Abandoned

Feel that sometimes these things need airing. You certainly are not pathetic trendygran and you know you are alone with others having the same problem. It applies to sons and daughters, the hurt must be the same. It is worse when you haven't got a partner, it is a well known fact that being without family contact for long periods can cause depression. So it seems that these selfish children feel their parents are very low down in their list of priorities, it is different if they live abroad, but if they are in the uk they could surely make one day every couple of months to visit the folks that bought them up, but the fact is they don't and won't. Refuse to get involved with the sarcastic and negative postings, it is so,petty.

Why are you so desperate rosesarered to defend the Daily Mail against what I will admit was a small, very small joke at their expense. So desperate, the three of you that you do not care how you then make a real person feel.

When the distance between relatives is large, even within the UK, one day visits cannot be done. I don't think I have ever seen my parents more than two or three times a year since I was twenty-one. We didn't visit my grandparents more than a few times a year either.

Of course trendygran and others are not pathetic but people like me and my parents are not selfish and thoughtless and uncaring about our parents either, which is what the article and some posts seem to be implying.

Currently, I see my eldest daughter and her family about three times a year and that looks set to continue. I do not blame her, or her partner, one jot.

Gracesgran:, you post wasn't obviously ajoke and it appeared to be yet another dig at readers of the DM. I read the DM as it is one of rhe three papers we have delivered daily. I felt got at for the paper I read as I wasn't aware that you were joking.

I don't think it is really fair to call these (adult) children selfish Luckylegs as circumstances do make things different for all families. Including Granny is not always something they intend to forget but busy lives do make it very difficult for them.

I wonder why some of the Grannies don't say - "I'm out and about on Saturday and I thought I would pop in for a cup of tea before I go home" if they are fairly close. Is it a case of everyone being careful not to tread on anyone's toes?

I wonder at what stage the natural regular contact is lost? I really don't believe we have any greater percentage of careless children than we ever did; I bet it is much the same but in changed circumstances. If families are close surely they stay close; perhaps some of the families were not terribly close in the first place and that can be as much by the older members choosing as the younger ones.

I don't remember making digs at readers of the DM Kitty but I have often and will no doubt in the future, make jokes about the paper itself. I do not like the way they treat the public and that includes their readers. I do not think I am alone in that and I am sorry if your felt it was directed at you but that seems to be more to do with how the post was read than how it was written.

Once again I have read a post and realised how lucky I am. I was devastated when my only son said he was going to live in Poland 5 years ago. My grandson was only 2 and I admit I was jealous that his other gran would be the one to whom he would be closer to. Luckily cheap flights means I see them 5/6 times a year and facetime lets us chat 3/4 times a week.This is a lot more contact than I had with my parents and they only lived 150 miles away!

When I was a child we visited my grandmother's twice a week. They lived near each other about 1 mile apart and we lived about 10 miles away. When my dad was available we went by car which took about 1 hour through the city centre. If my dad was on shift my mum would take us by bus and my dad might arrive later to bring us back by car.
I live in my parents' old house and DD2 lives nearer to where my grandmothers' houses were. I got her driving lessons and a car. Even I can make the journey between my house and hers in 25 minutes by motorway and I am no speeder. She does not see my twice a week.
I lived 300 miles away but came back when parents got ill(er). My DDs don't show any concern when I am ill.
I think people are too lazy nowadays. They prefer to be entertained by TV and internet rather than go to meet up with relatives.
I know that it is more difficult when the grandparent is a lone person rather than a couple but I wonder why it is that grandparents are resigned to sitting at home waiting for the DC to contact or visit them. Why not turn the tables and do the things you always wished you could but could not because of the family commitments of children and our own parents. I am sick of waiting to see if it suits my DC to include me in something. As soon as I get my health under more control and I regain my courage to go out and drive distances rather than just round about I intend to do what I want because sitting waiting for an invitation (or a demand). Within our own abilities I think it is owed to ourselves to realise that we are not slaves to whenever the DC chose to contact/visit us.
SPF

Good for you sugarpuff!

I think it's when they have children of their own that they leave their mums and dads behind emotionally. Maybe that's just the natural way of things, but it feels sad when it happens.

I think my elder DD had forgotten my birthday this year until a couple of days before when someone else mentioned it to her.

We are lucky that DD1 lives next door so we see the two DGSs every day but I do wish that DD2 and DS lived nearer than three hours away (in opposite directions) so we could see more of them and their children. Two hours is day trip distance but three hours is pushing it especially when the dratted M25 is involved.

They are all doing well. The DGCs are growing into lovely young adults so we can't complain and I don't exactly feel abandoned but .......

Nothing to do with mentioning the DM GG - you obviously missed the allusion, again <---- that's a wink (actually it was nearly a wunk, but I spotted it just in time)

I'm guessing we will lose a fair bit of contact in about 2022 when the youngest goes to secondary school as by then they will probably be old enough to take themselves to school, and home too.

Probably glad to see less of them when the are stroppy teenagers.

hopefully not stroppy with us Grandparents though.

I don't read the Daily Mail as one newspaper in the house is enough recycling for me so I occasionally look to see what is posted about it but each to their own. I like the Times but I don't care if anyone else does or doesn't .the daily mail gets quoted more than others so it's editor must be getting something right.

I used to like The Times. Before the sodding paywall!

The Times is one of our other papers Stansgran. I don't care either what people think of our choice of papers but I do get fed up of the sneering that goes on around the DM and it's readers!

I shall have to start buying a real paper soon, for firelighting, now the local free rag has gone online only.

Well said SPF I too am sick of waiting around to be included. My DH says 'it's not going to happen, get on with your life'. So I am

Thank you KatyK. I have been stuck in all weekend because of some hurtful comment made by my daughter. She made a nasty comment about "your stupid stomach". It is a life long auto immune disease for which there is no cure. It is also hereditary so she could be in my shoes at some point! I wonder if it is even legal to speak to someone like that Disability Laws etc.
I will buck myself up soon and get myself a life. I don't want to wait for the younger generation to learn a decent way of talking to people. I have an appointment to view a property this week. I have not yet told anyone other than GNs.
It is hard on my own but I will make changes.
SPF

I used to make time to see my mother at least once a month, even though it was hard to fit it in. It was an hour's drive away. She was perfectly capable of driving that drive to see me, but never did, so you can imagine how hurt I was when I discovered that she had been coming up to my town almost every week to hear opera, but had never once told me that she was in the same town and could have popped in to see me before a show.

She wouldn't speak to DBH for two years when he took a job further away, rather than the one closer to her. Yet she was the one who moved further away in the first place.

However, the biggest drawback is, all my sisters and brothers-and-sister-in-laws agree, is lack of space to stay in. When you live four hours and more from your DPs/aged rellies and they have nowhere for you to sleep it becomes too expensive to visit them. It's even worse when they live somewhere that is both horrific to drive to, or has no public transport system to speak of.

I have tried to bring this up time and again on this board. Why do parents move so far away from their families, then complain that no-one visits them? MiL and FiL moved up to north of Newcastle last year, yet we all live in the south. They have no room to put us up yet are already complaining that no-one seems to want to visit them! A six hour drive doesn't seem to have factored into their thought processes. Heaven knows I tried to put them off, but they ignored me. We have no wish to spend all of DBH's precious holiday time either in Eastbourne or Newcastle, yet we know that that is what will have to happen, and in my mother's case, is already happening, since she broke her back. It's really hard to get to spend that week every summer with her, to try to rent a cottage nearby, but it's not enough and we know it. However we can't afford to do it for longer, it's so expensive in the school holiday times but we are tied to them, as DBH is a teacher.

Two 'is' s, one after either side of brackets - sorry, pedants!

My grandsons no longer come to stay during half-term hols. Their dad likes to take them somewhere outdoor-ish for the week.

So I am hopping on a plane to Barcelona with teacher DD. Suits me.

Not brackets... I give in, my brain obviously isn't in gear today but I feel very angry when all offspring are lumped together like that.