I found husband looking at internet porn

In various surveys conducted anonymously, between 53% and 87% of men are said to have admitted they have viewed pornography online in 2011. I found this range of figures on a number of websites. Statistically, many female partners who object to internet porn, and believe they have a healthy intimate relationship with their partner, will be unaware that their partners are looking for these images for sexual gratification.

There is a continuum ranging from mild curiosity to addiction to porn, and for some men it is a problem that needs intervention (and it is their problem, not their partner's).

By porn, I mean adult explit sexual behaviour and images involving consenting adults, not deviant sexual behaviour or child sexual abuse.

We live in a culture that colludes with porn, and men have easy access to these images. It's not surprising that they avail themselves of easy sexual gratification, without thinking they are doing any harm to their partners. Pinkhater's partner may well not have considered it is harmful in any way, and perhaps he needs the chance to think about these issues, before he is condemned. Who knows, he may decide that now he knows more about the issues, he doesn't need to seek porn out any more. People can change.

Here Here....too much info for me....

Ithink it was a soddy way to treat his wife! To come on here and say that he 'meets his needs' whilst looking at porn on his computer!

Quite different from pinkhater's original post.

If you have to do, do it quietly. Don't bring it on here.

Sigh...

Well gramps, you make it all sound so simple and benign - but maybe that is a bit simplistic.

Most couples go through periods of incompatibility and they find ways of dealing with this that do not involve internet porn. It is all about being part of a mature and loving relationship with understanding on both sides.

Every time you visit such a site you are supporting and condoning that industry.
Do you have daughters/granddaughters/nieces? - would you be happy to see them onscreen? - or to know that this is how they are making their living (or more likely someone else's living).

If you are so frustrated, why do you need porn to turn you on?

It all sounds like an excuse to indulge in something that exploits others - you may choose to ignore that aspect of it, but it is a fact.

I can understand why the OP is concerned. I hope that she is able to resolve this problem in some way and keep her relationship on a loving footing.

Excellent specki4eyes!

This is an interesting debate and more so with the added input of Pompa and Gramps (don't go boys!) They do imply however that it is women who go 'off the boil' whilst they remain thrusting, virile and needy. Therefore they need to have their needs fulfilled somehow.
It all begs the question - what exactly is it that turns many young lusty women into disinterested and reluctant participants as the years go by? Do these virile and needy men know how to keep their women 'on the boil' for instance? Couldn't women turn the tables and say, 'well, I WAS needy and virile too, but you didn't learn which buttons to press nor how and when to press them, so I lost interest'
Come on boys, its not just a case of wham bam thank you ma'am - and if there's no wham bam, go to the computer! Think about it!

johanna not sure I understand why you think gramps remark was disrespectful. pinkhater asked for advice..she can ignore or accept anything said here. Wasn't he just expressing his view that as it seems lots of men, in apparently stable relationships, use internet porn that her OH was not out of the ordinary and so she should not worry too much. I hear the view that for some men porn is separate to their loving relationship and they do not see it as damaging ..I still do not like porn!

Reading this discussion for the first time I don't think it was the porn as such that was upsetting I too would be very upset but it would be about the secrecy of the sordid solitary act itself....Honesty is uppermost in any good relationship and keeping this secret is not good...I would wonder what else I did not know about my partner...what else did he need to do without telling me...not nice not nice

anagram I thought it was disrespectful of Gramps to say:" and that you try to understand your Husband's behaviour etc " . And please note the capital H in husband.

Nothing against men watching porn, up to a point, but to make excuses which involve ( blame ) their partners is unacceptable.

johanna, I do think that was uncalled-for. Gramps gave his honest point of view, and was not in any way disrespectful of Mrs Gramps or women in general. Surely if you are open minded you can accept an opinion which may not coincide with your own?

Well, gramps I have a very open mind.
In fact so much so that my open mind fully understands that Mrs. Gramps must be totally uninspired by you, after 57 years!

Well pinkhater; you've certainly opened up a can of worms!!
I hope that the differing views give you a chance to see both sides of the picture, and that you try to understand your Husband's behaviour with a more open mind! Faults are seldom one sided you know!
I do so hope that the situation between you improves following this open minded discussion!
You now are aware that your Hubby is not a "one off" pervert' If you have had a good relationship over the years, don't let this spoil it!
With all good wishes,
Gramps.

harrigran and grannyactivist, I agree with you both.

The porn industry makes more money than drugs trafficking as so much more of it is not criminalised.

Most unpleasant pompa and not as trivial as you suggest. I am with ga on this one

This is my SO's point of view;
"I think if men or women need to visit a porn site for sexual gratification, there must be something lacking in their relationship.
To spice up their sex life, watch the porn together not in a secretive manner,which would surely make the other partner feel inadequate."

As you say it is an industry, and as with many other industries and businesses today there are many women at the top.

I guess we have to agree to differ on this subject. I started out to re-assure Pinkhater that this was not as serious as she may have at first thought, and that any good relationship will ride this minor glitch.

Not wishing to stir up any more arguments, I will leave this thread.

anagram not necessarily!

and cold showers guys!

It is an industry and carefully marketed too ..lots of money to be made but not always by the 'frontline' workers.

I hate it: the whole porn 'industry'.

I think it was bromide imjingl.

Bromide Jingle

It doesn't work on the brain, though, only the plumbing!

gramps what was it they put in soldiers' tea in the war? Could you get some of that?

Or go out for some tiring walks more.

Would you have taken the article as gospel if it had been in The Telegraph or The Times, then, nanaej?

Pompa Daily Mail = large pinch of salt! Though I am not naive enough to think that there are no women who exploit other women...but it is mainly men.