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Sad, angry and shocked!

(41 Posts)
phoenix Fri 12-Apr-19 18:43:11

Evening, hope you are all ok.

Doing my usual weekly grocery shopping today, and was quite upset by an incident at the checkout.

An older gentleman had a query about a couple of his purchases, and was asking the cashier about them (it was actually Bacardi, 1 ordinary bottle, and one flavoured one!) He was taking a bit of time, and seemed to be a bit hard of hearing.

The next man in the queue (middle aged), and in front of me, turned to me and said "Silly old git, gets on your f***ing wick, doesnt it!"

I wasn't entirely sure I'd heard him correctly, so just smiled.

Then the man in front turned to me again and said "Oh now he doesn't know his f***ing pin number!"

No question of mis hearing this time!I

I was upset on 2 counts, firstly the intolerance of the man, towards the older person, but also that he felt it acceptable to use that word to a random stranger in a supermarket queue!

Don't get me wrong, I can swear like a trooper, but would never use such language to a stranger!

Perhaps I should have posted this under AIBU, but I try to avoid that!

CanadianGran Fri 12-Apr-19 18:50:53

Yes, some people's rudeness and impatience is hard to fathom. Not unreasonable to feel sad and shocked.

Callistemon Fri 12-Apr-19 18:52:07

I might have been tempted to say 'No, he doesn't. but you do'.
But I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to do that. Perhaps just a Paddington Bear Hard Stare.

ninathenana Fri 12-Apr-19 18:52:55

sad definitely out of order.

Obviously thought you were much younger phoenix smile

granfromafar Fri 12-Apr-19 18:53:50

This would have upset me too, partly because of the unwarranted swearing and also because I have sympathy with anyone who feels under pressure at the checkout. As discussed elsewhere, many checkout operators rush people through the checkout process and expect you to pack your items in seconds and have your payment ready immediately. I would have been inclined to say something like That will be you in a few years time but not sure if I'd have the nerve.

Bathsheba Fri 12-Apr-19 18:55:13

Good grief, what a nasty individual. It's difficult to know how to react in that instant, isn't it? Annoyingly, we always think of what we should or would like to have said after the event. I would have been shocked too.

Oldwoman70 Fri 12-Apr-19 18:58:34

I had a similar experience the other day. An older gentleman was in front of me and was taking some time in packing away his purchases and then fumbled to find his card.

A "lady" behind me made a comment about "old" people being a pain in the a**se. I then the gentleman apologised to the cashier saying his wife had always done the shopping and he was now having to get used to doing it on his own. The woman behind me looked suitably embarrassed.

quizqueen Fri 12-Apr-19 19:13:03

I would have commented that the words he spoke marked him out as being a nasty piece of work! It's not just on here that I'm not afraid to speak my mind!!!

DoraMarr Fri 12-Apr-19 19:17:11

I think we should call people out on their bad behaviour, although I know we aren’t always quick witted enough to do it. Last night a man in a restaurant was making some racist comments to the other three people on his table. I was about to leave but I turned back and said “everything you said is wrong.” Not rapier like wit, but he did look taken aback.

Gonegirl Fri 12-Apr-19 19:18:54

He can use any words he likes but if he'd said something like about any old person in my hearing, he would have known about it! angry

rosecarmel Fri 12-Apr-19 19:21:46

I'm in the US ... The situation you described plays out here often, people are stressed, inconsiderate and in a hurry when making purchases, very little patience for the aging when their turn to pay, always s sighs and rolling of eyes when anyone any age pays by cheque or worse digs through their purse for change -- an abundance of self importance I'm afraid .. And lack of consideration ..

phoenix Fri 12-Apr-19 19:24:02

I do wish that I had responded, especially something along the lines of "we may all be like that someday" (which is lame, I know) Or "That could be your father in a few years time"

But to my shame, I didnt. blush

Gonegirl Fri 12-Apr-19 19:27:34

Oh phoenix, it's easy for the likes of me to feel brave on here. Who knows what we would have done in the actual situation.

Gonegirl Fri 12-Apr-19 19:29:24

(But I might have managed to mutter "bloody rude") . grin

Doodle Fri 12-Apr-19 19:39:26

I find swearing difficult to deal with. DH has possibly said on one or two occasions s* but that is all. He has never uttered the f word aloud and nor have I. It never featured as a word when we were young. Our families were not swearing families otherwise we would probably have picked up the habit too. I hate it when people are prejudiced, racist, sexist, whatever and automatically assume that you are too. I am ashamed to say that sometimes I keep quiet rather than call them out. I get very angry with myself if I think bad things about others let alone say them. Life it too short for abuse of any kind. When at work if someone was abusive on the phone I would say nothing but would not put the phone down. I would stay silent and wait until the abuser ran out of steam and ended up saying are you still there and then say sorry I fell asleep what were you saying. It’s amazing how many times their tone improved after that 😀

rosecarmel Fri 12-Apr-19 19:41:57

Well, one could shrug their shoulders as a response while raising their eyebrows as if to say "don't know" .. It might disarm the impatient person, or maybe change the subject?

rosecarmel Fri 12-Apr-19 19:43:13

As a response to the rude guy in line ..

Callistemon Fri 12-Apr-19 19:43:53

As discussed elsewhere, many checkout operators rush people through the checkout process and expect you to pack your items in seconds and have your payment ready immediately.
I thought our checkout operator wouldn't stop talking today - she's a lovely girl but it was me glancing anxiously at the queue behind us!

Bubbe Fri 12-Apr-19 20:05:01

I agree he was completely out of order.

I would like to have said " And being offensive is far worse", but I wouldn't as it could wind him up and then he may well have vented his anger on me.

In reality, I would probably have just given him a blank stare over his shoulder in response.

Callistemon Fri 12-Apr-19 20:13:30

Practise this:

Callistemon Fri 12-Apr-19 20:17:25

I can't post it! sorry

phoenix Fri 12-Apr-19 20:42:15

If it was the "Paddington Bear Stare" then you did, Callistemon!

Marmight Fri 12-Apr-19 21:20:25

Isn't it infuriating when you think of an appropriate riposte after the moment has passed! I'm becoming braver as I age and do tend, with some trepidation,to comment if I can think of something suitable..
Slightly off piste, but at the supermarket this evening I was still placing my shopping on the belt when the couple behind started to put theirs on and encroaching on 'my' space, so I gradually shoved their stuff back; I tried the Paddington Bear stare- no reaction, so I thumped my bag of spuds on top of their stuff along with a bunch of daffs. The couple then complained to the check out lady that these items weren't theirs. Grrrrgh.

Bathsheba Fri 12-Apr-19 21:56:50

I was at one of those checkouts that has a bar which the operator slides across to separate the items of the previous customer from the one being currently served, IFKWIM.

Anyway, the woman in front of me obviously knew the checkout operator and was talking nonstop to her, all the while she was being served and packing her goods. Then across went the bar and my items started to be scanned through. And what did this bl**dy woman do? She started to pick up my shopping and pack it in her bags, because she simply wasn't concentrating.

The first two occasions she did it I said, quite politely, "that's mine" and she apologised, giggling. The third time, however, I shouted at her, quite loudly, "Will you STOP taking my shopping! If you could just STOP talking, you'd be able to concentrate, and let your friend on the checkout concentrate as well!" She was dumbstruck, picked up her bags, red-faced and mumbling, and left the shop. Her 'friend' on the checkout looked at me with a smile of relief, and said "thanks" grin

Callistemon Fri 12-Apr-19 22:37:03

I don't know what happened with my post phoenix - it wouldn't post, now having a quick look again and there it is!