STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

((hugs)) to you and Hubby, you are marvellous, but things do happen sometimes, it is NOT your fault!

Sparkygran. You are doing a great job. These things happen and you must not blame yourself. Mr Sparky could not have any quality of life without your support and I am sure he knows that and blesses the fact he has you to look after him so well. And tomorrow is another day! Xxxxx

Thank you Gaga I`m usually upbeat but tonight I felt like rubbish - took myself off for a lie down ie quiet time and am now going to watch tennis wanted to let our "kids" know and thankfully didn`t why spoil their Sunday night. Your support is much appreciated

Oh sparky please don't beat yourself up. It was an accident and your DH will know that. You are doing a brilliant job caring for him and can only do your best. You are not Superwoman - well not quite! I am full of admiration for your positivity and cheerful acceptance of such a difficult time for the both of you. and !

Am in despair totally - we have a good weekend with steps forward just can`t update you because it just has faded into oblivion. My 83-year-old uncle was here for conversation and drinks and when meal was over I helped DH out of his chair but didn`t pay attention that his weak leg which I sorted out first but not the other leg anyway he fell and without help from uncle I could never have gotten him up. At the moment I feel absolutely devastated and DH is saying he`s ok but his face is telling a different story.

Am ready to cry DH and myself love watching tennis and the Toronto ATP is on currently and we watched "our" Andy win then on to another favourite Jo-Wilfried Tsonga win and then lo and behold he has disappeared off to change into his jammies (he goes to bed earlier and earlier) and as a parting shot I said are you coming back for the Djocovic/Monfils match which is up next and he said OH YES. Quietly weeping

Quite a lot of shouting and threats to leave him by the side of the road, purpledaff - also he has now had 2 1/2 - 3 years to get used to the idea so while it has been a painful transition, he now has the sense to keep his lips firmly zipped!

Terrafirma1 how did you reach that blessed state of not having your driving remarked upon? I drove himself to the tip and then to collect his drugs today, a round trip of about 20 minutes. In that time he harangued me about speed limits, although I was doing 25 mph in a 30 zone to avoid this. I also had him shouting at me to watch out because a pedestrian had the gall to be on a pavement. Sharp intake of breath at every pothole and getting out of the tip was a nightmare as he was sure every other car was about to back into us. Yet strangely he is better on the M25. Usually confines himself to advising on lane changes and operating the GPS. Have told him I didn't sign up to be his personal chauffeuse, but makes no difference

sparkygran .

Thanks MariClaire (yonks ago we had neighbours with a girl called Marie-Claire and I have always loved the name - but I digress) As regards respite for myself I`m going to Barcelona in October with a close friend.

I'm so happy you are having a lovely, normal day today sparkygran. And respite for you is essential for your own mental and physical well-being. You and other GNers facing these troublesome challenges every day have my utmost respect and admiration. Venting here will help with the support you need. I'm sending hugs!

Thanks for responses Purpledaff and Terrafirma1 this morning was lovely even the sun is shining. Yes I bought him an electric razor but sadly he can`t use it but found myself eyeing him today and thinking maybe I should have a go and if I crack that one perhaps showering him will be the last obstacle left on the care front to conquer and then we could in gardening terms be "self-sufficient" but for the moment revelling in "normal" weekend

Sparky and purpledaff my heart goes out to you as you have a mountain to climb I have become sole driver since DH's heart surgery 3 years ago. It is a pain I have to be available to take him and fetch him back from church or the doctor's and of course long journeys . Fortunately he is gradually being less of a back seat driver- the sharp intake of breath, clutching the door handle, telling me I am too close to the car in front etc. I have threatened to leave him in a lay by!!!

That is brilliant news sparkygran! Normal is what everybody wants isn't it? How lovely to get your own lives back again. Does Mr Sparky have an electric razor? Although my DH preferred a wet shave, he found the electric razor much easier to use when his hand was weak. Still uses it on bad days too! and to you both.

Hi all back again with the news that today we have had no carers nor will we tomorrow. ok DH will not be shaved and will be washing himself as best he can with me in the background pulling my weight (emptying commode etc) but never mind all that it was lovely being just normal. Getting up when we felt like it (ok about 8.00am - I just can`t seem to lie in for any longer) but it was like grabbing back our old life and not living by others timetable.

I don't have a choice. During my marriage the driving - even towing the caravan - was equally shared. But for almost 30 years I have been my own driver and just say no to alcohol. Sorry - that sounds smug! I'm not. It would be nice to be driven but that's just not the way life has worked out.

I have a dear friend whose DH has never driven. She has always done the driving and even discouraged her children from learning until they were in their twenties. She just loves driving ! I wish I could be the same, but I really hate the responsibility of it.
Sparkygran I think you must forego your favourite tipple! much as it pains me to say so. Just think how abandoned you will feel,if they don't ask you again? And you can always give yourself a generous nightcap on your return! If not then taxis it must be and blow the expense. and yes early nights are very much part of Mr P's agenda too. Bed before ten and then up at 5 ish. He says it's because he doesn't sleep well at night, but seems to manage plenty of dozing in front of the TV.
to all of us who find themselves a reluctant chauffeuse!

I've had to do atoll the driving since DH died. I don't like driving and I won't at night.
The MoJ pay for taxis to tribunals so I'm ok there. It means I've become a bit of a recluse.
My car is 3 years and 3 months old. I've just passed the 5000 miles

Just a little addendum DH is going to bed earlier and earlier is this something else I need to take on board?????????????????

When DH had to surrender his licence due to losing his peripheral vision, there were many comments from friends along the lines of.... Poor man - how awful to lose his independence, how awful to have to ask to be driven everywhere, how awful to miss out on 'man stuff'.

It was two years before anyone said to me, 'It must be hard to have to do all the driving'

I actually love driving and don't mind long distances or motorways but it would be so nice to be able to enjoy a view and not have to concentrate all the time which is really tiring when the weather's horrible.

Dear GNetters you are stars and I do feel better today and I know what I`m feeling is `normal` but it is just so hard. Anyway on another matter altogether it`s my birthday on Monday week and DD said this afternoon that DS1 and DiL have asked us over next Sunday for a bar-b-cue for me and this is going to sound pathetic but they live at the other side of town and DDs car from our side of town wouldn`t fit us all in and (am blushing) but I like a couple of glasses maybe if I`m honest more than a couple so I can`t drive if I have a few drinks - this is another sadness as DH would drive home - over to the them and to taxi would be too expensive there and back. I know DS1 will think his mother is an alcoholic or should be able to enjoy the day without red wine but I DON`T WANT TO. So have said all of you call in on the Sunday and leave it at that. Am I a bad person? nay a bad mother?

Oh Mishap I feel for you! Next week I have two long trips to visit friends, both of which involve many miles on the M25, my personal 'favourite'. Even better, DH will not countenance staying overnight and so it means many hours of driving in one day, no wine and reduced time spent with our friends. But if I do not let him have his own way he will not go at all and we shall be even more socially isolated. So as you say I shall keep smiling and be strong

I too have to do the driving and hate it - we are about to set of for a holiday and it will involve motorway driving which is my bete noire.

Sorry for all you ladies who have husbands with problems - we have to keep smiling and be strong, but there are days.......

Well merlotgran and durhamjen you have started my day off so well! thank you. I too get really fed up with being the sole driver, especially when Mr P thinks it is his role to keep a running commentary on my driving, invariably negative too! And I know I am lucky he is still around after four strokes and should count my blessings, but sometimes it takes an outside voice to make this point, when I am feeling particularly fed up with things. I hope you helped Sparkygran too! certainly did me good.

I think you feel it more when you relax, sparky.
I get fed up of my family telling me I'll be okay because I'm strong, when inside I feel like curling up and howling.
I wish my husband was here so he could look after me now. Not that he would have been able to, but it would be nice to hear his voice, instead of my grandson telling me how much he misses his grandad every day.
My husband's mother has had a couple of bleeds on the brain lately, and it's as if she's had a personality change. My father was like that as well. I think you grieve for the person you have lost even if they are still here, if you understand what I mean.