Toxic people

You can only do your best when it comes to relationships - if nothing comes back then it is not your fault. She led her life as she chose. It is good that there were people with her at the end. I am sure that you will be a support to your son at the funeral.

Anya, thanks for updating us and as others have said, I do believe you are right to go to the funeral as support for your son. I hope it provides some comfort for you,

I think that is lovely that you are going to your sister's funeral and I hope it gives you some peace .
Thank you Anya and Kitty for your comments re my sister. I will try and be patient and hang in there!

That was my thought too Anya. It can't be easy but you are doing the 'right' thing and I suspect you will be glad you did eventually.

Please come back and talk to us after if you want to.

mumof, due to my mother and her machinations, my brothers and I didn't speak for around 6 years. Now, despite my mother and her machinations, we are really close and would be there for each other no matter what. I suggest you give it time.

Anya I second what Ceesnan has said above. The ability to rise above the hurts of the past, and be there for your son too, is indeed heartwarming.

Anya Going to the funeral is the last gesture that you can make for your sister and I hope that it will bring peace and closure for you

I hope it goes as well as it can on Monday Anya. Your generosity of spirit, by going with your son, is heart warming.

Anya I hope you get some peace knowing you have done everything you can for your sister.

Sorry to hear that mumof - I hope things do improve for you and your sister.

I wasn't going to revive this thread but now that mumof has, I'll just add that I am going to the funeral in Monday. Not because I really want to but I didn't want my son travelling there and back alone. We might be the only ones there as the rest of the family have declined.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anya. I'm so sorry

Anya.

I don't want to embarass you nor go over past comments re the relationship with your sister but can I say that hearing your children were at her side and you are paying for her funeral your family has given all it could. I would like to say I find your actions honourable .

As for the next step, the funeral itself, may I be bold and say make your decision on the day and stop fighting the demons that have kept you and your sister apart as they are no longer there. Trust your heart on the day and do what you feel is right FOR YOU .

Take good care of yourself.

I have just read the whole of your post and I am so sorry to hear of your plight. It is so difficult when family push their loved ones away. Your sister is at peace now.

So sorry to hear the news Anya

So very sorry Anya- however difficult yur sister and the relationship was, it is very hard and think back and wonder 'why' - 'why' she became the way she was (I have an estranged brother, and I've spent so much time wondering why- he put my parents through hell and back).

No flowers - can I send (((hugs)))

I also thought absent's comment unnecessarily hard and unfeeling. I have someone in my life so toxic that after the times that I have to see her, just to keep the peace with others, I feel physically sick for hours, going over and over the awful things she has said.

So sorry, Anya.

Thank you for the update Anya. It's good to read that your children were with her. I have a close relative whose addictions have led to family estrangement so I empathise.

Kitty I'm struggling not to respond in kind to absent's post as I found it hurtful, so thanks for the invitation to 'talk'. Even saying that has helped.

No, I won't go to the funeral but I will pay for it.

Thank you for letting us know Anya. Your hard part is starting but don't dwell, it was her choice not yours.

Thank you for your update Anya. I suspect you will be in for a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over the next few days! It must be some comfort that she didn't die alone. Talk to us if you need to. Will you go to the funeral?

If this is sad for you Anya, it is sad and I send condolences. Probably all family deaths, even when there is estrangement, tear little bits off our hearts. I am estranged from my own only sister and it saddens and distresses me, not least because that extends to my own family of absentdaughter and my six grandchildren. Is she toxic? I don't think so and I think it is a pretty awful way to describe someone.

I am sorry, Anya. I have a sister like that, and what we remember most are the times when we were little, aren't they. I have to keep reminding myself that she is no longer that person.

Sorry to hear your news, Anya

I am so sorry Anya but relieved she didn't die alone . I hope in time you will think back to a childhood you shared with happiness x