younger model

Forgive me if I have missed this, but how did they meet? Did she make a play for him or was it him? Work colleagues?

I don't suppose it's that easy when you've been together for such a long time and you love them.

I honestly don't understand what women see in older men ( apart from money of course ) I'm 51 & the thought of having sex with a 63 year old turns my stomach - but sorry you're going through this. Personally, I wouldn't waste a second of my time crying over him. He's dumped you after all this time & you want him back?
I'd be glad to see the back of him.

I just wondered, as I couldn't remember if I had seen you posting before. (senior moment!)

Thank you MargeretX but no he is not retired.

phoenix yes it is, can I ask why?

Was this thread your first post on GN Kacee ?

It really is a miserable time for you. I wonder if it has to do with your husband retiring? You said he was 64. A lot of couples get on well when DH is out of the house at work and then suddenly he is at home all day and everyday. You said yourself you were difficult to live with sometimes and perhaps he just can't cope being at home everyday.

I think the way forward is to accept that this is how it is now and try to convince both sides of your head that things will not now change.
You are lucky in having so much family around and they sound like caring people. So many of us don't have anyone like that near us.
Hope things get better,

Thank you Eloethan x

I argue with myself as well. As you can see from other comments, this is quite commonplace.

I'm sorry that you have had such a very sad time. I can't imagine how distressed you must have been when this happened - especially since you have known your husband from childhood.

I hope that the medication you are receiving tides you over for the time being and that you are able to talk your feelings through with your psychiatric nurse or someone else.

It is good that you have family around you and a loving brother who, from what you say, is very supportive.

I hope that in time you will feel much happier and you can put this terrible time behind you.

But I often tell myself (in my head) to shut up and stop being so stupid as I know that I over-think things and can go round in circles incessantly.

But I realise that it is different from a diagnosed illness which must be quite frightening.

I argue with myself out loud - a habit developed since I have lived alone. I sometimes get a sensible answer!

I too am constantly arguing with myself in my head. I agree that those who don't must be very sure of themselves.

Kacee you have probably not told us all about your illness, and I wish you well and hope you stay well.

However, I'd just like to say that I thought it was perfectly normal to argue with yourself in your head, I thought everyone did it - and if not they must be very decided in their views.
I would think also that anyone's head would be all over the place if they were in your situation. Anyway, I hope you get the help and support you need and can work through this and find yourself in a better place.

tanith you did not upset me. I decided when this all started (and told all my family) that I wanted to be honest with them and wanted them to be honest with me. I want to shake me sometimes too xx

Kacee I am really sorry if I said anything earlier to upset you, I hope you know that I meant the 'want to shake you', in the way I would say it to a good friend who wasn't making a whole lot of sense..

I'm glad to read you are getting some support and help from family and psychiatric services.. I really wish you best and hope it won't be too long before things improve for you.

I was married to my first (prat of a) husband for 25 years and then he got a girlfriend who was younger than our daughters. The last thing I wanted was another man and I met my second husband by accident. We have been VERY happily married for over 20 years and nobody has ever been kinder to me.

I am so sorry Kacee. It will be like a bereavement and I know what that's like, just the worst thing ever to try to cope with! Your situation is similar to what happened to my sister and her ex. They had known each other since she was 14 and he was 16. They got married in their early twenties and were happily married for a long time, they had no children. Eventually he started to pretended that he was ill, supposed to be a heart condition and he gave up his work and my sister had to kept on working to make ends meet. They had to move as they couldn't afford the mortgage on one salary. Unknown to her at their new home and while she was away to work he started seeing a 'young thing' as she put it who was on benefits away from her partner and had four young children who had different fathers and she had a reputation! She was about half his age! At the weekends while my sister was at home he would make up the excuse he was taking the dog for a walk and disappear for a while, unknown to her he was meeting this young thing'. Her Mother would look after the children as they wanted a man about the house! Anyway one time my sister saw him talking to her and asked him what was going on. She was devastated, to say the least when he told her he was moving in with her! She just couldn't believe it after all those years. She had never known anyone else but him! Her world fell apart. They had to sell the property as her husband and the 'young thing' needed the money! She ended up in very small flat in a not so desirable district as it was all she could afford. She has no family but me and my family. She had to have Cognitive Therapy to try to put things into perspective. They eventually got divorced, she would never trust him! She couldn't stand living by herself as she had never lived alone before. She lived a long way from me and my family.

After a while I suggested could she try to find someone else. She said she had finished with men and they couldn't be trusted. But in time she came round to the idea. She answered an advert in a newspaper, you know the kind someone looking for friendship. She met a few but one seemed to be alright. He had had a similar experience as her where his wife was seeing someone while he was away to work. They got married after a few years and my sister is more settled and living in a better property in another town.

During that terrible time my sister would have nothing to do with her husband, she wouldn't even mention his name. If he had asked her to take him back she would not have as he could not be trusted!

We have no idea what happened to him and we don't care!

All I can say to you Kacee is try to hold on in there, it's good you have family that should help to keep your mind focused. When my dear husband died very suddenly it was my family that gave me a reason to go on as my world as I knew it had fallen apart. You won't believe it just now but time does help a bit eventually but you never get back the life you had known. Life is what you make it and you have your family just like me.

You are in my thoughts. x

Pushed enter ahead of myself there.

No my childhood was lovely. That was a very general example, in reality it was about pretty much about everything. If they all went out in the car and I didn't want to go...something would happen etc.etc. On occassion when I went to church awful swear words would come into my head.

As I said, I think the medication has started to kick in so hopefully it can only get better.

I have enjoyed this board and it has helped. Thank you all.xx

Kacee
Apologies if my previous post sounded a bit harsh, I was just rather surprised you showed him this thread.
I am not sure that it would do any good anyway, because his head is in a place where he has to justify to himself that what he is doing is right and not all his fault.

There are posters on here who will be able to give you some very sound advice about your health. I expect the doctor wasn't saying you would be sectioned as a threat, more that he was worried about you at that particular time and he thought you needed expert help.

The right side would think of something, sometimes something simple like 'ooh I am going to have the bigger slice of cake' the left side would then tell me that if I did that something dreadful would happen to one of my daughters
That doesn't sound unusual to me - it sounds like a sort of puritan ethic, that if you indulge yourself you must be punished in some way. Did you have a very strict upbringing with feelings of guilt if you enjoyed yourself too much?

I am glad you have a strong and supportive brother and SIL. They sound lovely.

Oh Kacee. And they say 'In sickness and in Health.' But I have known men to leave their wives when they have just been diagnosed with cancer. It sounds to me as if really all that he needed was a good holiday each year away from you, rather than what he has done. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but maybe he found the responsibility too much. Men are not wired to be as nurturing as women, a combination of nature and nurture sadly.

Plan your life as if he is not coming back. No matter how you feel about him.

Oh Kacee I'm so glad that your brother is looking out for you and that you've welcomed his presence at your healthcare meetings. Is your brother also able to help you in sorting out the practical aspects of your separation?
I think you'll find that if you come on to Gransnet regularly you will get to 'know' some people on here and develop some virtual friendships. Read some of the other posts and when you're feeling up to it post on other threads. It may just give you a bit of a diversion so that you're not constantly thinking about your husband and the rotten situation you're in.

It sounds as though you have some good people around you Kacee

What a good brother. Stay strong.

Do you look after your very young grandchildren on your own Kacee?