STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

Mishap you are so understanding. Mr Purple's problem is really that he sounds too good. A speech therapist told me he is a fluent aphasic which means that he does not sound robotic like many do. However his use of pronouns is quite cavalier, he has lost a lot of his words and has to substitute phrases eg kangaroo land for Australia and the magic roundabout for the M25. His understanding is very poor to which means that I never embark on small talk because he cannot cope with random thoughts.
Social gatherings are very tricky as you say. Even family gatherings can be fraught because we all talk at once and he gets very frustrated and either withdraws in a mood or stops the conversation with a lecture on something we spoke about two minutes before or something else entirely because he misunderstood.
Oh how we wish he'd had a heart attack instead!

So pleased to hear that Sparkygran. It is normality that we all crave after a stroke I think. It is good news that Mr S can enjoy an outing like that.
Well ladies, we have spoken to the powers that be of Mr Purple's club. They were so surprised that he had felt excluded although I don't think they are any more aware of the problems of aphasia.
He is going to give it another go and hopefully things will improve. Sadly though it is a bit like when your child says that nobody wanted to play with them in the playground. You cannot insist on people being friendly. Especially when the people are middle aged/ elderly gentlemen who are rather set in their ways. Time will tell and I at least have my Monday evenings back for a while

Sparkygran. There is life after stroke!

My son had a stroke 8 years ago and has a fulfilling life. He isn't always happy about things but he has lots going on in his life.

Lots more shopping experiences to look forward to.

Today I swept the DH off to local Mall and did he enjoy himself or did he not - YES he did. Purchases were made for 2 new woolly pulleys and a very striking shirt - in a previous existence it would have taken him at least 6-months to make up his mind and then of course the goods would have all gone.

We had lunch and he was just so happy it did my heart good.

Perhaps there is life after stroke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight I am feeling happy

Aphasia is such a difficult disability - the slowness of communication and the patience required of the listener are not conducive to normal social intercourse, and parties and social gatherings are a nightmare.

I remember as a social worker, many people I was working alongside had this problem and the difficulty for me was getting all the work in for each day when one client would need so much time spent because of their communication problem. The last thing I wanted to do was to seem to be hurrying them. It was always very difficult.

How bad is his aphasia? You can acquire communication devices for use in social situations, but they do single you out as different and this may be the last thing he wants.

How disappointed you must be in this organisation for their lack of patience and sensitivity - I would be furious.

What a strange society we live in that only vales the fit and the beautiful and does not have the time for anything less.

I long ago worked out that if anyone is watching I'm never likely to see them again, Annsixty!

I hope that you have blinds for the windows Hunt.

hunt you are a revelation

lol @ Galen love it Hunt talk about recycling

Thought you might like to know about my ladies in-car facility! -a 2 litre icecream box complete with lid, a folded towel inside and the whole lot stored in a M & S small carrier. You pee into the box,the towel saves spills, it's easy to use, the lid means you can stow it away easily and the towel can be washed and used again. Invaluable for motor way jams!.

Great idea Hunt. And it would not look that unlikely kept in the car either. Just a bit of forgotten shopping. Glad you are getting out and about Sparkygran. I know it makes such a difference to the carer to be social and it stops the stroke recoverer turning into a hermit which is a great temptation because it avoids potential awkwardness. We shall go forward fabric conditioner bottles at the ready!

We used to keep a urinal by the bed as it saved my DH having to get up. Unfortunately his second hand kidney didn't know night from day, so he needed to go during the night as often as. During the day.
We had them on our boat as well, where we referred to them as the 'en suite facilities!'

Hunt never thought of one of those! good idea! and as you say retains it's lovely smell.

I`m glad you are going to address the problem with the group leader Purpledaffodil along with Mr P and you never know just bringing it out into the open may help everyone. A lot of people simply do not know how to deal with situations which are life changing for others it`s a bit like a bereavement when a person will cross to the other side of the street rather than have to speak to the bereaved person.

Thanks for info Hunt will follow up.

Apart from nightmare journey home from friends in the country last week was enjoyable we had 2 outings for coffee with friends which did both of us good.

Keep us posted Purpledaffodil

Just a rider on the bottle question. A certain ''comfortable'' fabric softener container makes a marvelous portable urinal. Wide neck, leak proof lid - and it retains its nice smell!

Thanks for that Greenfinch. I also have seen the same thing as in autistic children being shunned because they are regarded as "odd" whereas children in wheelchairs are accepted. I am not sure where the solution lies. Children can be thoughtless and egocentric, but when they grow up to be thoughtless egocentric adults it is saddening. We are going to talk to the group leader to try and explain the problem, but as with children, you cannot force people to be more friendly. Time will tell what the outcome is.
I have suggested looking for something else to join, but he is not sporty, religious or political. U3A is out because of the receptive language problems. There are stroke clubs but the joy of his old organisation is that he was not defined by his condition [just ignored] So I shall just have to bite the bullet if he stands by his resignation. But at least we will have drawn attention to the lack of inclusivity! Thanks again for your support.

Shame on those other men Purpledaffodil. When will society learn to be inclusive and when will the general public show some emotional maturity ? At the other end of the scale my DGS who is autistic with no obvious physical disabilities is ignored and worse by his peers while his cousin with cerebral palsy and in a wheel chair gets included.
It is hard for you too with no time to re-charge your batteries Is there something else he could join though it would not be easy? for you and kind thoughts.

It seems relevant to this thread to add that we are currently having a lot of angst, with an international professional men's organisation to which Mr Purple has belonged on and off for 30 years. Won't name because it might lead to identification problems. Anyway, he has found that he is left very much on his own at meetings cos blokes find it easier to talk to other similar blokes, rather than chap with aphasia. Interestingly a news item today said that a third of people admit finding it awkward talking to disabled people. Because aphasia is a hidden disability, I suspect it is easier to leave a chap out of things rather than if he were in a wheelchair.
Being a chap of very few words, Mr P emailed and resigned, cos he was fed up with being Billy No Mates at so called fellowship gatherings. I have seen this in action, so I know it isn't paranoia. Shall I talk to the leader who has called and expressed sadness at the resignation? Or shall I just let Mr P let go of his last remaining contact with normal pre stroke life? Tricky one!
P.s Not being entirely altruistic here. It is the one evening I do not have to be his total companionship and now it has gone

Like that one my 9-year-old granddaughter asked recently "how many glasses of wine do you drink Grandma" answered evasively that that was a very question I was not prepared to answer thankfully she accepted that. Whew

Pure Offspring Syndrome passes down through the generations - Think Saffy on AbFab! When we were on holiday just before Easter, Our fifteen yr old grandaughter was frowning at her mum for pouring another glass of wine while Granny was happily knocking it back with no tutting from anyone.

Stansgran you are so right why or why do one`s offspring become so purer than pure don`t they understand that "Mummy" is having to cope with a hellish situation and a few glasses of red wine help her remain sane.

Having said that DD is a star one DS is great the other one says there is nothing wrong with Dad he`s better than he has been for years!!! get rid of the care package and have you not yet conquered shaving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Purpledaffodil if you are considering changing you name in honour of Merlotgran I should probably change mine to Riojagran but I`m not averse to a Merlot or in face I`m quite amenable to any good red

Oops should have said"cannot cope with more than two". merlotgran I can see where your name comes from now Perhaps I should change mine to Proseccogran? We used to say the odd glass made you a better mother. Certainly makes me a more tolerant carer!

Just wanted to say that you can get a 'Just Can't Wait' card from the Bladder and Bowel Foundation. They ask for a donation of £5.

It might also be a good idea to get a Radar key, which opens disabled toilets which are usually locked.