Step children and their family

Well it's difficult to keep conversations light when she only rings my DH on his mobile. I've just found out that it's been agreed between them that when the new baby arrives only my DH should visit as DD doesn't want to be 'overwhelmed' by too many visitors. My DH doesn't want to rock the boat and be refused access.

I agree with glammanana's last sentence. Keep in touch now and again, keep the door open, conversation light. I am very happy for you that your sons appreciate and care for your DH.

Firsttimegran Is OH's DD his only child ? does she see her mother on a regular basis ? Its such a shame that she feels as she does when you are so far away and can't help to repair the situation she is probably feeling very vulnerable with her expecting again,I would keep in touch with her on a regular basis and keep conversation light and about her & DGC and how wonderful it will be to have a new member in the family.

I've always tried to be open and friendly to her in the 14 years we have been together, she was at Uni when we got together so not a child. I've always had a fairly cool reception. I used to go with DH to visit but since she has her own home she says there is only room for my DH to stay so if we go together we have to stay in a travel lodge. I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in her home so prefer not to go. She is now expecting a new baby so it's only going to get worse

Perhaps DHs DD is feeling vulnerable and threatened but is going about the matter in the wrong way.

The situation is as it is, probably only partly because of the distance.
Does your DH go on his own when he visits his DD every couple of months, what would happen if you went with him, would it show his DD more clearly that she was cared for.

On the other hand, some people are looking to be 'offended' and it is very hard of her not to let you be gran, and doesn't help the situation. Sounds to me like she likes to have something to moan about.

Your DH is sort of stuck in the middle.
It's lovely that your two DS care so much for him, and sort of shows up his DD, especially as she was rude to you. Hard to get past that.

How very difficult for you. Realistically as they live further away, they will not see so much of you - it is the same for us, but we do not have the "step" problem. I have no idea how you solve this problem - it must be very trying.