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KatGransnet (GNHQ) Thu 03-Apr-14 10:30:44

Sex and the sexaganarian

Monica Porter has featured in the Daily Mail for bedding 20 year-olds at the age of 60. She tells us her story and describes how the media has focused on her family status as a grandmother, rather than her age.

Monica Porter

Raven: My Year of Dating Dangerously

Posted on: Thu 03-Apr-14 10:30:44

(115 comments )

Lead photo

Monica Porter on being sixty and single.

When my 13-year relationship with my partner ended at the age of sixty, I was faced with the daunting prospect of living on my own for the first time; I was scared and I panicked. My knee-jerk proposal was to move in with my son and his family. The granny annexe beckoned. With my two boisterous grandsons around – aged two and five – I knew I couldn’t be lonely if I tried. In the evenings I would cook for everyone and we’d all sit around the table and be jolly. Sorted!

But as the weeks and months rolled on, I discovered I could actually do the ‘single thing’. And even enjoy it. I began to appreciate the new independence, the utter do-as-I-please freedom. So then came the question: what would I do with all this liberty? What next?

With two failed long-term relationships behind me – and a few miscellaneous disappointments in love in between - forgive me if I didn’t set out all starry-eyed to find Mr Right. I had lost my faith in such concepts. On the other hand, I was not about to throw in the towel when it came to having a bit of easy-going fun with the opposite sex. Why should I? Sixty isn’t very old anymore. I was fit and healthy, I looked after myself. So, like many others before me, I took to the internet.

I was not about to throw in the towel when it came to having a bit of easy-going fun with the opposite sex. Why should I? Sixty isn't very old anymore.


Online dating is the ultimate Pandora’s box; anything can fly out of it. And anything did. I came across a number of older men, some slightly dilapidated, some just dull. One or two whom I liked but who didn’t reciprocate my feelings. Then, when I found to my amazement that I was attractive to good-looking, engaging, bright young men in their twenties and thirties, I flung myself with gusto into this enticing area of human dynamics. I didn’t regard myself as a so-called cougar. Only as an older woman lucky enough to be living in a place and time when such excitements were possible.

It wasn’t always great, but it was often good, and in a few memorable cases, truly wonderful. Mine was a journey of enlightenment and I don’t regret any of it. That phase of my life is over now, I have moved on. But being a journalist and author, I can recognise a good story when I’m living it, and although older woman/younger man relationships are surprisingly commonplace in our society today (I was staggered to learn just how widespread they are) nobody has ever written a personal memoir on the subject.

I was expecting controversy at my racy revelations but it soon became clear that the most shocking element to everyone - general public and media alike – was that I had grandchildren. In every screaming headline the word ‘grandmother’, ‘grandma’ or ‘granny’ was writ large. So, let me understand. If I were a sixty-year-old woman without grandchildren would my story be less ‘sensational’? Is it not so much my age which raises eyebrows as my family status? Perhaps, despite living in such progressive times, people still view it as unseemly for a grandma to enjoy sex, instead of just padding about in comfy slippers and baking cakes.

In the story that I had to tell, the fact of my having grandchildren was purely incidental. And while I adore them, as indeed I do my children, I don’t see why I should be defined by them. We grandmothers can cherish our families while also experiencing other aspects of life; there is room for it all. So let’s get the message out.

Raven: My Year of Dating Dangerously, by Monica Porter, is out now through Thistle Publishing, £9.99 paperback, £3.99 ebook. You can purchase a copy from Amazon.

By Monica Porter

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Gransnet

Ana Thu 27-Nov-14 17:35:37

I don't know. They didn't tell us they were leaving, people just do, sometimes.

soontobe Thu 27-Nov-14 17:34:34

I dont recognise about 13. But maybe I just havent come across them yet, or havent spotted them.

I have noticed you before Adriane.

Oh, I see what you mean about certain subjects. Ah.

soontobe Thu 27-Nov-14 17:32:56

I think you are putting a different emphasis to where I meant.

Difficult to write it differently but I will try
<scratches head emotion>

Perhaps leave out the word all
Where have the names gone that were on here before July.

I just want to know where the missing GNs are if you see what I mean.
Not "Where have all the names gone shock horror"

The emphasis is not on the all. But on the where are they.

Ariadne Thu 27-Nov-14 17:27:49

And if you haven't noticed me on the threads, soontobe, I can assure you that I have noticed you.

Ariadne Thu 27-Nov-14 17:27:01

Well, I notice I'm there, and so are Elegran, Feetlebaum and Mishap.

But it's an old thread, (and we've all seen it in its various resurrections) which new people find now and then, and the heading does drag some weird types out of the woodwork sometimes. NOT on this page, no disrespect to anyone, but most of you know what I mean.

Lynne if you search "vaginal dryness" there is a thread somewhere, as I remember.

Ana Thu 27-Nov-14 17:23:04

ALL the names...?

I think you're exaggerating rather a lot there, soontobe! grin

soontobe Thu 27-Nov-14 17:16:23

On a different note.
Where have all the names gone that were on here before mid july?
Have many posters namechanged?
Or only on here at the beginning of a year??

soontobe Thu 27-Nov-14 17:15:05

lubrication?

lynne Thu 27-Nov-14 16:45:30

I dont anymore...ageing body and all that...would repulse my husband....then there's the total dryness...........

Ivor Mon 29-Sept-14 10:20:04

I found when i became single that this site www.iwant2meetyou.com/ let me meet liked minded people of an age group i was comfortable with. Now i am happily partnered up and living a great life on the Costa Blanca in Spain, i would recommend it to anyone to get out their, life's to short to wonder about the what if's.

Mishap Tue 29-Jul-14 18:07:52

I once took our children on an educational visit to a gallery and museum, where they saw lots of art and interesting exhibits, and when asked them what they liked best about it all they said "The plastic dinosaur poo" - that's children for you.

Ariadne Tue 29-Jul-14 17:40:44

Oh dear....I think the message didn't quite get across. Sad, really.

Terrafirma1 Tue 29-Jul-14 11:47:28

What is "tacky" about this book? My DGS adored "Fluff the Farting Fish" BTW. Little boys love all things scatological and "big boys " seem to find all referencrs to sex equally hilarious

LovingMan Mon 28-Jul-14 23:33:38

Soutra, Ariadne and Elegran
THIS is what is tacky :
============
Sir Scallywag and the Deadly Dragon Poo
Our picture book of the month for July is the second hilarious Sir Scallywag story, featuring a giant sweet machine and plenty of deadly dragon poo!

feetlebaum Fri 25-Jul-14 16:18:37

Harking back a little, I too put my dirty washing in the basket -- but then I do my own laundry anyway...

Elegran Fri 25-Jul-14 15:54:58

Positively Almost decomposing.

Ana Fri 25-Jul-14 15:47:58

Especially if 'older women' were mentioned in the same breath...
(much older women...)

Elegran Fri 25-Jul-14 15:34:08

We had an ex-poster who was notorious for never seeing the word "sex" in a thread without joining in and curdling the discussion.

Ariadne Fri 25-Jul-14 15:15:04

Cont'd. But it does bring them out of the woodwork!

Ariadne Fri 25-Jul-14 15:14:18

Only once, recently.

Elegran Fri 25-Jul-14 15:11:30

I've only just seen this thread so thought it was new(ish)

Ana Fri 25-Jul-14 14:53:14

Well, it is quite an old thread, and I haven't noticed GN being inundated with 'cheap crudity', has anyone else? confused

Mishap Fri 25-Jul-14 14:42:40

Let us abandon this thread and watch it die.

Elegran Fri 25-Jul-14 14:00:15

Well yes of course "good-looking, engaging, bright young men in their twenties and thirties" are attractive. So are good-looking, engaging, bright young women in their twenties and thirties. No surprises that you found them so. If you enjoyed your relationships with them, that is your prerogative.

But writing a book about it is commercialising your life, and putting your private life into the public domain is cheapening it, for yourself and your grandchildren, who are bound to read the book at some time.

I agree with Galen and Tegan in wishing that this had not appeared on Gransnet. We will now be inundated with cheap crudity, like Lovingman's "humorous" post. You don't need to be a repressed prude (as those who object will be labelled) to resent that happening.

Galen Fri 25-Jul-14 13:40:35

Agreed