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I can't understand why she did this

(49 Posts)
gilljack68 Wed 24-Jul-19 18:40:41

I work with a woman who has just announced she is pregnant, she is 27wks and really excited about it. BUT, last September she had a baby girl and said she didn't know she was pregnant. She had just come back from a holiday with girlfriends that day and went to A&E with stomach pains and gave birth. I understand this was a massive shock (if she's telling the truth), but she then left the baby in the hospital and went on holiday with her bf. I've even wondered if she knew and booked the holiday to have the baby and leave it there. She came back to work 4 wks later and told us all that she had been off with anaemia?? She didn't know we all knew cos our manager had told us thinking that she would keep it she was even taken off rota for rest of year!! Now, I could just about get this if she wasn't maternal at all and didn't want children but she must have got pregnant 3 mths later!! 1 of my colleagues congratulated her and asked how bf felt and she said he's excited he wants loads of kids!! I wonder if he knows about the first one and I know her parents think this is their first GK. I feel like telling them. I know I would be devastated if my daughter did this to me. She's off on maternity next mth but says she will come back. I just don't know if I can work with someone like this.

sharon103 Wed 24-Jul-19 18:59:35

No don't tell her parents. It seems odd to me that a woman can give birth in hospital and just leave her there? As you said and I quote "if she's telling the truth" Is she known to make up stories and tell lies.

sodapop Wed 24-Jul-19 19:04:11

It's very sad that your colleague feels like this gilljack68 more sad for the poor children.
However this is really not your business and you should not be passing on this information to anyone.

RosieLeah Wed 24-Jul-19 19:19:51

Surely if a woman walks out of hospital leaving her baby behind, she would be charged with abandonment? This whole tale sounds like a fantasy.

phoenix Wed 24-Jul-19 19:22:20


paddyann Wed 24-Jul-19 19:29:37

maybe the first wasn't her BF's and she didn't want him to know about it.She could have arranged to have it adopted from the hospital. I was in maternity with a woman who gave her baby up because her husband wasn't the father .She used to sneak down and see him in the nursery for the few days she was in.If thats the case this baby might well be her way of getting over the "loss" of the first .Poor girl

FlexibleFriend Wed 24-Jul-19 19:34:38

Why do you think it's any of your business?

phoenix Wed 24-Jul-19 19:37:29


NfkDumpling Wed 24-Jul-19 19:37:56

I agree with paddyann, if the first birth was a mistake, she may well be trying to start over and have a normal life. The boyfriend and parents would probably be more hurt knowing the truth than the discovery she’d kept it from them.

She’ll have the loss of the first baby with her for the rest of her life.

annep1 Wed 24-Jul-19 19:44:29

If it's true Paddyann is thinking the same as I am. And it's very sad.

Anniebach Wed 24-Jul-19 19:50:31

It is for her to tell or not tell her parents . You are judging her but do not know the truth

gilljack68 Wed 24-Jul-19 19:55:20

The first baby def exists my manager saw the birth certificate as her reason for being off work. It was a girl and half Asian, Boyf is Asian. I do know it is none of my business and I know I won't tell her parents but I can't pretend I don't know. Someone else has suggested that it wasn't her bfs. I hope the baby has a fantastic life but gets answers in the future if she comes looking for her mother.

quizqueen Wed 24-Jul-19 20:12:25

If people had to pass a capability test before they could conceive, it would do the world a great service! Is the story about the first baby really true? Surely the boyfriend would hear about it as people can't generally keep their mouths shut. In your position as you disapprove of her behaviour, I would just ignore all baby talk and just get on with your job.

Tangerine Wed 24-Jul-19 20:19:16

I'd say nothing in your position.

nanaK54 Wed 24-Jul-19 20:21:27

I say this gently, this is really none of your business

SisterAct Wed 24-Jul-19 20:56:12

As NanaK54.

“I just don’t know if I can work with someone like this”

We all work or have worked with different people we like or don’t we have to be professional, she is a colleague not necessarily a friend.

Over the years I have learnt this the hard way.

Lazigirl Wed 24-Jul-19 21:07:40

Many of us have done things which others may find it hard to understand and can judge us on if they wish. I wonder what your motivation was in wanting to tell her parents gilljack?

Anniebach Wed 24-Jul-19 21:17:15

The father was Asian ? This was written on the birth certificate?

Your manager disclosed the girls records? Why do you think you would have to tell anyone ?

This is so unpleasant,

SirChenjin Wed 24-Jul-19 21:34:48

Your manager told you all this?? I hope you reported her to HR? I’ve been a manager for 22 years and I would never, ever divulge personal information of this nature to the rest of the team - as well as being highly unprofessional it would result in a formal disciplinary.

Your problem is not your colleague, it’s your manager and the culture they have created in your workplace. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour.

BlueBelle Wed 24-Jul-19 21:46:09

Your manager has absolutely no right to discuss people’s family situations with anyone
This all sounds a made up story by someone
None of your business and certainly none of ours

MissAdventure Wed 24-Jul-19 21:51:02

Bloody glad I don't work somewhere like that!

stella1949 Thu 25-Jul-19 04:37:09

The whole story sounds strange. Birth certificates don't say "half Asian" or anything else of that nature. They just have the names of the parents ( if known). The fact that your manager saw this certificate and then told you, is unprofessional in the extreme.

I'd report the manager to HR for her poor conduct, and then I'd keep my mouth shut and ignore what other people do in their lives. The words "not your business" spring to mind, OP.

kittylester Thu 25-Jul-19 06:35:54

What phoenix said.

annep1 Thu 25-Jul-19 08:14:13

You don't know if you can work with her?

wildswan16 Thu 25-Jul-19 08:24:42

If the manager disclosed personal information to you, then I would seriously wonder about her honesty and the third-hand story she told you. It is none of your business. We all work with all sorts of people - you can quite easily have a working relationship with this young lady, you don't need to be her friend if you don't want to.