Gransnet forums

Other subjects

No fuss funerals

(72 Posts)
Beammeupscottie Tue 14-May-19 15:40:19

My husband want this; I don't really know what to think about it.

ttps://www.moneywise.co.uk/pensions/retirement-lifestyle/direct-cremations-the-no-frills-way-to-go?utm_source=IBMW&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weekly%20110519%20(1)%20remainder&utm_content=

FlexibleFriend Tue 14-May-19 15:50:13

Lots of us do, it's not that weird and is becoming ever more popular as most people think the price of funerals is too high.

maryeliza54 Tue 14-May-19 15:50:35

It’s not actually his funeral is it really? Have you got any dc? What do they want, what do you want? Funerals are for those left behind.

M0nica Tue 14-May-19 15:54:26

In life some people want to know they will have a certain type of funeral. Once they are dead they have no means of knowing what happens.

So indulge them in life and do as you think best after their death.

It is what I have told DC to do, go along with what I want while I am alive and ignore it afterwards if it is not appropriate or affordable.

Beammeupscottie Tue 14-May-19 15:56:18

This is what concerns me; children and friends losing a moment to pay respect. I recently went to s non-religious funeral, which is a kind of middle way.

kittylester Tue 14-May-19 16:02:58

We had a celebrant do mum's funeral. That seemed right.

Floradora9 Tue 14-May-19 16:08:29

This is what I have chosen a direct cremation with no ceremony and DH told not to even put an intimation in the paper. I do not want people turning up for my funeral because they feel they should go and do not want anyone who has not been close to me to attend.

GrauntyHelen Tue 14-May-19 16:09:55

My sister in law wanted a cremation only with noone there My husband whilst wanting to honour her wishes didn't feel happy not doing something formal to pay his respects we had a cremation as she wished but I did a scattering of ashes service (Im a minister) on the family farm that the family attended followed by a family lunch . This kept everyone happy

Beammeupscottie Tue 14-May-19 16:13:15

How does the celebrant thing work?

Kittye Tue 14-May-19 16:17:22

That’s what my DH wants. He did originally want to donate his remains to medical science but I don’t think I could cope with that. That’s assuming I don’t go first !

Beammeupscottie Tue 14-May-19 16:17:58

We haven't discussed it with our two children, but I suspect that one will like it and the other not. The money saved is very appealing as I would rather give it to the living than pay funeral costs.

Beammeupscottie Tue 14-May-19 16:19:38

Also, we are a very small family. Close family members would total eight.

Daddima Tue 14-May-19 16:20:23

I want a full Kafflick funeral, black clothing, weeping and wailing, and gnashing of teeth, none of this ‘ celebration of life’ malarkey.
In our wee village there is a procedure to be followed, and I’m sure my family will follow it.

maryeliza54 Tue 14-May-19 16:21:18

I think you should discuss it with them - children deserve to have a say in how they bid farewell to their father

Oldbat1 Tue 14-May-19 16:27:10

Funerals are waste of money in my view and can cause a lot of stress financially. £5000 wont go far nowadays.

notanan2 Tue 14-May-19 16:34:13

This is what concerns me; children and friends losing a moment to pay respect

No they dont. They can still host a memorial for you if it helps with their grief. But with direct disposal there will be no "funeral tax" on the event as it bypasses the undertakers. It can be at home, on a beach, in a restraunt etc...

annsixty Tue 14-May-19 16:35:24

My H died just under 4 weeks ago
It was his wish and mine, also for me, that we had no funeral.
He was taken to the funeral directors Chapel of rest.
I took best clothes for him, I ordered flowers for the coffin. At 8:30 am last Thursday morning he was taken by hearse to the Crematorium, he was borne in as he would be by the funeral directors staff, he rested for a short while and was then cremated.
The only thing I didnt do was tell the family the date and time, they were happy with all this.
I got his ashes back yesterday and they are awaiting mine to join them then they will be mixed and scattered together.
I will say this is not a much cheaper option, it cost £2,700 but of course there was no wake to pay for.
I did everything for my H while he was alive, I didnt need telling where he was born, what job he did, I knew all that and everyone he loved and who loved him said their goodbyes in his last few days.

Happiyogi Tue 14-May-19 16:37:56

I heard yesterday that Doris Day had specified no funeral. I think the idea is gaining popularity, but obviously won't appeal to all. I suppose we're lucky to be living (and dying!) in a time of greater choice than was previously available.

notanan2 Tue 14-May-19 16:41:37

My plan id direct disposal. And then people are free to have a memorial for me if they want. There is a side of the family that I dont want barging in taking over and causing drama for DH and the children, this way, the drama creaters can do what they want (it will probably be religous and OTT) but DH & DDs neither have to pay for it or attend it.

DH & DDs memorial can be low cost and invite only for people who they will find supportive.

If anyone who had sod all positive to say about me when alive but wants in on the grief action demands details of my funeral, well, easy! There is none. And any private memorials my CLOSE family and friends chose to organise amongst themselves is their own business.

I do not want my family burdened with paying to host random relatives who would only show up to through their weight around.

And finances are tight after a loss as it is

Happiyogi Tue 14-May-19 16:43:50

Sorry annsixty. I was typing and couldn't see your post from a couple of minutes before. Don't want you to think I was ignoring your post.

Pleas accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. I'm glad that he had the no-funeral that you both wanted.

maryeliza54 Tue 14-May-19 16:44:32

You’re right about having choices Happi the real question is whose choice it is? I just don’t think it’s my right to say how I should be dispatched and who should be there. I won’t be the one grieving

notanan2 Tue 14-May-19 16:44:52

annsixty sorry for your lossthanks

I will say this is not a much cheaper option, it cost £2,700 but of course there was no wake to pay for.

But that wasnt a direct disposal, it was a "minimal funeral". I do hope the funeral directors didnt sell this to you as the cheapest lowest key option.

You dont need a funeral home or coffin herse etc for direct disposal so it usually costs about half what you paid.

notanan2 Tue 14-May-19 16:47:32

I have relatives who asked for a direct disposal but were miss sold a minimal funeral simply because they did not know what it was called so the funeral directors ommited to tell them that that option existed, instead selling them the cheapest coffin they had implying that that was the minimum requirements. It is not.

notanan2 Tue 14-May-19 16:54:12

You can completely bypass the funeral home and coffin bit and go straight from mortuary to crematorium.

No coffin or funeral director required.

Myth
* no viewings allowed with a direct disposal*
Truth (that the funeral directors dont want you to know) Mortuaries have chapels of rest attached where your loved one can be prepared for viewing

Myth
it means no gathering for those left behind
Truth
It frees them up to gather in a way that suits their budgets and emotional needs

Myth
at least a basic coffin is rewuired
Truth
You can be cremated in a body bag. Burial is trickier but there are body shrouds suitable for burial too

annsixty Tue 14-May-19 16:55:11

No I did know the difference but I wanted it to be done with some decorum.
The direct services can transport the body in a van hundreds of miles and you then have to pay for the ashes to be sent.
I just wanted an unattended funeral but local and dignified.