I Sometimes Feel So Left Out

That reminds me of my sister harrigran who, having organised and directed her two childrens' lives , is now attempting to do the same to my DD.
She wants her children (in their late teens/early twenties) to do what she wants and now seems to think she can order my DD about!
Really weird and she's definitely not going to achieve anything other than my DD refusing to have anything to do with her

Very strange behaviour.

I have a sister who tells me what my DD is doing, where she is going on her next work trip and when and where she is going on holiday. I casually mentioned the other day that it must be nearly time for her conference in New Orleans, back came the reply " she flies out at the weekend " I shrug my shoulders, she clearly doesn't have enough in her own life if she has to participate in the life of my DD.

I feel for you and have read all the comments ,my mother has left me out most of my life from events and still does so .Preferring my brother .I do find it hard yet also have recognised that some of my personality may have clashed with hers .So I am more distant which is for me self protective .I do feel left out so I totally get where you are coming from not wishing to interfere with others relationships with her also .

That's what I thought, too, gillybob....

None of what you say icbn would offend me in the slightest to be honest - my mother sometimes knows things about my children that I don't, and it comes up in conversation that X is going to Y, or that Z is planning to do something etc etc.

I am in touch with my children all the time, without knowing everything about their activities and plans, and I don't expect to know it.

I don't get even momentarily disconcerted if my mother fills me in with the news

You are upset, and it might be worth asking yourself why?

Hope you feel better about it soon.

You must be a saint Luckygirl . If I went off on holiday (or even a bloomin' day trip for that matter) without telling my mum there would be a full blown Enquiry !

I vowed never to make my DD, DS and DDiL EVER feel as restricted as I have always been made to feel. Having to account for my every move. Having said that there is no way they would go off on holiday without telling me anyway as I do part of their childcare.

I wonder if it is YOUR mum who is trying to cause a little bit of trouble icbn2802? By thinking that she is telling you something that you don't know she is in a position of power.

Could the things your mother said about your daughter going out with the baby and her ex be something sensitive? I mean, is it a subject which your daughter might have found difficult or awkward to bring up with you? If not I wonder whether your mother is trying to show you how important a confidante she is to your daughter, how significant in her life.
Maybe there's some reason that her grandmother is especially close to that daughter, is she your oldest?
When my daughter was 21 a mutual friend smugly mentioned having been at 'her party' to me. I was hurt not to have known about it until I realised it was just a get together for her friends in the college bar and the person telling me happened to be in the city that day. She was trying to show me how close and important she was to my daughter and had no family of her own.

And what do your other daughters say about your mum being so in awe of just one of them?

Why is your mum always at your house when your daughter comes to visit you?

They will pass - and so they should! Kiss them goodbye, as no good will come from harbouring these resentments.

Last week I rang my DD only to find she was not there - I found out through another family member that she was on holiday and I had not known about it. I felt a momentary blip - why had she not told me?; then got my brain into gear and realised she probably was busy and it slipped her mind - I cannot always remember what I have said to whom. So when she came back I did not say "Why didn't you tell me?" - no, I just dived in to asking her how it went and expressing my happiness that they had all had a good time.

She will not want to feel that you are "policing" what she says to whom and when - that will definitely get up her nose!

I am sure you know all this and feel better for having got it off your chest - sometimes we need to do that in order to bash on in the right direction, which I am sure you will.

How lovely to be a grandma at 45 and fit enough to enjoy them!

Thanks for your messages. I realise I am maybe blowing things out of proportion a little. I know I am very lucky and should be grateful for all that I do have in my life and I am, extremely. But I just want something, a little bit of it for myself. I'm an only child in a one parent family so mum's been there and heavily involved in my whole life. But I don't think there's ever an occasion when my daughter's visiting me, that my mum's not present as well. I have to arrange to visit my daughter in her home or in town just to get a bit of time with her. It does seem like mum has my daughter on a bit of a pedestal and I just think it's a bit wrong, I have one grandson but five daughters, and I feel sometimes that the others don't get a look in where mum;s concerned.
I know these feelings will pass, I've felt them before, when I first became a grandparent and they subsided but for some reason today, they've just flared up again.

Yes, no doubt about it, you're a young 'gran'. When something upsets and/or bothers us it's important to be able to get it of our chests. I wonder if your daughter is telling your mum things that she thinks she's already told you.

I know over the years my mum's been upset with me because she thinks I haven't told her something that I've been convinced I have. It would be a terrible shame if you were to allow the relationship your daughter has with your mum to come between the relationship you have with her and your grand son.

"I see him regularly and feel very involved and appreciated when I'm frequently asked to help". Please don't allow anything to change what you're so fortunate to have. My first born GC will be 4 in January and I haven't had contact with him since he was 8 months old. My second is due at Christmas and I'll never have contact with him either, even though my son their father lives just 15 doors away.

I'm not telling you this to trivialise your hurt feelings but because nothings ever perfect. You have so much to enjoy and so much more to look forward too. I hope getting it off your chest has helped and will enable you to simply enjoy your relationships with your daughter, grandson and your mum.

I meant to say 'to cut HER out'. (where is an EDIT button when you need it)

I think its lovely your daughter has such a nice relationship with her Grandmother. I know in the past my grown up grandchildren who I have a lovely relationship with have had chats with me about things they haven't mentioned to their Mum and she has said 'I didn't know that', its not done deliberately or in any way to cut me out its just life and during family conversations things get chatted about that may be not mentioned in another conversation.
I really think you are reading something into this that just isn't there..