Good news.

Although you say you are gradually losing him to dementia, how wonderful to have had the opportunity and time to get to know a father who might have otherwise been remembered in a very negative way.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty; if caring for him adversely affected your health, it would affect the relationship you now have- at least this way there will be quality time together.

It's natural that you should feel some sadness but I hope that both of you have plenty of good times together.

to you both, and let us know how it goes

I looked after my husband on my own until three weeks before he died.
The relief we both felt when at last someone else came to do the physical care and we could just enjoy being together was enormous.
Let others help your dad and you enjoy the good times you can have.
My mother in law is in a home, and has dementia. I just go with the flow.
I know that most of the stuff she says is rubbish, but it doesn't matter.
If she had got out of the house she lived in and gone for extra care much earlier, she would have had a happier time, not worrying whether she was going to fall and not be found for days, etc.

Lots of people in your situation do not get the satisfaction of finding out about the absent parent. Enjoy getting to know him better.

Anyway, like I think you said on another thread, you can find out what it's like before you need it yourself.

Rubylady I have a good friend,like me now in her 70's and her father really was a difficult and unpleasant man.
She was mostly brought up by GP's after violence towards her mother who would never leave him. However in the last few years of his life she made an enormous effort and really got to know him and she found it a very rewarding time. I must say he had mellowed and she thinks he regretted his earlier behaviour and lifestyle.
While you didn't have the same problems you are lucky to have found each other. Good luck.

That is, ultimately, a really uplifting story Rubylady, thank you for sharing it with us.

Such a lovely post Rubylady how fortunate for you both to have found each other and I bet your dad will have many happy years in his new surroundings,those years lost with him will be replaced with fond memories of these past few years when you have got to know each other so well.

It is a great relief when we find somewhere that is right for our elderly parents. Such good news.

Glad to share in your good news rubylady.

Thank you for all your lovely comments. I spoke to him earlier and he is very excited, already packing boxes without me and looking forward to his new place. He does have a problem that he has some really good gym equipment which he now doesn't know how to dispose of quickly. It is too good to just give away and any money off it would buy him some bits. Anybody any ideas? There is an inversion table, cross trainer, bike and rowing machine. I might do a separate thread and see if anyone lives close who might want them for a few pounds each.

Ebay, collect only, big things like gym equipment are always collected by the buyer, not sent

Tha.nk you Flickety but I was too late. After taking pictures with a view to putting them on Ebay, I phoned him the day after and was told that the council had come and collected them.

Right, one week to go until move in day.

Today I am going into town to meet up with my dad to sort out bank stuff and to get him a pair of shoes. The trouble is, he's asked me umpteen times where we are meeting up. I've told him I'm going to get a board with his name on it and put it over my head like at the airport, just so I can find him. He did laugh, he still has his sense of humour, thank goodness. I've told him to ask someone if he feels confused but as men generally don't like asking directions, I'll have to see. I just hope he finds me. He wont let me go and get him first as he says it's too much money and he will be ok. I'll let you know.