Spending on grandkids

As a family we decided that £10 per adult for Christmas but we only have one granddaughter! I can’t control DH in that department

Oh Midgey - you can't be serious - you have only 1 GC - I have 5 plus one on the way and I spend xxxxxxxx - better not say, but I am a giver, always have been....we can't take it with us....

A lot of families don't buy for adults.
I'm certainly not upset not to get anything.
I'm 55, not 5.

That doesn't sound very fair chocolatepudding. Whether or not you wanted or needed the money, I bet you were cross on principle.

For a long time now on haven't bought Christmas presents, apart from small token gifts for them to open on the day. Instead I book good seats at the theatre (usually a panto) for the whole family, followed by a meal at a restaurant for us all. This seems to be much preferred by everyone and no one has to find room to store it!

crazyH I think you misunderstood midgey's post, at least it's not how I read it.
Anyway, none of us know each others' financial circumstances do we?

Presumably people give what they can afford. What seems mean to one person may be stretching the budget for another.

I don't understand why anyone needs to know.

My two grandchildren live in the US so I do not see them very often and feel that they miss out on treats - for example I always pay for meals out when I see my other children and enjoy treating my niece and nephew at Easter or with holiday spending money. So I tend to send them a substantial amount by bank transfer ( usually £500) about twice a year for the family to enjoy. I have helped my son( their father) with other financial help recently as he was finding it hard to pay his mortgage when his wife was unable to work due to ill health. Luckily I can afford to do so and my other children are happy for me to send him money. My son does not expect it and is truly grateful so I will continue to help any of my children if I can afford it.

I had very little money following my divorce from their father but worked hard to build up a buffer and now enjoy a comfortable retirement. Treating my children is my choice and I only give them what I can afford.

It is not about how much we send on our families but that we do so with love and affection.

I have tried to put myself in your shoes mumsyface and working just on the facts given, and assuming you can currently afford it, I think I would fund the trip as you have funded others but with a clear message that - with all the love in the world - this will be the last contribution you can make, as you will no longer have your income.

As to presents, I think it is all about setting your limit ...whether that is for budgetary reasons, or or just managing expectation.
If what they want falls within your limit, then they can have their choice. If it is well over, then just say you will contribute x to it.

Personally I aim at around £100 each on AC, their partners, and the GC.
Regrettably it does creep upwards as I buy main presents quite early and do get tempted by 'little extras'

We have only have 1 GC so have started as we mean to go on just in case we have a whole tribe one day!
We pay £10 a month in to a savings account and spend £25 ish on birthdays and £50 for Christmas.
There are treats through the year, for example we took her to see Peppa Pig live on stage.
My daughter and partner have held back birthday presents they bought her until Christmas as she had so much!
It’s more about the time we spend than the money we spend.

It now occurs to me that the teenager in question is actually being quite responsible in requesting a schoolbag, rather than make up or clothes, as an early Xmas present, particularly as she has to jump a school laptop around.
The bank of granny has swung into action.

Well done, mumsyface.
Make your DS and DGC aware, tho, that things are changing as your income goes down and give them (or at least your DS) an idea of what you can now afford.

Something along the lines of “the bank of granny wishes to inform all loyal customers that the bank will cease trading permanently on 6th September 2020. Interested parties are advised to complete all outstanding transactions before this date......or else!” ?? ?

I’m not disclosing how much we spend, but it’s exactly the same for each grandson for his birthday and for Christmas. The DC know what the amount is - sometimes they have a gift in mind which we buy or put towards, sometimes they ask for the money, and spend it on whatever the lads need or want to do later on. We adults have a Secret Santa at Christmas, so each only buy for one person, but we spend about the same on our adult children for their birthdays as on the grandsons.

Whatever your budget, I think building a relationship with your DGC or DC where you buy them everything they want and spend large (relatively for you) sums of money on them, is a relationship heading for perdition.

In the past we have had so many threads from parents who gave their (now adult) children everything and cannot understand that despite having good salaries, their children are still demanding things from them or expecting endless childcare, always with a threat of withdrawing visiting rights or ending the relationship if they do not. GC will also measure love by how much is given and if it doesn't keep coming, off they will go as well.

I give agreed presents at Christmas and on birthdays and no more. When we visit I will take trivial presents, book, an inexpensive item of clothing or such like. DH always slips DGC a fiver each just before we part (we live 200 miles away) but that is it. Money and presents play no part in forming our loving relationship with our DGC.

We will also be in a better position to help in a meaningful way when university costs arrive, because we haven't frittered away the money available for DGC before hand.

How odd and seemingly unfair chocolatepudding!

I think it depends on what you feel comfortable giving and what you can afford. We all have different attitudes to money partly influenced by our past. Also influenced by age and being out of touch with prices. I remember giving a child a pound coin a few years ago to buy sweets (nieces son only 6yrs old) and he refused it - not enough buying power!

I have savings but am wary about spending too much and maybe needing to finance health treatment some time.
My single parent daughter gets quite a lot more than two sons at the minute as she needs it more.
My gc get so much spent on them anyway that my gifts go unnoticed. I give them regular small amounts of pocket money. And spending money for trips holidays and exam results etc. What annoys me is the grandchildren who earn money never so much as send me a birthday card..
As for actual amount I think as long as you arent totally stingy its ok.
I would certainly not try to compensate for someone overspending on horses or in other areas.
Mty advice is to do what you personally want to do. (If you give a present or amount that seems small you will most likely be excused on the basis Granny is a bit old and out of touch!)

Birthdays £200 each
asking parents to buy a small gift and rest to savings for college fund
Christmas £250 each
same again
In our family the grand children have so many toys their homes are like a toy shop.
My sons son has a small room for his toys.
Son lives abroad and daughter not local so don't see the GC very often other than on Facetime.

My gc are the exact same. And they tend to play with the same favourite toys. So I usually buy them fun matching pj's and dressing gown and slippers for Christmas (based on Spiderman etc) and a lego set or similar. I prefer to give small presents on special occasions and give them plenty of treats throughout the year.

I am picking up this thread as I feel quite strongly about Christmas pressures.
I am very lucky that my 3 children (+1 step child) and their partners all have good jobs and are self sufficient. They have more money to live on than I ever had especially since I was a single mother for a large part of their childhood. When they didn’t have much money I would give them generous presents of things they needed and helped them at Uni.

But now, I feel that anything they need they buy for themselves. That leaves luxuries or what I call unnecessary stuff that will probably be given to charity straight after Christmas.
The last few Christmasses we spent together we decided to do Secret Santa with a certain budget of £30-40. That means you draw a name and buy a present for one person, so everybody can ceremoniously open a present and guess who it is from. The Christmas spirit of opening a present in a group is lovely and hilarious. We do the same with step family.
This year we will not be seeing each other (not all of us) but we have decided to not give adult presents only children. We do give presents to our 3 DGD (still under the age of 5) and the suggestion for presents come from the mothers who have to find a place in their home for said gifts. So far they have not requested bank breaking items. Since the other grand parents like to shower with huge amounts of gifts I like to keep it modest and top up with money in a savings account. Our consumer society is quite worrying to me. That said last year I bought some hamper baskets and made lemoncello and Christmas biscuits and bought some lovely cheeses, chocolates and small luxuries for each family. I will keep this tradition going. It’s the thought and love that counts and food never seems to clutter the house.

Now Advent is a relaxing time spent looking forward to Christmas rather than traipsing through shops for inspiration. The money each of us saves buying unnecessary stuff we can treat ourselves with a truly amazing one if we so wish.

I loathe the over spending on Christmas (and I love Christmas!). DD is the only grandchild on both sides and we each have siblings. We requested that grandparents and aunts/uncles spend no more than £40-50 on her at birthdays or Xmas (less is of course fine!). That's still a lot but not a ridiculous amount, which they would spend if not asked to rein it in!

We spend around £100 on her. When you add that up with £50 each from both sets of her grandparents, £50 each from 4 aunts/uncles, that's £300 on a toddler! Which is way too much in my opinion. Although my brother tends to buy an experience type present (zoo/farm), which is definitely the best idea.

I know a lot of people who have said to me to just let the grandparents buy as much as they like. But I don't want to raise a spoilt child. Plus, I don't have the room for it all!

Good system Newmom!

DC, DDiL and DGC, about £50 a head for both Christmas and birthdays. This does vary, it has been less when the desired object costs less. And there will be occasions when we spend more. DGC is getting a very special Xmas present this year costing over £100, but we are splitting the cost with her parents.

We can afford to spend more but do not see the need. That is quite sufficient. DS & DDiL have also made it clear that they do not want the children inundated with expensive toys or possessions.

I spend quite a bit on my 2 DGC and they are usually with me over Xmas. I do think £75+ is a lot for a school bag. I bought my elder DGC one in the supermarket for under £20, but if you can afford it, one big present like this can be cheaper than several smaller things which I often buy. If you only have one or two DGC you are also more likely to spend more. My late DH had 8 DGC so we could not buy so much for them.

Our DGC get money sent via their dad to put away for them both at Christmas and birthdays . I still buy smallish gifts for them but nothing very big . They have no idea that the money goes to them as well . I hope it will amount to a good sum once they need the cash and we are long gone .

When our grandchildren were born we decided to invest a certain amount for Xmas and birthdays with the idea of helping out when they went to uni and giving a token gift. Over the years the gift ratio has gone up a bit, but we do give them a few smaller presents and some cash so they can buy what they want. The important thing is to work out a budget that you are comfortable with and then stick to it.

Spend what you want and can afford. Doesn’t matter what anyone else spends. All gifts should be gratefully recurved, if not don’t bother.