A cautionary tale for men considering an affair

Could apply just as well to women considering an affair, I'm sure ...

How true Granjura .

That saying come's to mind "The grass is not always greener"

Although not the monopoly of men it is predominantly men who do this it seems. Why? How can they forget that the girl they loved and married is still there in spirit and soul despite physical changes that many years and childbirth brings, as some of those changes apply to men too. Why not take joy and be proud of the fact that they are still together despite the pressures of life.
As a man my theory is that men, generally speaking, do not have the emotional strength of character that women do, yes they are stronger in other things but in emotion or loyalty terms I don't think they have it. Why believe the grass is greener on the other side. We are all human, all have weaknesses and idiosyncrasies some have annoying habits too and above all why risk it. Women are far more cunning and will find out.
granjura is right in that the same applies to women, I should know; but generally, men think for some inexplicable reason that they can have their cake and eat it too. Sorry lads, to me that just indicates a weak and feeble character as the subject of this thread found to his cost. It takes more of a man to stay faithful than to chase other women in my humble opinion.

Unless the man involved had a track record of having a roving eye things like this do not happen if his existing relationship is good.

This does not justify behaviour like this, but I have noticed over the years that when there are problems in a relationship, men tend to seek physical solace while women seek listening solace. Whether this is because men find it difficult to talk about feelings, or even think about them, while women find that instinctively easier I do not know, but I sometimes think that women discussing the intimacies and details of their partner with their friends is just as much a devastating betrayal of their husbands as adultery.

Personally I think I would find it more devastating to find that DH had been talking about me and the intimacies of our relationship to somebody else than know of physical betrayal.

Men's brains are not just in their heads.

Flickety - I have always felt just like you - that I could forgive a brief sexual affair but the hurtful thing would be knowing that my partner had discussed me and our relationship with another woman.
Apparently, this man had never been unfaithful before, but he had been married a long time and I suppose he and his wife had started taking each other for granted. Along comes this other woman (not a younger woman in this case) who flatters him, boosts his ego, and offers a week of sexual novelty. He did not have the moral fibre to resist.
I discussed the case with my son-in-law and daughter and they both said that you don't hurt (or risk hurting) somebody you love, even if you might be tempted. They have been married for 16 years and are not only still deeply in love but best friends too. It is a great joy to spend time with them. I do hate being with a couple who are sniping at each other all the time.

I know several women both here and in the UK who lost everything to an affair - I think it is naive to believe that men have more affairs than women.

It may be a glib thing to say - but, it takes two. The bloke ran off to New York for a fling, but so did the woman. Had she made an excuse and left an unsuspecting husband behind?

No, she was divorced. Of course she was wrong as well, but it was the man who was betraying his wife.

In this case- but in many cases it is the other way round. Women are definitely no better or worse..

my sil works long hours, creeps in,at all hours I thnk he might be having an affair, never takes them out as a family has 2 wee boys who he spoils with anything they want
never ever goes on holidays with them.
the last time my daughter was away for 2 weeks he had never lived in the house, where was he?
I wouldn't dare ask my daughter where he was, am I being wrong in being suspicious?

ONe woman at a time is quite enough. I have been with my wife nurse Gillian for a total of 47 years, and have never wanted anyone else.

My Polish SIL has a saying for everything. "pis**ng in the soup" comes to mind.

Amatterofopinion- what people show you tells a lot.How close are they? How does he treat her when you are around? Unhappy men don't care.They may say hurtful things to their wife about how they look or the things they say.Does he leave her alone at night when he has a day job? If he works long hours he should be sleeping at home.Do you think she sees the pay checks and feels the money is there?Does he clean up,looking nice before leaving the house without her?Just to go to the pub or see friends?Maybe you can think of a way to bring something up with out pointing a finger at him especially if you think it would upset her you thinking he might me cheating. checking on his working hours might be a easy start.

hes in the catering trade hes ok to her when I am around
too much I would say, is he putting on a show?
he leaves her alone most of the time, shes more like a single mum really.

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I read these comments with amazement. I have been married to my lovely wife for 25 years and we have both had many partners in that time. We are swingers and are totally open about our relationships. To have all the grief described above is a nonsense. Man / Woman is not meant to be monogamous. Just enjoy life and accept your partner might stray. Be honest and open!!!! Sex is a pleasant experience, but you dont have to love someone to have sex.

Of course, many women have had multiple affairs and left their husband- and took them to the cleaners too!

This was an old thread- I wonder why anybody felt the need to reopen it?

I wouldnt mind hearing your wife's views dene.

Were you the first to stray, or was she?

[not sure it is best for me to talk to dene]

I am musing now...

Are there polygamous [sp] women?
Women with lots of men in their harem?

I can just feel loads of questions welling up.

[if gransnetters think it is better if I dont speak to dene [not sure that he will come back anyway], just say, and I will shut up]

I think sometimes people just see the heading and not how old a thread is! Or sometimes they have ulterior motives.

So sad to see Greatnan's name again...

soontobe the word polygamous is from two Ancient Greek words: "poly" which means "many" and "gamos" which means marriage, so in theory, yes. But these days it is often just used to refer to women.

"Polygyny" means "many women"
"Polyandry" means many men

Who on earth would want more than one man at a time? Too much hassle.

However, this is a very old thread. I'd leave it if I were you, soontobe

You say you don't have to love someone to have sex. Dene. But you do have to love someone to be faithful to them - love them enough not to cause them that "unnecessary" grief that so astonishes you. You and your Missis are happy to share yourselves around. Fine, enjoy yourselves, but don't assume that everyone would be.

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