Advice wanted

Sorry to hear this Jenny have you tried contacting Gamblers Anonymous? I know it's not you with the problem, but they might be able to offer some advice.

Good luck.

Hi Phoenix I have looked on their website for advice and also on the Gamcare website. I think if he does admit that he is gambling to excess then I will definitely see if I can get him to contact either Gamblers Anonymous or Gamcare, but I'm not sure he will. In the past he has said that he can sort it out himself which he has done to an extent, but I am concerned that it has spiraled out of control.

Good idea phoenix - I am sure that they will be able to advise.

You have not failed as a mother - our offspring make their own choices in life - we can advise and support, but they are adults with their own free will. Not that this stops us worrying about them.

I know you are right Luckygirl, my head tells me that I am not at fault, but my heart tells me otherwise. As a mother you just want to make everything right, but once they become adults it is not always possible. It was so much easier when they were toddlers and a magic kiss made everything okay.I just want to make sure that I do everything I can to help him.

That is all you can do - you cannot make him do anything.

There are things that my children do that make me ask why - was it me? Should they have gone to a different school? What influences might I have kept from them? etc. But I know that they are their own people and have to remember that at heart they are good people, even though I do not always agree with their decisions.

Try not to blame yourself and use that energy to find out all you can that will be of constructive help.

Jennywren1 I think GA and Gamecare either run or can direct you to support groups for the families of people addicted to gambling. They will be able to offer you the support you very much need at a time like this.

Maybe some tough love could be in order (I'm only guessing of course).
Such as telling him that he has to get sorted out and that you have no sympathy for him if he won't look for help as he clearly can't cope with it on his own.

I hope you can find some support for yourself, at any rate, as already mentioned.

Jenny this page lists GamAnon for help for the families of gamblers:

www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/addiction/Pages/gamblingaddiction.aspx

The onky NHS gambling treatment service in the UK is in London but takes referrals from all over the country:

www.cnwl.nhs.uk/cnwl-national-problem-gambling-clinic/

They may be able to help you with advice.

Don't let your son's denial that he has a problem muddy the waters. Denial is just another symptom of addiction, so if he tells you he will deal with it or its not that bad, don't let him minimise the problem and prevent you from being honest with him that you (and probably others in the family) know that he has a compulsion to gamble.

and best of luck. It's not your fault.