Absence of a thank you for gifts

Should have checked my post.
One of the "shes " should have been written as ."a woman" and the final word should have been cheque not check!

i never expected thank-you notes for gifts, probably because i was not brought up like that.
generally i'd prefer not to have thank-you notes, as it seems to be making too much of a palaver of it.
i rarely give gifts these days, except everyday ones, when i see a product that i know someone likes, often a food item, or something useful, small things. it would put me off doing that if people felt they had to send thank-yous.
so much is cultural norms; problem comes because we do not all have the same norms.

Jenpax,you mentioned that people have "very busy lives".
Do not the people who bought ,wrapped and delivered the presents have busy lives?
I accept the fact that very few people write thank you letters now but it takes very little time to send a text message or email.
I remember reading somewhere that because she never got thanked for presents sent to her grandchildren she decided to send them money in the form of a cheque.
The clever thing was that she "forgot" to sign the check!

I sent an outfit for a young couple’s new baby about 4 weeks ago. After reading this thread I thought the little family will be busy getting to know each other and did not expect a written thank you.
Just wanted to share - the postman brought a photo postcard this morning of the baby with a handwritten thank you on the back (by mum). To say I’m thrilled is understating it. The gorgeous boy is now in a photo holder on the mantelpiece.

When a mummy has a baby, her priority is and must be the baby.
That’s as it should be and we know that.
A true friend will not prioritise
thank you cards.
It’s not about us.
Stop, it’s Carona time and she has a new baby, be the bigger person, forgive her and think, she may be struggling, or perhaps she doesn’t like the gift. Whatever the reason, forgive her whilst remembering the demands just now on parents is huge. A little compassion will help you.

When I send a small or even large gift to a new baby it is to share and celebrate, I put my email address, if they don’t have it, on the inside of the card. Most times I receive a thank you text. However I remember struggling after a difficult caesarian section and looking after a premature baby forcing myself to write thank you notes and looking back I should have been caring for baby and myself instead of trying to reply within two days so I am more forgiving now. However the one kind of unacknowledged thank you that has me grinding my teeth is when money has been requested for a wedding gift, when not receiving an invitation, which I know has two sides to it. No point in receiving six kettles but the whole point of wedding presents used to be to help couples set up home, whereas nowadays, quite often both have good jobs and have been set up in their home, often with children for several years. I give very generously to youngsters who have for example just finished studying. However I still feel guilty that I have not given to a friend’s son on his remarriage. I have only met him once but his mum reminded me several times how generous everyone was being, contributing to their honeymoon in a very exotic location. I have given wedding gifts to all my daughter’s friends and without exception have had lovely thank you cards. They then get baby presents when the time comes and I usually have a lovely morning choosing something to send and I include the gift receipt to be practical. Times change.

I think it's important to say thank you. I don't think the format matters (text, letter, phone call) but a gift should be acknowledged, even just to let the sender know it made it. I have to admit that a couple of my children aren't good at doing this but I've got to where I think I need to stop telling them to send thank yous and remind them to do it, or remind them that it is their grandmother's birthday. They are young adults now, it's their job to remember. If they don't, it's on them, though I find it hard not to remind them to take care of it.

Good manners cost nothing, and make other people happy.

Of my three grown children, my daughter is very thoughtful and sends messages of thanks. She also remembers birthdays and phones her grandmother without prompting. Unfortunately my two sons seem to have forgotten the manners we taught them. One is a bit better than the other, but still... I should not have to remind a 30 yr old to call his grandmother or send a message of thanks for his daughter's birthday gift. I would not prompt his partner, but I do remind him. I can't stop being a mum!

I have read all of theses posts and have had various thoughts. I think you can wrap it up anyway you want and can make as many excuses as you want ( new baby, hasn’t got time etc etc ) but it is just downright rude not to thank the giver/sender of a gift no matter how big or small wanted or unwanted. I think the problem with people nowadays is they just have too much. Consequently gifts , even £10 gift voucher means absolutely nothing especially to the younger generation. I do not buy into the excuse that they just” do not have the time “. These self same people always find the time to post on Facebook etc. IT IS JUST BAD MANNERS WHATEVER YOUR AGE.

A friend of mine who used to send a cheque to her granddaughter when she became a teenager instead of a gift so she could buy what she wanted but after few times of no thank you for them she sent a cheque with out signing it on purpose the girl was straight on the phone requesting another one ......

on the subject of giving presents , what bugs me is the fact that thank you cards or even a text does not happen , not with my lot anyway, it doesnt take much does it to just say , in a text, thank you granny and grandad

I think it’s rude. A thank you text and phone photo of new baby or newly wed takes about a minute to send. No excuse.

I sent thank you cards to friends who bought presents for our new grandchild, pretending they were from the mum and dad! Just a card with photo and printed message. It was appreciated. Didn't want them to think they were ungrateful.

I have four Grandchildren and one step Granddaughter.
For the older ones I give money for Birthdays and Christmas, I always give them the same amount.
I have never and I mean never, received any acknowledgment from my step Granddaughter.
When my twin Granddaughters reached 17, I gave them a thousand pounds each for driving lessons, the deal was, if they passed they could keep the remainder.
Three years later I gave the same to my step Granddaughter and no thank you at all. Even after I was called on at the last minute to drive her to her Theory Test, wait for her outside the centre and drive her back home.....Nothing!
I just can’t get my head round it!

I could have written the original post myself - I said much the same to a friend a while back...but...don’t give up...I received a thank you letter from one new mum when the baby was nearly five months old!

Welbeck
Bingo

My experience has been to get a nice card or email photo of baby/ happy couple usually about 2 months after the gift, which is fine. Not all young people are ungrateful.

i can see both sides to this, but agree most with what Grandetante said.
customs change. people are busy. don't give if you do it on condition of thanks.
you cannot impose a debt on others unilaterally.
some think a gift inherently imposes a debt of gratitude which must be expressed. else the recipient commits a grave offence.
but this is not a universal moral code. it may have been customary practice when you were young. but for whatever reason, it is not so now.
so if it bothers you, don't give.
some of these sound like a desperate attempt to establish or maintain a connection. perhaps the other party does not feel the same. maybe this gift-giving means far more to you than it does to them. maybe they are indifferent. maybe they wish you would stop.
these are all possibilities. i don't know. but some of them strike me a emotionally manipulative: look at all the effort i've gone to, so you are duty bound to give me something, your time, attention, gratitude, a sense that i matter to you, am important. but frankly maybe that is not the case. no ill-will but not in the circle of main importance either.
don't want to be harsh, but some people set themselves up for disappointment.
sorry to be curt, but am trying to avoid rambling. so bullet points. let us all try to be happy, or content.

I agree it is not good manners, but you don't know how well they have been managing during lockdown width a new baby.
If they didn't ask for a present you have done this from the kindness of your heart and you should not unilaterally think that imposes an obligation on the mother to get involved in thank you cards. You never know if asked present & thank you card or nothing they may choose nothing.
Perhaps ask your daughter before doing it in the future.

Here we go again. There are a lot of strange posts about gifts on GN. Gifts with conditions, expectations, disappointments etc. - gifts and etiquette.

Why oh why give to 'daughters of close friends? That's just peculiar!

At risk of repeating myself, once something is gifted/given - it belongs to the recipient. No 'ownership' remains with the giver.

Yes, it's nice to get a thank you - but it shouldn't be expected.

If gifting leaves you feeling bad, stop doing it - simple!

I would certainly expect a a note or a phone call for a present.
Manners maketh man - having said that if it is a present for a baby - I would not expect a thank until at least a month had expired. Philly - they can't all be tarred with the same brush!

Philly

Do they have your contact information?

I am not surprised that your are irritated. It is so easy to send a text, write and email or pick up the phone, even if no letter is written. I think it is very rude to not acknowledge a gift, whether one knows the person well or not. It is a kindness and deserves to be acknowledged!

It’s the way we were brought up wasn’t it? It does bother me but I do like giving after all it’s a kindness and hopefully one day I will be rembered for my kindness Remember your kindness will last longer than you will.

Don't get me started on this one, it is extremely rude IMO. I've had this happen to me several times, and I've had to enquire if the gift arrived, and then get an off-hand "Oh thank you". I've given up sending gifts to the offenders now.