answers. I've had a big fall out with my 37 year old daughter 7 months ago which opened a flood gate of resentment for how she was treated by me in her childhood, how I never appreciated or praised her and always critical no matter what she did. Even though I have written to apologise, made amends, she refused to back down, instead she sent me a tape on parenting. She now speaks to me with what she's learned from this parenting tape.
I've tried to be careful what I said but we had another disagreement this week-end and she brought up the old subjects again and her husband also joined in telling me how much I've upset her. My husband and myself looked after their boys since birth 2 days a week and still continue to pick them up from school now once a week. She told me in no uncertain terms that I choose to look after the boys and not to hold her to ransom just because I do.
When we meet our relationship is very superficial. The only time she calls me is when I'm due to have her boys. She does not voluntarily make the effort to keep in touch with my son and his family who also live in the same town. The only contacts between the grandchildren is when I invite both children to our family gathering or when my son invites them to their place. They have a one year old baby who hardly saw her aunty. My son does not feel as close to her as he is to his wife's siblings.
I feel totally demoralised being told repeatedly what I had done to her in her childhood. I don't know what else she wanted from me. I've offered to go for some counselling with her but she said she's OK. I'm now considering having counselling myself because I feel unable to give anymore. I would appreciate thoughts and comments from you lovely people. Please try not to bash me as I feel very low and if I can I would like to be relieved of my duty as a 'mum' but not 'nana' as I love my grandchildren.