Live webchat with long-term relationships expert Andrew G. Marshall, 11 October 1-2pm

Oh Kathgran , I'm so glad that my ramblings helped! It's not easy is it, to brings these things up?

My previous marriage lasted for over 23 years, and until almost up until the point that I decided to move into the spare room (and then move out altogether) we had a reasonable sex life.

Obviously here and now is not the time or place to talk about that, as the current situation is far more important.

Kath, let's hope that a few others will now feel able to come forward!

Phoenix, I'm so grateful to you for breaking the ice. Sex has become the elephant in the room with me and my partner. We've been together for 30 years, and until about ten years ago everything was fine - then it started to wane. I've looked at books and articles for help but they all say that the most important thing is to communicate. Easier said than done! I just don't know how to bring the subject up - and I can't see a way out of this rut. We talk about everything else but what's missing in our relationship.

Sorry, in my confuddled state, I forgot to say "do you have any advice, please?"

I do feel a bit awkward about this, but here goes.

I am 54, my DH is coming up to 57, we have together for 11 years, married for 8 years. We have not had full sex for over 7 years. I still love him very much and feel that a full relationship should be part of that love, however it just doesn't happen.

At first I put in down to depression when he wasn't working, then a few years ago he started a job that he absolutely loved. I hoped that would mean our sex life would improve, but it didn't. There followed another patch of unemployment, he is know working again (away during the week, home at weekends) and still nothing.

I have tried all sorts of approaches, but no luck. It doesn't help that he is somewhat reserved over such matters.

I remember years ago a colleague was in the same situation and she warned me then not to let it go on for too long, or it would just become a sort of "non habit", I now understand what she meant.

We do have shared intimacy, but not full lovemaking. Oh heavens, I hope you know what I mean, this has been rather difficult!

Do you really believe sex gets better in your fifties and beyond? The general feeling is that is gets more boring - or non-existent - as the years pass. Or perhaps that's only true if you're with the same person?

Surely if you start off with the idea that infidelity is unimportant - easily recovered from - you don't stand a chance? One or other of you is going to be unfaithful, with all the chaos that brings.

Couples can survive infidelity, eh? What if fidelity is one of the founding beliefs of the relationship? What if it's non-negotiable? Isn't that a betrayal of trust?

And yes, I do speak personally.