How To Resign As a Godmother...!

* Mishap * Are you saying that your local Vicar is happy to know that people are standing in the church making promises that that have no intention to keep? She is happy for those people to be dishonest as long as it is only a little bit dishonest . Still, I suppose in the end her 'boss' will know the truth.

I doubt a Priest would condone lies ginny, it is painful for them to turn away a child because of the adults but it has to be done, the baptism would just be a mockery

My main problem is that a Godparent makes certain promises during the service. I don't understand why a vicar would condone anyone telling what amounts to lies and why anyone would willingly make them with so many witnesses. It seems very hypocritical to me.

The Godparent makes the promises not the child and being a Godparent is for life, it's not about giving money or having thank you letters. I don't think all Priests prepare parents and Godparents for a Baptism, yet there are parents so set on 'having it done' they will lie. It's also difficult for the Priest, if he/she refuses to baptised a child because of the choice of Godparents the child is being refused a welcome into the church family.

If a Godchild chooses to break away from the Godparents not a lot can be done, a letter explaining that you are there for them is all one can do

You can continue to pray for them

Let's face it the £20 is probably a drop in the bucket for these youngsters and he probably would not miss it.

Two of our DDs chose christenings for their children and another a naming ceremony. I talked to one about why she chose christening as opposed to naming when she is not a church-goer and I thought her answer was interesting - that we all have our own gods (however we define them - external/internal or whatever) and that she wanted her child to have that awareness, and, since most of the religion around them in their locality is christian the welcoming ceremony might as well be via that.

I think most vicars know that a christening is as much about welcoming a child into the community of family and friends and supporting that child to live a decent life by whatever route. I know our local vicar has no problem with it at all, but sees it as a public expression of intention to care for the child and bring them up with moral values. She expresses that intention in theist terms, but she has no problem with those that might not toe that line to the letter. Good for her!

It's a difficult one, Glad35 But I think I would carry on until the boy was 18, as you have done this for so many years.He may well be delighted that he has you to take an interest in him, even if it is just birthdays and Christmas.Try putting in a letter with your card and cheque asking him about himself? If the £20 is a hardship then reduce it by half, but tell him that you are retired now, if you do that, so he knows why.
Being a Godparent doesn't seem to mean what it used to mean in the past,and parents often choose several Godparents for their child 'on the day'.The christening is now more seen as a social thing.I agree with Ginny and the post above.

I am pleased to see so many agree with me. I was a little afraid that some would think I was being a bit harsh.

I have been asked on several occasions to be a Godmother but have explained my position with no hard feelings from those who asked. I have always taken an interest in the children concerned and still keep in touch. Most of them are still part of our social circle. Many children have a number of people who take a special interest in them , Aunts, Uncles, other relatives and family friends.

As I said I am not a believer but it does annoy me when people 'use' the church because it is pretty, traditional or is what has always been done. Quite an insult to those who are believers and support the church regularly.

I resisted the pressure of family to have my two children Baptised as I knew I couldn't ask anyone to make vows they might not keep.I wasn't popular but I stuck to my decision.My daughter chose to be Baptised in her 20s.My son never has and chose a naming ceremony for his daughter.

Ginny and Micelf I so agree with your posts. It's such a shame that someone hasn't thought of a new name for secular "godparents". I am amazed that people who are not Christians can stand in church and make the vows they do when they become GODparents. I can understand that people would like a dedicated 'sponsor' for their child, to take a special interest , but IMO people should look into the true responsibilities of being a godparent before agreeing to be one ,or indeed invite someone to be one.

I always understood that a godparent would need to be a very close and longstanding friend of the family. The fact that a friendship has fizzled out just because someone has moved away indicates that the godparent arrangement was probably not a very good idea in the first place.

And surely a godparent is meant to be more than someone who hands out presents and money? I'm not sure that seeing this relationship in purely monetary terms is a good thing for the child or the godparent. I always assumed that a godparent took a special interest in the godchildren and was pro-active in maintaining the relationship.

I am not religious but I like the idea of a child having someone in his/her life, other than parents, with whom they have an affectionate and supportive relationship.

Just one godparent needed in Church of Scotland but often choose to have a male and a female.

Perfectly put ginny thank you.

My godmother is well over 90 now but we still keep in touch and take an interest in each other. My godfather was my mother's cousin and was very attentive for about 10 years. There were always cards and presents and visits. Then he suddenly married a Scottish lady, disappeared off to Scotland and we never saw or heard anything from him again, presumably he just lost interest.
Catholics certainly have godparents Rowantree

Nellie - to your last comment!
Jane - yes, I can see your point

Is this just a C of E thing, or do other religions/branches of Christianity have godparents too?

But Godparents have taken on a specific commitment Rowantree so I don't think it's quite the same as just a friend.

ginny has made a good point about the serious nature of the vows made by Godparents.

I am afraid there are probably a lot of absent godparents about. Certainly from the days when most people had their children baptised, who never considered the seriousness of the vows taken by them at a baptism.

In these more secular days I think there are a number of parents now who have "naming ceremonies" which serve the function of a "family do" to welcome the new child to a family.

There was a vicar in the area where I used to live in who said he was getting tired of having to explain to people why they couldn't have their Jewish friends as C of E Godparents.

I'd agree there is something special about knowing that someone cares about you, but that can be anyone you're close to and care about - whether they call themselves godparents or not.

My godparents didn't resign when I became an adult.
My godmother was my mother's best friend and my godfather my Dad's.
My parents are dead but I value the connection I still have with both my godparents.
We were not, and are not religious but there is something special about knowing that someone cares about you. My godfather is widowed and has no family of his own and I'm glad that I can repay some little part of what he and his wife gave me.

It's situations like these that make me relieved that I don't have those 'duties' as we aren't Christians. However, years ago, my ex-sister-in-law asked me to be godmother to her and my brother's first baby (she was a Christian and my brother went along with her wishes for the quiet life). I declined (politely!) because I knew it would be hypocritical to promise something I couldn't keep to.
We'd always 'look out for' our nephews and nieces, however, and if anything happened to my brothers we would of course step in and help out - but that's not quite the same thing, is it?

I stopped sending anything to my godson years ago, he is now about 30. I was never invited to anything like birthday parties or anything to do with him and suspected that his parents just did the whole christening thing because it was the done thing, and they were very into doing things the right way. They do not attend Church, neither do I, never have, so after taking great trouble to select gifts when he was little and never getting an acknowledgement, I just stopped. Incidentally, have also stopped contact with his parents when I realised that our 'relationship' consisted of me getting a long boastful letter every Christmas, and nothing more. I dont think they have even noticed that I stopped sending Christmas cards about 5 years ago!

(Crossed posts, MiceElf)

I do agree, ginny. I have to bite my tongue every time DD says she's been asked by one of her friends to be godmother to their latest child, because the vast majority of young people do seem to think the job just entails remembering birthdays and giving out presents...

I don't want to be po faced about this, but it sounds as though you resigned as Godparent a long time ago. If you read the duties of a Godparent on the C of E website ( I'm assuming this is the denomination) you will see that it is a serious commitment where you promise to help the child to know God, encourage them in their spiritual life and help them to be active members of their church. It certainly isn't about giving money.

It's sad that your friendship has withered through distance or perhaps other reasons, but I think you remain a Godparent until chid reaches adulthood. If you took those promises seriously, I think I would cease all money giving and write or visit asking your Godchid about spiritual and other matters and how they are doing. If you didn't, then it means nothing anyway.

I'm not sure that if you believed in the promises you made at the christening that you can 'resign'.

Being a Godparent is not about sending birthday cards and gifts. It is surely a commitment about encouraging the child to live a Christian life and come to confirmation at a later date. I personally don't know why any one who does not intend to do this would agree to be a God parent in the first place.

I speak as a non believer.

Sorry but I would think there are a lot of people in a similar boat.

I have 5 godchildren, 3 of whom I no longer see but I stopped sending them money when it was obvious things had changed. I shall however send them a cheque for their 18th birthday and a little note to say I was proud to have been chosen by their parents when they were born but circumstances changed but I wanted to let them know I had them still in my thoughts. I would not expect a thank you note but it would be gratefully received if I did get one.

The thing is, we are the adult, they are children. We have the power of communication they did not. Age comes into play but once they are over 18 then it is perfectly reasonable for any God Parent to 'resign' their role.

Good Luck whatever you decide to do.