gay/lesbions

ladybird What do you mean "deal with"? I don't understand.

I have had a gay bil and the only thing I found hard to deal with was the pil and the exh who tried to make out that he was totally straight. Various members of my family met him and just accepted that this was a friendly chatty person, who sometimes acted like a spoilt child and had opinions on all sorts. No-one on my side of the family had ever met someone like this but with good manners they just accepted the person in front of them as being human, good and bad sides to his character just like all the rest of us. He was accepted as was/is. His parents were looked at as strange that they could not (would not) see what all the rest of us could see.
He was better company than the "straight" brother that I married.
SPF

I was not suggesting that religion was behind ladybird's op, simply wondering, in view of a comment on another thread, if that was a factor in her apparent worrying.
I agree with you about religious prejudices but don't particularly want to revisit the arguments which appeared a year or so ago in that context.

It is all too easy to blame people's religious beliefs for their negative reactions to gay people. My parents and my aunt and husband were all born before WW1 and were devout catholics. Yet they had friends and neighbours who were gay and they knew it, but it had no effect whatsoever on their friendship with them. My very devout catholic aunt and uncle were particularly close to their gay neighbours, and after my aunt died the neighbours kept a close eye on my uncle and always contacted me whenever they had concerns for his welfare.

Many people like to cover their prejudices with the cloak of religious belief as a way of pretending that these prejudices are justifiable.

I live in central Scotland which is neither a trendy middle class area, nor is it a haven for those who can't accept the significant proportion of the population who are gay. I just don't see this as a class issue.
If we knew more about ladybird's concerns / worries / fears or experiences we might have something useful to offer.
I really don't see that anyone gave a hostile or unfriendly reply.

I think if ladybird is experiencing prejudice from within a community she belongs to, she could simply show them the replies she has had on here, another community of sorts. They would then see that not everyone thinks the same way as they do and, who knows, some of them might even begin to change their attitude.

Good luck anyway, ladybird.

It could be that ladybird is experiencing prejudice from her religious community- and again, asking for help on how to deal with this would be very valid. My father's favourite sister commited suicide, as a good Catholic, when she realised she could not be 'cured'. And even today, 1 niece, also a very sincere Catholic, has chosen celibacy- in order to stay true to the teachings of her religion. Tragic and sad. One nephew had to emigrate to Canada to flee the prejudice of his rural village and his Catholic family and community.

Not suggesting that at all mcem just stating that there is still a lot of prejudice from certain people. I don't want to sound class conscious but it is a fact that there are some very unenlightened people in society today.just think back to a Paediatrician being attacked for being a peadophile by very ignorant people. Perhaps you live in a different area to me.

annsixty sorry but I find your post a bit puzzling. Surely you aren't suggesting that a gay person will only be accepted by middleclass friends and family?.
If that's how you feel, I can assure you that my girls have simply not found that to be true.
I genuinely feel that ladybird might find some of our experiences helpful, but going by one of her posts on another thread, I wonder if there might be reservations on religious grounds.
Surely to see overwhelming support and assurances that this 'situation' can indeed be 'dealt with' is what ladybird was seeking in her op.
As I said before I'd be interested to know if she has further questions or feels she needs to answer our comments.

Ladybird is quite right to be concerned. In spite of all the liberated people on here general feeling toward gay/ lesbian people is ignorant and biased. Parents and GP's worry about the reaction to their children and the loss of GC and the perception that their offspring are not normal. Let us not forget our enlightened and middle class views are not the norm for a large % of the population.

Exactly. Could be that Ladybird is concerned about attitudes at work or in their locality, from other members of the family, etc. Pretending that gays and lesbians do not still face prejudice, especially in rural areas and in some very religious families, etc, is not helpful.

The poster has 'cover' already, namely anonymity. I don't think the replies are aggressive. They are just straightforward and honest.

ladybird9, I really don't think you should feel the need to "deal with" a gay/lesbian child or grandchild. All you need to do is carry on accepting them as they are. Presumably you have done this for years already? Just carry on. This is said with kindness in my heart, truly.

I agree that the tone of the replies may have been enough for ladybird to have run for cover and feel unwelcome. We cannot help our gut reactions. What is a problem to one person may not be a problem to someone else. However we owe it to all posters to be caring, patient and understanding surely.

Why do you ask the question? Are in a position where you feel you need to deal with it? Do you see it as a problem, if so, why?

There's nothing to deal with. The gay/lesbian child/grandchild is still just that, your child or grandchild. Their sexual orientation is part of who they are. That's all there is to it.

Agree with all the replies. But I do think you are being harsh on the OP who is a newbie here. Some of us on Gransnet are perhaps a bit younger, and have all sorts of opportunities and experiences in our lives- that some may not have had the chance to. Biting her head off doesn't seem very helpful really.

Ladybird- mcem is right- maybe you could give us a bit more info as to what the real issues are for you now and how other GNeters can help.

Hi ladybird and welcome to the forum
The truth is, we are all different, and not everybody can accept the (maybe
New to you) revelation that your son/ daughter or grandchildren have announced that they are gay.It's still fairly recent for it to be fully accepted within society, and some do have reservations and worries about how it will work out with the family.As. Others say, they are still the same people they always were, and the thing to be is accepting no matter how you may feel initially about it.

Dare I suggest that what needs to be dealt with is your own reaction? If it is the first time you have had contact with gay/lesbian people, it is understandable that you have done a double-take at first, but if you think about it, all you need do is treat them as you always have.

Well ladybird in the last couple of hours you've had several answers to your op and each one is positive and accepting of gay/lesbian relatives.
Over to you to tell us where you want to take this thread next.
Any more questions/comments?

I'm mum to a happily married lesbian, sister to a gay man, aunt of a gay nephew and niece to two gay uncles. I'm also mum to two non lesbian daughters, sister to a straight brother, aunt to a happily married heterosexual niece. I love them all the same......and they all love me the same. I'm puzzled as to what there could possibly to to 'deal with'?

Yep, eldest granddaughter. Don't have to deal with it, she's still the same person I have always loved.

Deal with ???
Should it happen it's no problem.

Yes. DD2 and ( not surprisingly) her wife.
What needs dealt with?

I'm with nina; what's the problem? I have a neice who is in a lesbian relationship. It has never been an issue. People are what they are.

Ignore last post it was right to start with. Stuff no my mind.