unkind friend

I wouldn't want to be friends with her either. The problem you have is you are still working with her. I would ignore her if possible. If she continues to make snide remarks and you feel the need to stand up to her, turn it back on her by repeating what comment she has said then ask her why she would say that. Or if you say something like, "that's enough," when she or her new friend makes a snide remark to you they might start to understand you are not going to be bullied.

People do show who they are, your friend has shown she can only be friends with one person at a time, she isn't loyal and she is a bully! Good luck

I guess it depends on how much you want to re-kindle the friendship. In my case we'd been friends for over 25 years so boy, did it hurt. After the business split, she didn't contact me and I didn't contact her apart from half hearted Christmas cards for a couple of years. Then I decided that I wanted a total break from even wondering whether we'd be friends again - I knew though that I felt much too hurt - and proud - to even consider it, after everything that had happened. It was far more involved than I've said and not really of any interest to anyone else, but I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer the same. I still wonder whether there was anything I could have done differently to make a difference, but in the end, everyone has their price or their cut-off point. The balance of opinion here is to cut your losses and ditch her, but you have to feel ready to do that and in a place where you'll have emotional support to weather any resulting backlash. Go with your gut instinct - and good luck. Let us know how it all goes.

I agree - don't broach the subject with her or you might sound needy. Move on and show that you don't need either her friendship or her approval.

I'm with janeaisworth and mishap, here. Let her go. She's not worth bothering about, because real friends don't behave like this.

Let us know how it goes chris999

Chris I am not sure why you think you have to 'stand up' to this woman. You make it sound as though you feel the need to have a confrontation.

Either you want to be friends with her, in which case you will have to just ignore the snide remarks, and steel yourself to not mind her unkindness, or you don't want to be friends with her, in which case just ignore her and spend time with other friends instead.

I think if you tell her how unhappy she's making you, she and the other person will just carry on being unpleasant.

I agree with Mishap, I wouldn't waste time on her.

Thanks all, for all your comments and ideas. I'm pretty new to gransnet and it is such a lovely feeling just having someone impartial and supportive to listen x

I had a friend who I met when we started working at the same company in 1973. We became very good friends as we had a lot in common, one thing being a bad marriage. We both left our husbands after 25 years in my case and about the same in hers. I met the lovely husband I am now married to now and have been blissfully happy for the past 18 years. She hasn't married but has an old flame who she has a kind of relationship with. She started being what I can only call a nuisance. She would turn up at our house at tea time when she knew my husband would be coming home. She would park on the drive knowing it would be inconvenient. She then started ringing me around 5:15 when she knew we would be having dinner. She would ring about ridiculous things and in the end I just stopped answering the phone at that time. I decided the friendship had run it's course and stopped seeing her. Sometimes things go too far to be ironed out.

Chris, a similar situation happened to me - we were 'best friends' and then worked together with a small cottage industry business dyeing threads. The cracks began to appear as she grew in confidence but it felt as if it was at my expense. She patronised me, made belittling comments and expected me to laugh at them when they made me feel small and ridiculed. It's a subtle form of bullying - chris999, it doesn't matter how oversensitive you are, how much of a worrier - this is still bullying. It's very tricky working out how to deal with it though. In my case, she told me she didn't want to work with me any more - BY EMAIL, not in person - and the resulting fallout was horrendous as we had to split all our stock and she got her OH to come round and bully me into doing it all by the date SHE set. That was over 5 years ago, and I've moved on since but it's left its mark.
In your case, would you be able to ask her out to coffee or suggest a meeting with her, just the two of you? You could then tell her that you've noticed that you feel your friendship has changed a lot recently and you're wondering if anything has happened to cause that. Tell her how much you valued what you had and how sad you feel that things seem so different, and is there anything you both can do to work things out and make it better. You then aren't accusing her, which might make her angry and defensive, but diffusing the situation a little - whilst making it clear that you feel sad and that you miss what you had.
It's horrible feeling excluded - and I'm sorry to bring up my experience again but we went to the same textile groups and I was the one who had to withdraw from them all to avoid awkwardness with mutual friends and acquaintances. She had also taken up with someone else and they had become best friends. And you're right: it's very much like the school playground. People are complicated beings, aren't they? I do sympathise with your predicament and I'm curious to see what other advice you get on Gransnet. I'd definitely consider talking to her though if you can face it. Youd then have the moral 'upper hand' in that you aren't seeking to blame her but looking together for a solution.

It is like playground behaviour. I remember it well!

If you want to retain the friendship, maybe tell your friend how you are feeling.

If she keeps on being unkind you might want to reconsider.

And why not develop some interests which do not include her; you might make some new kind friends.

Why would you wish to retain this friendship? - it sounds as if she is being a proverbial pain in the rear!