Not sure what's gone wrong.....

I don't know greenfairy but it sounds as though your goodwill and patience has been sorely tested and I'm not sure anyone is thinking about your welfare. I wouldn't presume to advise on such a complex issue but I do hope things turn out well for you. Sometimes you just have to let the dust settle and everyone move into their own space.

I read and felt I couldn't comment apart from the cheek of reading your phone texts and the fact that he feels he can text your friend insulting you. Perhaps you should be glad to see him out of the house.

Memo to Self.

Always keep your mobile with you at all times.

Sorry it has come to this

How is your relationship with the ex-gf, greenfairy? I had a similar experience 23 years ago when my DS1 was 20. Eventually, he went to work abroad but sent money for his daughter. I maintained a 'friendly' relationship with her mum who is a 'difficult' character and I couldn't count the times I had to bite my tongue. DGD and her half brother spent a lot of time with me. DGD, from an early age, would come and take over my kitchen - she's now an accomplished cook. My point is, if it's possible, try to maintain a relationship with the mother. This might be easier now that your son is out of the house. It certainly was for me. My GD and I are still very close although, after graduating, she went to live with her father, his wife and her half siblings, 'down south'. Good luck to you, greenfairy.

No it is not jealousy on your part. When your son moved back in with you, he forgot that it was your house and he was a guest. To move his girlfriend in was probably the straw that broke the camel's back for you. Living with adult children is difficult enough, without adding a third person to the mix.

It took a lot of courage to ask you son to move out but it is likely to be the best. It seems you have done much more for him than many parents would have.

I would ignore the text he sent,if you can, and start afresh. I am sure that you will still see your gd because he will probably want help with caring for her on access weekends. If he is moving in with the new gf she may not want the child around, so possibly you might get even more time with her.

I wish you well, stay strong.

Thanks for all your thoughts guys. My relationship with the ex gf is practically non-existent. She still lives with her mother and is very much under her thumb (and I'm known in their family as 'the witch'!)
The new gf won't find it a problem having my gd around. TBH I think she's enjoying having the older boyfriend who's got such a cute baby daughter (IYKWIM). She's still at college but works part time at a children's nursery so she is now walking around all the time with my gd on her hip, referring to her as 'her little munchkin' (see where I think my jealousy might come into play?).
I guess if I don't get to see my gd much I will have to contact my son's ex direct to make arrangements. Maybe I'm anticipating problems that won't be there - who knows!?
Appreciate your comments, got quite low this morning questioning what my part was in all this and how to try and fix it, compounded by the awful relationship with his previous gf's family, I'm the common denominator?! Still smarting from him reading my personal messages and yes jollyg mobile hasn't left my side since!
Don't recognise my son these last couple of years.... Anyway, am more cheered now after your words and a rainy dog walk!

GF .......even if you hid your mobile in your knicker drawer, anyone could find it by ringing the number. and listening unless you switched ir off

Kids are smart these days just as you were, and your kindness shines through, but there comes a time, when as you say you dont understand your son now, welcome to the club

GF So sorry to read your post our children really do try us sometimes don't they and they don't realise the hurt they are causing.
I would see how things end up on Friday when your son & GF move out to their own place things may have calmed by then,if things are still difficult I would write to the mother of your DGD and briefly explain that you are going to miss your DGD now her father has moved out and would she find it possible for you to see her during the week or offer to childmind for her if she needs care for the little one,make it pleasent and brief and she may reply in your favour if you tell contact with your DGD is so important to you.

Hi glammanana - the new GF doesn't live with me here, my son wants her to 'stay over' more than I'm comfortable with so he's moving out to his own place. He's been seeing her 5 months. She still lives with her parents as she's only 18. But his moving out means my DGD won't stay here when it's 'his' weekend now.
I'll see how the land lies after my son's moved out and if I'm not getting to see my DGD I'll approach his ex as some of you have suggested. Just need to avoid the other grandmother as she's a loony!
Writing things down has helped me see it a little clearer..... I'm disappointed in how my son's been with me this last 7 months when I've tried hard to help him over the break-up of his last relationship.
We agreed a small monthly rent - he's paid it 3 times, reluctantly. He's borrowed money that still hasn't been paid back, leased a brand new car (and returning it this week so he has enough money for the new flat). Is cross with me for not helping him with the deposit on the new place (as I did with the previous one). He had strangers over to stay when I was away last month (the new gf's teenage friends) and been very rude and disrespectful to me in front of her too, so yes - I've been moody and not very 'warm' when she's been over. He thinks I'm being spiteful and nasty to somebody who hasn't done anything. In a way he's right - she hasn't, but I'm just sick of it all. We used to get on so well, I would never have envisaged he would be like this (he says the same about me btw!). All seems so petty written down like that!

I am sure he will appreciate you after he moves out and has to pay his own way! If he falls out with new GF, he may want to come back, but you should think of yourself for once and try to make him stand on his own feet at last. I hope you will still be able to spend time with DGD.

I don't think it sounds petty written down. You just sound like someone at the end of your tether. Like many parents on this site you have done your very best, and cannot understand your childs' actions. Sometimes sons and daughters seem to take a very long time to mature and stop blaming others for their problems.

I hope things turn out better for you and that you are able to continue your loving relationship with your daughter.

If it's any consolation, I doubt an eighteen year old will want to be saddled with a toddler every weekend. Hopefully you will still be needed for childcare.

How do kids grow up to be so awful?

I agree with jings, it's possible that at the weekends you could be having dgd for the occasional sleepover
Perhaps the dust will settle, let's hope so.

I think shysal has made a good point. He will miss all his creature comforts when he moves out and has bills to pay, shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

Why not smooth things over a little and get him a little leaving present and suggest he comes back for a meal once in a while? Tell him you've been under a strain, but you quite understand he wants to stand in his own two feet (!) and that you respect his decision. Yes, I know you can't wait to see the back of him at the moment, but do keep lines of communication open, both with him and your GD's mother.

And jingl's right - you'll probably still be needed for childcare.

It might be a good idea to get the new gf on your side. At least she likes the baby and if you treat her like a friend, she might reciprocate.

The new gf adores the baby - obviously better than not adoring her, just that up till now she was happy to take more of a back seat when I was present, letting me be grandma. Now she's taking a more dominant role (which my son encourages) and I resent it from a teenager who's not related to my gd and only been around for a few short months. Have to grit my teeth when she's here and I'm not good at hiding it.
I'm only giving my son a small moving in present this time, as it was only a year ago I kitted him out with loads of new bits and pieces when he moved in with the last gf (my gd's mother), all of which has been in my garage for the last 7 months. This time I've let him do it all himself, financially and practically. I was happy to help last time as I was trying to do anything I could to help them stay together as a family, knowing the odds were stacked against them.
Course I want him to be happy and he is, it's just me he has a problem with! Kids eh?! Ooooh I thought it would all be straightforward when they were all done and grown up!! WRONG haha!