Sorry, but I need advice.

No advice I'm afraid, just lots of sympathy

I agree this is worrying, but do you have a reason for contacting hospitals, like a chronic health issue, for example?
Surely there is somebody among your/her friends or family members who can put your mind at rest?
She may well not want to talk to you about it at present (am I right in thinkng you were not going anyway because of a fall out?) but why your brother won't talk about it is beyond me.
Sis-in-law, perhaps?
Good luck and do keep us posted.

So sorry to hear this rubyyou must be so worried.

You must be very worried rubylady, could you have been mis informed about the wedding being cancelled? It's a shame that your brother wont give you any information and even if he's been instructed to say nothing, I'd be annoyed with mine if he was withholding information when all I wanted was to have my mind put at rest.

You should never feel you should apologise for "going on about the same subject", estrangement from one's own child is a terrible thing to have go to through. I only wish that for us all the estrangement would end so there would be no need to mention it, think about it or have to live with it.

I hope you manage to find out what's going on.

rubylady I feel for you. I'd be beside myself with anxiety too.
I don't know the background to this - you alluded to the 'same old subject' - does your daughter have emotional problems/mental health problems to cause you to phone the hospitals?

How far do you live from her? Is it possible for you just to go and see her? If all attempts to make contact via other family members have failed, including texts, phone etc, then I'd suggest sending her a short and loving letter, simply saying that you don't know what has happened to lead to her cancelling her wedding, but that you love her and are here for her when she is ready to talk to you, that you will listen and be there as a support if she needs it. Or something similar. Or even something simpler: 'I'm here if you need to talk. What do you need right now to help you feel better?'

I hope things are clearer for you soon.

Thank you so much. I phoned the hospitals because she has had health problems while carrying my DGC but the estrangement happened while in the middle of finding out some news. Maybe it was bad news or she may have had another baby and something is wrong there? It's just guessing and speculation and my mind whirring with the what ifs.

I've just phoned my dad to tell him I am not visiting him today because of this (but I will go soon) and he has told me to try not to think about it until I know more, to put the kettle on (bless him) and put a good programme on to take my mind off it and try not to worry about it. They are grown up now but I still worry. I didin't mind in some way her being estranged if she was getting on with her life, being happy with her boyfriend and her children. It's when there is something wrong that I mind, instinct I suppose to look after.

No, I can't go to see her at the moment. I am too ill to travel myself (another reason I wouldn't have made it to a wedding today anyway) and at the moment there is a bridge on the railways being mended so it's a bus service on some of the way. I can't manage to do that and I can't afford a taxi all the way for over 60 miles. The letter or card is a good idea. I will probably follow up with that if I do not hear anything in the following few days. Only I hope that they are still in the same place because they were talking about moving too when we were in touch so don't know if this has happened yet.

My brother won't tell me anything because I had a go at him a few weeks ago for telling my mum information I told him specifically not to say so he now says he won't tell any news that has not been authorised to pass on. He told me I need to go and see her. I can't even breath going around the house. How am I suppose to travel and put myself at risk. If she was asking for me to go to her, then of course I would try my best (as I have in the past) but I am not willing to put my own health at risk to have the door slammed in my face, which could happen.

I cannot think of any way to solve this, but am sending good wishes and hope it can be resolved somehow.

I presume she wouldnt skype with you?

Can you text her? At least she would get your message right away.

In any event, she knows that you are caring for her as you have kept ringing.

Can you send her a card or brief letter asking her if all is well and please can she get in touch as you're concerned about her? Perhaps you could also say you'd love to see her but can't get over due to your present health problems. Perhaps your brother could pass on the message for you.

I do hope it resolves itself soon. It's hopefully something simple and nothing to worry about.

Ruby so sorry for your situation, please don't apologise for seeking support. There isn't an easy solution or you wouldn't need to ask for thoughts. My instinct is to make some sort of contact, but a gentle and non-pressurising one such as others have described. Do hope things resolve soon and send

soontobe No, I asked her when my first DGS was born if I could Skype her (and him) to keep up to date with what he was up to as I only got to see him then about every 3 or 4 months due to distance. I got told no, in no uncertain terms. But thank you.

I am going to give it a while before I do anything else. I have just done 7 weeks of college being off, my DS goes back on Monday and so was looking forward to some rest time and time for my head to relax a bit. I feel like I am about to explode. I've sent messages today, phoned many times and so has my son so she knows that we want to speak to her. I will give her some space now to digest, after all it must have been upsetting for her if today should have been her wedding day and for whatever reason it got cancelled. She will have that to get over. I do feel for her. But I now have to do what is right for me first and foremost.

Thank you for your comments and concern, I was just very shocked earlier, I expected everything to go ahead as planned. On day I will know why it didn't.

One day I will know why it didn't.

She knows you're there for her, that's the main thing.

Do take care ruby - you must take time for yourself and your own health issues. Your DD knows you care and that you are there for her - you can do no more just now. Sending more xx

Hope there will be a solution for your communication problems with DD and DGC.
Sometimes we have to walk away from difficult people even if they are our nearest and dearest. It takes a while to get through the distress though but sometimes in the end it is the best thing to do four our own sanity.
SPF

You are all so right and thank you for the jogginggirl they are really appreciated.

My son is back in college in about 8 hours 35 minutes ( I am not counting the minutes! lol) and so I will eventually get that let down destress feeling we all maybe know so well when someone is around us all the time and we don't have space. He hasn't been much use over the summer break and anything that he has done has taken me twenty times of asking. I'm exhausted. I may be in a hot bath by nine in the morning with a glass of wine!

I've recorded the wonderful Prime Suspect and so have that to watch over next few days. My dad is helping me pay for a gardener to come and sort out my unruly garden and that is next week. Onwards and upwards eh?

This has been going on now for over 16 years so a lot of the pain and working out what to do has been done although I do think I could cry buckets if I started, I unusually for me, feel like I am keeping a lid on it. But then my son won't have me talk about it now so it can't come out the same.

My mother is as destructive in her thinking and doing as my daughter is, lying, manipulation, cheating people out of money etc. so I stay away from her too. It is a hard one, because of course I care about her cancelling her wedding but I don't want any more hurt and I know that it will continue if I get back in contact on a regular basis. Maybe she has to heal with those around her now, be it her partner, if they haven't split up or her very close friends if they have. I do know she has a good support system so that's reassuring. At least she is not on her own, either way.

Going to watch good ol' Monty Don now before bed, relax a little, take care, all of you, thank you for being the shoulder I need. [heart emoticon]

Hope you have enjoyed a peaceful and non-interrupted day today ruby - time for you, maybe even with a and ?
Take care xx

Thank you jogginggirl, I have, apart from my feet swelling up really bad at my dad's flat. I don't know what has caused that but on research, I do use a lot of salt in my diet, so maybe that is it. I have checked this out before with my cardiologist and he assures me that it is nothing to do with my heart, it is functioning like it normally is. So I will keep them up, change my diet a bit and if no better in a day or two, go to the quack.

I hope you had a good day too. What were you up to?

Son at college today, yippee, time to ourselves (me, my doggie and my budgies) for some rubbish tv, and then sleep before cake and champers at my dad's for 30th non wedding anniversary . I showed my dad a pic of my wedding, it seems like another lifetime. Anyway, home now, in my nightie, just ordered my Lo Salt and Benecol for delivery tomorrow and nearly bed time.

Take care and thank you for your lovely message. Xxx

Hope that swelling has gone down a bit ruby

I had a busy one yesterday - a short run first thing, then DD's ironing, my own ironing, school pick-up for the 6-year-old and then back home in the pouring rain to take breath ... LOL!

Today started with another run, a keep-fit session and then housework. I'm currently in my pjs and have been for the last few hours - chilling out with my computer and a glass of coke whilst DH is out

Hope the delivery arrived and you are off on a new path in search of good health and well-being, night night xx

Have you heard anything about your DD Rubylady?
If not, how do you plan to to take it from here?

ruby I hope you're feeling a bit more rested now, look after yourself.