Gransnet forums


It's the little things ...

(17 Posts)
Grannyknot Sat 01-Jun-13 19:13:43

My daughter is engaged to a man who's very good to her, but very quiet and seems slightly aloof in our company (but she reassures me it's not us!) and generally has been difficult to get close to. I went for tea there this morning and he asked me to do a darning job on his most favourite sweater in a 'need a mum' sort of way. For some reason I feel like the cat that got the cream, now to tackle the job, oh, the pressure smile

Stansgran Sat 01-Jun-13 19:27:45

Go for it. SIL 1 asks for buttons on shirts and SIL2 asks for jeans to be turned up. But I think I overstepped the mark with DGS when I patched several pairs of jeans to protect his little bony knees in the snow. DDtook it as a criticism. There is still a distinct coolness.

laidback Sat 01-Jun-13 21:26:09 OH is a quiet,beautiful man. He loved my mum and She doted on him, coz she fixed his shirts n his socks.We miss her loads....

Greatnan Sun 02-Jun-13 17:09:35

My son-in-law is wonderful but he is far too competent to need anything doing for him - probably the result of being in the merchant navy from a very young age. When my daughter was working, before they emigrated, if it was his week off work he would clean the whole house and have a lovely meal ready for her. He can turn his hand to anything - his carpentry looks professional. He is always so kind and loving towards me and makes me feel really welcome when I visit.
His mother became a good friend and I was very happy to have her as the 'other grandma'. Sadly, she is now suffering from severe dementia and is in a care home.
It makes me so happy to know that one of my daughters has such a good marriage. His four stepchildren adore him.

laidback Sun 02-Jun-13 20:03:28

Oh don't get me wrong greatnan he's very competent.He might go to work in a suit but he's very handy, he built our kitchen, he plumbed and fitted our bathroom.He just had a great relationship with mum.He often popped in to fix stuff round the house for her or he brought a cake(which he probably baked) or a book he recently read.He's well able to sew on a button, but she wanted to do it for him, so he let her.He's not extrovert but he does have a wicked,dry sense of humour which they shared.

mollie Sun 02-Jun-13 20:34:21

My OH fits the 'quiet and appearing aloof' description too and it is difficult for him and my family. And me. With me he's chatty and funny and loving and he's my best friend but he and my folks have nothing but me in common. They say they don't know what to say to him, they find him hard going but I know he tries hard to make them feel welcome when they visit. Luckily we live relatively close to my folks so its easy for me to pop in on my own a couple of times a week so group get togethers are limited. The thing is that OH married me and got my family too but it's not his fault that he isn't exactly their choice is it?

Grannyknot Sun 02-Jun-13 20:58:50

mollie that's interesting. I sometimes see flashes of the man my daughter describes her man is when they are on their own. I don't mind that he is how he is, I suppose it's that desire to be liked, especially by your child's life partner. But I do think he likes us. He's going to like me even more since I did such a great darning job on his sweater [thumbs up emoticon].

mollie Sun 02-Jun-13 21:22:08

Grannyknot, my OH likes my folks well enough but he can't become the sort of person they can easily relate to with the click of his fingers. Frankly, I think he is more comfortable with them than they are with him. But then don't we all prefer the open, noisier characters to those who are a bit deep and quieter? If this chap makes your daughter happy and treats her well then he's all you could hope for I'd say. Some of the most harming characters have been discovered to have a nasty side....

mollie Sun 02-Jun-13 21:22:44

Charming, not harming...

inthefields Mon 03-Jun-13 07:03:50

Oh Granny, I do so relate to this.
My DSIL is the nicest man, and a very very good husband and (new) father.
I could not have wished more for my DD ..... but, we are very open, outgoing, "what you see is what you get" people. Tactile, and prone to hugging. DSIL is the polar opposite. His family are lovely, but very reserved, non-tactile people, and getting to know him is like peeling the layers from an onion.

I worried for five years that he didn't actually like me. DD tells me he does, but other than the fact that he teases me sometimes, I would never know because he always offers the perfect gentlemanly mask which he presents to the world.

Recently, SIL gave me a hug..... not the placid acceptance of my hugs, which I had become used to, but an actual hug. That was the first indicator I had that I meant anything more than a stranger to whom he was polite .... and meant the absolute world.

Interestingly, my DD has had to teach him how to be tactile, playful and highly interactive with their new son.....and he is now loving that interaction, beaming with pleasure when his son giggles at Daddy's antics. I am sure that my hug was a spillover from this learning curve. The other grandparents absolutely adore their GS (we all get along fine as an extended family) but they too have had to be "taught" how to play with GS and not be reserved with him.

dorsetpennt Tue 04-Jun-13 09:12:12

What makes me feel needed? My daughter asking me to sew on some buttons for her. She is hopeless, at 33 years old she is just not interested in cooking or sewing, she admits it but has other lovely qualities.
My DGD age 4 years old who just spent her first 3 nights with me saying 'I like it when you read to me'.

HUNTERF Tue 04-Jun-13 21:37:33

I think everybody in a family has their function.
One of my big functions is to take the grandchildren to hospitals, dentists, doctors etc and I also take older members of the family to the same sort of places.
The older members of the family give me some help with the car running expenses but it is difficult to get this kind of help from children.
Oddly I am driving more miles than when I was working.
Most of my relatives live on the north side of Birmingham but have conditions requiring treatment on the south side.
A substantial part of my pension goes on things for the granddaughters.


Grannyknot Wed 05-Jun-13 07:54:27

inthefields I may well have written the first couple of paragraphs from your post. How lovely that your new grandchild is part of his dad's learning curve. Hope you get another proper hug soon smile

annodomini Wed 05-Jun-13 08:36:28

I was needed at the weekend when my GS had to have badges sewn on to his Cub uniform. His mum's job is very demanding at the moment and in any case she scarcely knows one end of a needle from the other - and I'm a fine one to talk! Nevertheless, I did the deed, and only a few months ago I did the same on his Beaver sweatshirt. Just after that, they bumped him up to Cubs. I may have to teach him to sew... grin

ps Thu 11-Jul-13 19:04:48

Frank couldn't agree with you more and so nice to hear of your caring nature. Very noble, good on you. I'm sure all concerned are grateful in their own ways.
I must confess I was very fond of my mother in law, now long since passed away. A lovely lady and dearly missed. I have however been accused of being a very private person, I just hope she realised that I thought the world of her.

nanaej Thu 11-Jul-13 19:27:19

Frank you and me both! and I bet a lot of fellow GNs are a taxi service! Perhaps when we are really old they will push us to the places we need to go in our wheelchairs and return the favours that way!!

Galen Thu 11-Jul-13 19:48:44

If that's the case, I hope they've improved the pavements on this region!angry