Son in trouble

Flowerfriend that's weird - I too have been longing for a big Premium Bond win (don't own that many!) or Lottery win (never played!) as money would at least take the heat out of the situation. But it would have to be big money, I'm afraid.
And yes, folks, it does seem my dire predictions are coming true. What makes it so hard is that it is my own son who is the cause of this impending disaster and I know he is making DDiL desperately unhappy.

DD has an insomniac child as well. Her brother was and is an insomniac and so am I.

Galen - your son sounds a colourful character. So glad that things are settling down for your DD.

I have had times when the adult children have given me worries, mainly emotional crises when they were a bit younger; and more recently a severe ante-natal depression when we truly feared for her life at times - it was very frightening.

They all seem to be on an even keel at the moment (fingers crossed) although one is on anti-depressants (with wonderful results) and another is suffering from sleep deprivation due to insomniac child.

There always will be the odd up and down, but we are very lucky when I hear the problems that some other gransnetters have to endure.

Galen I think we have the same son I don't think he is bi sexual though.

I certainly have. DS describes himself as :- alcoholic, bipolar, bisexual, poly amorous and pagan. He also thinks he is on the autistic spectrum.
DD suffered from anorexia nervosa. Married a "bit of rough" in the Channel Islands. Now divorced and has a a lovely SO, by whom she has my DGD and another on the way.
She is also a qualified science teacher.
He works on computing.
Both are highly intelligent.

I would be fascinated to know the percentage of us that have suffered our children's problems. I mean ADULT CHILDREN.

There are those that advocate that we should 'divorce' ourselves from these problems. We can't!

From time to time I do the EUROMILLIONS lottery and mainly because I would like to throw money at my children's problems.

polliadh I am with you fully on the beneficial effects of sunshine on mood. Our very dull grey days really affect my energy levels. needed.

First, all our concerns and anxieties are absolutely real and I am not trying to minimise them or be a PollyAnna. My initial thoughts were how to live with these anxious voices in my head and not go crazy. I have just begun a new thread under health which is about Ruby Wax's new book on the mind - called Sane New World. I think I might get a copy.... I'd love to know whether people have read it - the thread is waiting for comments.
Isn't it funny how the weather affects us by the way? My spirits lifted in the sun and now are getting damper by the minute ...

glamma how nice that things are improving for your dd

Pollaidh we will always worry about our children how ever old they are but things do tend to get better over time,two yrs ago DD was left on her own with the children and debt's she did not know about,he had not been paying the rent on the house for 6 months and the first she knew about it was when bailiff's turned up at the door we mananged to save her eviction by the skin of our teeth with an emergancy court hearing,things have now come full circle with her now working part-time and she has also been fostering a little man for nearly 6 months,he has slight special needs so all her energy has been channeled into his development and we are now reaping the benefits.She has had a hard time but come through it and things can only improve,I hope things get better for your DD and remember to take care of yourself also.

Worrying has spoilt a lot of my life, I wish I could stop. It doesn't do any good at all.
I would love to be someone who just sails through life without a care in the world

Pollaidh,I do so sympathise,as I am waking every morning worrying about my DDs for various reasons.I just want the worry to go away.I try to do relaxation techniques and have even tried to resurrect Christian faith!!!
Sunflowers...how right you are. I know my mother was a worrier, but little did I realise what angst I must have caused in my younger days.

jeanie99 you are so right about the advice. Not only does it seem as interfering (in my case at least) it can provoke a stream of "you don't understand!" verbal crisis.

It doesn't seem to matter how old our children are we are mothers and our instinct is to want the very best for our children.
We naturally worry about their problems and difficulties I think as mothers this is only natural and it doesn't change when they become adults.

You can only really offer advice if they ask for it otherwise it can be seen as interferring.

I sympathise with you all who are going though such worrying times when you are powerless to do much to stop it all.

Just reading through, made me think, I suppose our parents also must have experienced similar feelings with us, when life threw some horrible situations at us, though I never thought about them at the time.

I know when my first marriage broke up, it was the first divorce in the family! they were very good and non judgemental and supportive, but now I realise they must have been worrying about me, and talking it all over. I didn't give their feelings much thought I'm sorry to say, just got on with my life. Now I have a different perspective on it all.

Looking back, my rather naive brother (mid 30s) also got into a difficult situation with a woman who basically blackmailed him, he had a breakdown. They helped to bail him out and I know were terribly concerned about it all.

So it goes on for each generation. At least now we have the chance to use GN to talk over our concerns, thank goodness. Wishing you all happier times soon x

This is one of the really good things about Gransnet Shysal, I hope things continue to improve for you and glad you are able to let off steam, we all need to be able to do that x

LizG, your story is so similar to mine, right down to the bit about the new partner, whom the kids really do not want to see, but bullying SIL insists.
We had a positive meeting at the Housing Dept this morning, and I am reasured that DD will not be homeless - thank goodness!
I am finding this unburdening of myself very theraputic, thank you everybody for all your responses. I have even begun to bore you all even more by starting a new thread about SIL's hoarding habit, so apologise to those who are hearing some bits twice!

Thank you for sharing the poem Pollaidh, difficult to take on board at first reading but I shall return to it and attempt to understand.

www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173663

Here is Hopkins' poem. Yipes! I had forgotten how heavy it was, but it does describe that awful torment of the soul. Skip if you are not feeling strong!

I wonder whether the urge to disappear is more common than you might think? I found myself in the shower (as you do) day dreaming about just walking away and travelling alone across the world. But you never leave stuff behind - it goes with you in your head! So really, it is your head you want to get out of. To switch off all the inner nagging and inner crying and inner being scared that is so debilitating. Putting it out there LizG seems to have helped, I am sure talking - even on line like this - is therapeutic - and better than those awful inner voices. I am trying to keep a sense of proportion about what I see as my boy's impending doom. It hasn't actually happened yet - but the signs are all there that it could. The business is in debt, he is looking awful, he has mentioned problems with DDiL. There was something on the radio this morning - about a G.M. Hopkins poem - the mind has mountains - I'll look it up and get back to you.
Sunny, warm here at last .

Thank you Ella46. It poured out!

Don't apologise LizG, let it out if you want to, you are among friends here.

Marelli Yes, that's life!

Ella, I'm glad you were able to clear the air a bit. Like you say, we will survive whatever life chucks at us - we've had plenty of practice, haven't we!
I often think along the lines of what when said, too. Sometimes it might be quite nice to say 'b...er it', I'm off - let them sort themselves out' or 'how dare she talk to me like that - she'll apologise before I speak to HER again'! We don't though, because we never stop caring and trying to nurture. We forgive them anything because our shoulders are so strong!
Then of course, there's Karma.....and they have their own children. THEN they find out what it's all about - but we worry about that as well...!

I havent thoroughly read this thread and I am sure I shall probably be repeating things already said but reading what is happening to Shysal's family is ringing bells. DD2 was in a similar position but with two children. There have been many ups and downs since as Xsil seems to believe he did nothing 'wrong'. His new partner would like to be a mother to les girls and this hurts us all. Fortunately DGG's are being very sensible and loving with their mother.

Reading all about 'benefit scroungers' has been very hard. My daughter isn't and doesn't want to be but she does need help to keep a roof over her head and her children fed. My husband has done zillions of calculations and at the end of the day my daughter can only work 16 hours a week to go over this means she will lose a disproportionate amount and she cannot earn enough to survive. She works for young people with special needs and is highly trained but thanks to the Government can not do the job she loves properly.

I apologise for going on like this, the hurt caused by my Xsil has obviously
gone deeper than I realised.. My plan was to say there is light at the end of the tunnel, my daughter is renting a nice home and she is beginning to socialise again. She has a number of major health problems and manages to laugh her way through most of them and I do so admire her.

Oh dear time to wrap cellotape over mouth, sorry.

Thanks gillybob,I've been assured by my son, dil, and all my very good friends, that I did the right thing. In fact they all thought I should have done something a long time ago, but as we all know, that isn't as easy as it sounds!
There is some light at the end of the tunnel, at least as far as my relationship with dd. She emailed me in the middle of the night, from her secret (from sil) email account.
He is the main problem, amongst many.

In the end, we will survive whatever life chucks at us.

It does help so much to have you all here to talk to