Not sure if Relationships is the right place for this, but as it is divorce that's brought me here, I'll post here.
Briefly, just ended a 20 yr abusive marriage. My husband was very, very controlling and I spent most of the previous 20 years walking on eggshells. He absolutely wouldn't let me work, even suggesting it would lead to massive over reaction and rage. He chipped away at my self-confidence, telling me I was unemployable anyway.
I'd been a SAHM, before we married, but I'd done lots of volunteer work. My last "position" had been Chair of governors at children's school. My intention at that time had been to build up experience and contacts so that as the children got older I'd have a starting point for work.
Well that didn't happen. So I'm 55, with no career or job. I think the divorce settlement will be reasonable and I'll be able to get by without working if I want. But I'd rather have independence, a chance to build up savings and self-respect.
In the last year I've volunteered for CAB and qualified as an assessor. I actually did really well at it. I've also done some work with an environmental group - unpaid. I've shown myself I'm competent and now have some people who'd give me references. I've also found a course which will improve my IT skills, my weakest point.
But where do I begin? I'm emotionally damaged by this relationship and husband's behaviour has been appalling in the last couple of years. Even as the marriage passed the point of no return he tried to keep a vice like grip on everything.
What I suppose I'm actually asking is, how do I find work, build some kind of career? I have at least 13 years of working life ahead of me.
Secondly, how do I recover from years of abuse? I don't want this man's treatment of me to cast a long shadow over the rest of my life. I want to learn from it and go on a create a happy, fulfilling life.
This is a long post. I only threw in the towel a couple of hours ago after being subjected to yet more emotional abuse. He's not here, he has his own flat. This is my new beginning, but I feel exhausted.
