My daughter lives in fear of her husband's moods and tempers

I sincerely hope that solicitors are not pressuring women into mediation with violent men. A relative of mine was badgered into mediating by legal people and ended up losing the case and having to pay huge costs.
Mediation not helpful if one party is a bully.

Please remember that it's possible to track people with certain mobile phones so make sure she checks that out before she leaves. She is lucky to have loving parents close by to offer support but it's very likely that your place will be the first place he will come to whether your daughter decides to stay with you or not. Please be prepared for this, as much as you can, when the time comes and ensure that your safety is secured. So many women are going through this but thankfully they now have much more protection from the police and courts. I truly hope that this nightmare will soon be over.

Gosh yes, I think the stay off Facebook thing is worth telling your DD Ailma...to my mind it's a nosyparkers heaven so he may well be able to use it to his advantage...

Alima I have little to add to the excellent advice from others other than that she needs to get away from him not in a few weeks time but now however she does need to have all important documents ie passports, birth certificates, bank details etc with her. Women`s Aid is a great organisation but everything must be planned down to the very last detail because as stated before the actual leaving is the most dangerous time.

She is very lucky to have you when I was working I was involved in helping at least one woman to leave her abusive husband and she made it.

My thoughts are will all of you at this horrendous time

To be perfectly frank, mediation is entirely inappropriate in a situation where a partner has put someone "in fear for their life." Solicitors are obliged to bring mediation up, but it should be refused and she should simply get out.

The advice you have all been giving is a huge help. We feel we are going into all this fully prepared now. She goes to see the solicitor tomorrow. She has mentioned mediation before and wants to speak to him(the husband) about it. The point is she is too frightened to do that. Thank you all so much.

I could weep for all the dreadful times that some of you have been through.Perhaps some of us have thought in the past that our marriages have been a bit "dull and lacking " but some of your posts put it all in perspective. Lots of hugs to you all for your courage in dealing with it and I hope your lives now are peaceful and happy.

Women's Aid a good idea. Don't underestimate the capacity of an angry man to bully you - or to play the victim and try to get your help. Particularly if you have never encountered one yourself. I stayed with my mother who was not strong enough to stand up to him and protect me. It was not until he hit my step father (who was just sitting in his chair watching TV ) and he got his solicitor to write a letter telling him not to come near the house, that he stayed away. One of the few times stepfather did anything useful l!!!
These days I guess you have to advise women to change their phone - give their old phone to someone else so they don't get to receive the onslaught of calls and texts and to stay off Facebook and get someone to screen their email etc. Modern connectivity leaves too many channels of communication open and also can reveal someones location.
Great plan grannyactivist .

You should not mention on here where you or you daughter live. But in some areas the PPU (Police Public Protection) units are very helpful and have domestic abuse outreach workers who can offer support and advice.

This is as well as local woman's aid groups

Where they are working closely with the police they can offer all sorts of support that may be needed if she is worried how he will react after she has left him. You could try speaking to your daughters local police authority or Googling them to see what facilities they have.

They might also know if her partner/husband has any previous offences of domestic abuse so mentioning his name could help.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2576120/Clares-Law-means-people-told-partners-violent-past.html

If they do and any previous situations were quite serious they might possibly want to talk to her about it. They would probably not tell you though.
I can only echo the good advice others have given.
As you will see there are a lot of people on here who have first hand experience of these situations for themselves or close relatives.

(((hugs))) to all of you who are going, or have been through this situation.

Altima take all the advice on her and move ASAP. Last week my exhusband (decree nisi in Feb) was convicted of assault by beating and criminal damage (he smashed my phone to stop me calling the police but I managed to do so from another phone when he left the room) He had been abusive in the past but I kept trying and on this occasion he kept me prisoner for 2hours and threatened to kill me. Please don't wait abusers never change they just get worse. I gave evidence in court against him he thought he would get off but he didn't. My children are now grown up but it is still a trauma they are just so glad I finally managed to leave him. Please encourage your daughter not to wait. 2 women a week are killed by their partners because of escalating abuse, I was very lucky .

Good advice from those who have 'been there'. I only hope your daughter will leave and soon.

womens aid are the people, cannot praise them enough

I agree with you grannyactive I cannot praise Womans aid enough, they saved my life

When my dd was in an abusive relationship..I bought her a cheap mobile phone with some credit on, her partner used to smash hers to bits.she hid the phone and always rem to charge it up it was one of the really cheap ones and its charge would last forever,at least I knew she could contact someone...! just a thought.

Alima I helped one of my students, *Tina, to leave her abusive husband. We took it in stages and had all the plans in place before she actually left.

1. I contacted the local Women's Aid and they sent an outreach interviewer who met Tina at my house and we discussed the help available. Her advice and support were invaluable. (Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 – 24hour helpline for women who are victims of domestic abuse)
2. Tina brought all hers and her child's important documents/photographs etc to my house.
3. In subsequent visits she brought clothing, shoes and toys etc.
4. She eventually got a place in a refuge and there was a date set for her to move.
5. On the day of the move she wrote a letter to her husband explaining that she was leaving and her reasons why. A taxi took her to a location from where she was collected and taken to a Women's Refuge. She has never seen her husband again and that was three years ago.

www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

*Not her real name

* Jess m* is right. Get all important documents together and leave them at your house. Work out an escape plan just in case. You both need a code to use if she feels in danger. "It looked like rain at 2 so I bought the washing in" or something equally innocuous. This might seem all a bit over the top but all the evidence tells us women are at their most vulnerable when they have made up their minds to leave. My daughter left her husband recently and is much happier now. It was hard and she was frightened. All I could do was stand in the background ready to support her. She knew we were there like a safety net and she tells me that gave her courage. There is nothing I can say that will stop your anxiety. Stand firm be brave and patient. She will need you but her life will be much better and eventually she will reclaim her independence and confidence.

Unfortunately, however far away you are, Alima, he could always reach you - but if you contact the police, and ask for their advice it's a start.

Try Womans Aid, they will put some distance between them, It will be further away from you but they are good at protecting women and children, you can still visit her and at least they will be safe

Thank you for your comments. Yes, they must get away from him. We live only a mile away so don't think it will be far enough.

Being as succinct as possible. Get her out. We did it. Things are now ok!

Oh my gosh Alima, I feel so badly for you and your family. No one should have to put up with this sort of fear. Your daughter is so lucky to have you and your husband . Get your girl and her baby out of there ASAP . All good wishes to you all and God speed.

She does need to leave now for her own and her child's safety. Please be prepared for a difficult road ahead. Have contingency plans in place for an unwelcome visit from the husband when they move into your home - do not leave it till the last minute to be thinking "on the hoof."

If her son goes to a nursery at all they need to be fully in the picture to avoid the possibility of mistakes in who takes collects him.

I would speak to your neighbourhood police officer and explain what is planned so that if you have reason to contact them urgently they will know what the situation is.

In other words - have all your ducks in a row - plan for the worst and hope for the best.

There are of course women's shelters and this may be something to consider. The first place he will go is your house - the shelter as a temporary arrangement has the virtue of being a hidden venue.

It is so sad that you have this dreadful worry in your life.

This is so sad, she should leave him while the little one is still small. Its much harder when children are older. He will not change he will get worse over time. Your daughter needs to make sure in her own mind that she has to leave, otherwise when the sob stories start as they will from him, things like "I will change, I cant live without you etc." she will go back to him, ideally she HAS to stop loving him to be strong enough to leave. She should not let him have a clue she will leave otherwise he will get very angry. Womans Aid is worth looking into. She is very fortunate to have such loving and helpful parents, best wishes to all of you

You're doing the right thing by offering her a safe home and all the support she needs. Get her out ASAP and have a restraining order issued should he show any intimidating behaviour near your house.

This is not a situation in which to dither. Remind your daughter that thousands of women get injured and worse by men who do not control their anger. And babies too.
She should get out of there without delay. When I was leaving my abusive husband my solicitor said to take with you any precious documents and photographs because you might never be able to get access to them again. So get your papers together, then when he goes to work, stick your clothes etc in black plastic bags and get into a taxi and come to yours (or you fetch her).
And be prepared to contact the police if he comes near your house.