Does sexual fidelity matter?

But I can see its hard for one part of a relationship who wants more than just a cuddle to cope with an about turn for whatever reason and want to grab some excitement back into their lives, but I dont think I could do it as DH has stood by me when all else was falling apart.

Same here - and no way would I have allowed straying sexually to undermine and threaten that chance of growing old together- and would have been devastated if I had been betrayed. Surely sex is about an awful lot more than 'copulation' - can't remember who said that, but if this is all sex is/was to you, I think it is a great pity.

One of my UK friend who lost everything to wanting 'just this last passionate affair', which lasted a mere year - has a sad old age in front of her and i don't envy her one bit.

I have been with DH since we were teenagers. We have had some tricky times and we both fought hard to save and now nurture the relationship. In the end we knew we were better together than apart.

glassortwo......nothing to duck for! I think the word 'perfect' is deeply problematic anyway. A marriage that had no problems to work through together, no missunderstandings to be sorted nout or no rough times to be endured would seem pretty strange. Surely as with any aspect of life its the downs that make the little ups seem magical and the bigs ups spectacular!

bookdreamer - I too find some modern ideas of marriage strange, like the one of having several children before making a real commitment to each other. I fully appreciate that the old idea of 'having' to get married because a child was on the way was equally problematic but its as if the pendulum has swung too far the other way.
Interestingly I too heard a comment on a tv quiz show (Pointless - so that ok) that troubled me slightly. When a contestant (male) was asked what his interests were he answered, 'well I used to have loads but they have pretty much gone out the window for a while as we are getting married this year. The idea that planning ones wedding should take up all your time for the foreseeable future seems odd. Yes, have a lovely day with those you love around you - but its just one day - surely you should not feel the need to put your whole life on hold till its done? Hardly surprising some folks dont do it if they feel its got to be planned like some sort of battle plan or huge company take over.

I would imagine.

I have been married 37 years this year and I dont consider I have a perfect marriage in fact I would say its far from perfect, I dont think anyone if they were truthful would consider their relationship was without any problems what so ever.

<ducks behind the chair.

Ella!

In some instances glass, a perfect marriage is one that is over.

Is there such a thing as a perfect marriage?

Perhaps we really do have perfect marriages Grannylin, I know I do
Okay he has left the study now miserable old sod

You're right, Grannylin - and it's the same with other 'behavioural' threads, such as over-drinking, dishonesty, past misdemeanours etc. Not many are prepared to admit to behaviour they're not too proud of unless it's so far in the past that it can be classed as youthful folly!

I think "frustrated failure" describes me pretty well grannylin

I've noticed that often when there are threads about betrayal/affairs/fidelity, there is a rush of grans regaling us with cosy tales of their perfect partners and marriages.Of course the figures are skewed.Who would want to readily admit to being amoral/immoral/ or a frustrated failure?Not that I am any of these

I think things are definitely different now. I remember watching a game show and when the chap won some money the host said, jokingly, "you'll be able to get married now". The chap, looking a bit sheepish, said that no, he did want to get married but not just yet as it was a big commitment. He and his partner had two children. I was amazed that he felt going through a marriage ceremony was a bigger commitment than having children.

I'm not having a go at couples with children who are unmarried - my own son and his partner have two children and they're not married. I just think some people's priorities are very strange.

Our youngest is 30 bookdreamer. I do hope your son cares about fidelity too, and his new wife. I don't know all their friends but I can't think of any who have broken marriages - yet! I can think of an older member of youngest son's management, about 45/50, who has got through 2 wives and several partners.

movedalot. I don't know how old your sons are. Mine is 25. He is getting married in May. Some of his friends are already through their first marriage and looking for new partners. It just seems a whole different mind set. He, and me, are members of a church and these friends of his are members of the church.

I'm glad your sons would think carefully about fidelity in their marriage and I hope my son does too.

petra Some people thought it was funny when I said that I knew someone who realised her husband was having an affair because his socks were being darned. In some ways, darning socks suggests a deeper intimacy, familiarity and cosiness than mere f*****g.

Hot affair I believe* Movedalot*.

Nor me

Do they granjura?....I don't.

Why is it, I think I've asked this already before, that so many women think it is OK for a man to pay a prostitute or use pornography - but not for women? I can never understand this.

I don't remember that with Margot Fonteyn, must read her biog. again but maybe it is not in there. I always thought that Rudolph Nureyev was a 'safe' partner for her, that they could have fun without sex but who knows? Yes, it was her husband, Tito Arias, who was paralysed.

Assassination

Yes, more men than women say it.

I used to know several couples who were swingers and there is a tv program on dogging tonight - or it might have been last night.

So some people are at it somewhere!

Incidentally, the swingers had a strict code of honesty and putting each other before any other sexual partners and in that way they felt they were staying faithful.

Wasn't it Margot Fontein whose husband was paralysed after an assasination attempt and who then went on to have lovers?

petallus how do you think they conduct these surveys? I wouldn't discuss my sex life with a stranger! Is it true that more men say they have had affairs than women? If so then some women must have been very busy

Perhaps its the members of GN who haven't posted on this thread who are skewing our figures