gay/lesbions

I remember the day my brother told me he was gay, it was 33 years ago, I was 21 and he was 24; I cried and have never quite forgiven myself.

I cried because I love him dearly and feared for the prejudice I thought he might encounter, which he has. Sadly there are not as many reasoned, intelligent and un prejudiced people in this world that we'd like to think.

I didn't 'deal' with it at all well in that moment that he told me, I had no idea and because we were and remain so close I suppose I felt as if I should have known.

Perhaps you've only just 'found out' and it's perfectly understandable that you may have been initially taken aback but I think the fact that you posted on here demonstrates your desire to 'deal with it' in the right way.

Whether this person is your child or grandchild, just remember they're the same person they were 60 seconds before you knew they were gay; you loved them then and love them now.

Hi ladybird! Welcome! I'm fairly new here, myself. I think you need to clarify what it is you feel you need to "deal" with? Is it other people's prejudices, as some have suggested? Is it questions from a gay/lesbian GC? Is it your own feelings of shock, disbelief or disappointment?

Don't get me wrong, everybody. I don't think she "should" feel those things. If it were me, I would love and treat the child, just the same. But none of us can control what we feel.

But, of course, we don't know what ladybird is concerned about because she hasn't come back in to tell us.

Ladybird, I really hope you get back to us soon.

My DS is gay, I have never had to 'deal' with it, he is the same person he always was. It's my belief that you find love in many forms and should be grateful for it however it manifests itself, there is a world of trouble out there and love is precious. I also believe that what goes on between consenting adults is nobodies business but their own!

Being homosexual is not a 'problem' for RC and other denominations- but being a practising homosexual. I've discussed this often with my sincerely Catholic niece- who has chosen celibacy due to the rulings of her Church. I find it very sad, but I truly respect her. She has decided that either she is a Catholic and follows the Bible and the teachings and rulings, or she is not.

My nephew on the other hand emigrated to Canada, as he didn't want to upset his parents and community and be rejected. He is no longer religious and very happy with his much older partner.

Gransneters foud it weird that I wouldn't get married in Church, or be a Godmother, with my fingers crossed behind my back, because I am not a believer. Fair enough. My Christian friends and family appreciate that I respect their faith and do not 'pretend when it suits me'. Each to their own.

Reactions can be very sad.
I had a friend whose dd is bisexual, when she told her parents they told her they never wanted to see her again and their other daughter has not seen her since and refuses her any contact with the two nieces.

Now an ex-friend because I was so shocked.

And yet I am sue that I have read that it is believed that St Paul was himself homosexual.
Perhaps denying that part of himself vehemently.

I can understand if Ladybird has gone away. I don't know how old she is, but she may find it difficult to accept if a beloved grandchild has told her he/she is gay if she is a much older granny.
However tolerant and accepting many people are nowadays, there are always some who will not be. And an older person may find it difficult 'to deal with' particularly if, say, young DGC is coming with a partner to stay for Christmas.
Ladybird, don't be put off by some of the holier-than-thou people you may meet, or by people who are prejudiced. They are your beloved family and you will love them just the same and 'deal with it' as you would with any other loved family member and their partner.

Ladybird- tell us what prompted you make this post. Otherwise people might make assumptions that are way off the mark.

From Catholic.com:

Confirming this fact is the New Testament’s forceful rejection of homosexual behavior as well. In Romans 1, Paul attributes the homosexual desires of some to a refusal to acknowledge and worship God. He says, "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a base mind and to improper conduct. . . . Though they know God’s decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them" (Rom. 1:26–28, 32).

Elsewhere Paul again warns that homosexual behavior is one of the sins that will deprive one of heaven: "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor. 6:9–10, NIV).

All of Scripture teaches the unacceptability of homosexual behavior. But the rejection of this behavior is not an arbitrary prohibition. It, like other moral imperatives, is rooted in natural law—the design that God has built into human nature.

Christianity is based on the new testament not the old, unless St Paul had a say on the subject, I am not sure homosexuality is even mentioned in the new testament.

I am, and have always been free to do as I think right. You do not have to 'believe in the scriptures' to be a Christian. At the end of the day the scriptures are more the writings of individual writers within their time than God-given documents, they often conflict.Even religions like Islam, who do believe their sacred scriptures are God given do not always agree on their interpretation.

It can't be easy as a Catholic, as the RC Church is still very much relying on the Bible- and if one is Christian, I don't really see how it can be avoided. The texts are quite clear- being gay is accepted, but not being sexually active if one is.

Now I have no religion at all- so for me, I have no problem with accepting gays totally on par. But if one believes in the Scriptures- it must be difficult. As soon as said before, if you begin to pick and choose what you want out of the Bible- then it becomes very difficult, surely. Either you do, or you don't. I am glad I don't as it frees me to do as I think is right.

Ladybird,Here's an answer from one who's never run with the crowd.I think it would be perfectly natural to be affected in some way if your child turned out to be gay.I know I would.But,at the end of the day,it is still your child,it isn't a big deal today.In time you will get used to it.After all,what's the alternative. I wouldn't have thought many people would bat an eyelid today.

Well, I spoke up and I am a catholic. Personally, I do not know anyone with religious convictions who feels uncomfortable if people are gay/lesbian. I would say that the majority of main stream christians, regardless of denomination have exactly the same attitude as the majority of the population. Certainly some of fundamentalist and evangelistic groups express homophobic views, but they are not the majority. Similarly many African people have problems accepting homosexuality, but that is more cultural than religious, - as I said covering themselves with the cloak of religion to justify unjustifiable views.

Exactly- I know many people who are Christians who have no problem with gays and lesbians- but they are still in the minority. The Bible seems quite clear on this- being gay is not a problem, but being sexually active as a gay person, is. Which is why my niece has chosen celibacy, and in the 40s, my aunt suicide. Which ironically would also condemn her to damnation- so she might as well have gotten with her life and enjoyed it ..

Such a shame- but that is the way it is.

Have you noticed that those who do regularly talk about their strong faith- have been so far silent on this thread?

It could be that ladybird9 might be in a family or reigious culture where being gay is considered to be a real problem.

This could potentially lead to her and the gay person being ostracised by all family and friends.

It is not always quite as simple as it sounds to just say accept it.

ladybird9, you don't need to do anything different to how you would deal with heterosexuals. A person's sexuality is no one's business but their own.
When a very much loved Niece "came out" I was very upset.
Not for myself, but for my Niece, she had struggled with her feelings and identity and was terrified at how family and friends would react.

Thankfully, everyone reacted in the perfect way.

Personally, I believe that present day society is wrong. Gays/lesbians and whatever have been born since time began, so, to me they are normal.

Real love, is unconditional.

Well done ladybird9 for having the courage to post in the first place. I believe you did the right thing in asking for help and advice.

I would worry for any harassment they might endure but that would be minimal these days compared with years ago. It would not bother me.

I was listening to Sandi Toksvig on Desert Island discs last week and she had at one time been told by various media producers that she should not reveal her "status".

Fortunately now so many "celebrities" have had the courage to come out in public that many more people are accepting this as not a problem.

Although I am sure deep seated and nasty prejudice still goes on.

In a way I can understand ladybird's question - similar to a white girl wanting to marry a black man, as our daughter did at one time. Going against the previously accepted norms.
I supported her choice, he was a nice enough man, but privately was worried about the feelings of mixed race children (others on here will no doubt disagree.)
Strangely enough his family was stongly opposed to them marrying, prejudice exists everywhere.

I think that the idea that a person is taught to think one way all their life and then within a very short space of time they are expected to throw that out of the window and believe the complete opposite. Yes, if we are well informed, well read and educated we are sceptical and adaptable. However, what about those brought up in very strict homes where dissent is not tolerated? I feel every sympathy for them as they struggle to adapt their views. I imagine that the unthinkingly liberal of outlook are going to be disobliged themselves one day as their capricious beliefs are bound to be challenged and sneered at even as they sneer at others.

I remember a friend smugly pointing out that my children would inevitably challenge my views as they grew up. I was completely OK with that as I have brought them up to be independently minded, to read voraciously, to be well informed and to be able to evaluate and distinguish between fact and opinion and to be logical, empirical and sceptical. What do I care what they think as long as they are rational? So, to be mischievous, I turned the idea round on her to reveal to her own prejudices. I said, 'Yes, it happens to everyone. I imagine your children will be standing as candidates for the Conservative party when they grow up.' Well. The woman literally turned green as she had never considered this angle. Hilarious.

And, no, I have no issues with either gay or not gay. But I know that everyone of my generation will have a context for their beliefs as public opinion and the law were very, very different before the eighties.

Maybe Ladybird is aware that her views or feelings are out of step with the more liberal views expressed here, and that's what she is asking for help in dealing with. If so, I applaud her - she may have grown up with homophobic views but wanting now to reassess faced with someone she loves coming out as gay. Sadly it looks as though the very right-on sisters on Gransnet have scared her away. Shame.

I agree with most of above - we are so modern and enlightened aren't we?
However can I just remind everyone that the laws we base our views on are relatively new.
Gay relationships were legalised in 1967 - I was 14 by then,
it was 1980 in Scotland and 1982 in Northern Ireland.
Real protection for all only came in 2010 and marriage in 2014
There are some countries where gay relationships are not legal and if we believe what we read gay men are thrown off buildings by ISIS in 2015
Of course most of us support this legislation and find that many of our family members can now live happy fulfilling lives openly but let's not pretend that it was ever thus and the original question is in some way unacceptable.

Deal with it?? My twin grandson came out age 20, but it was no surprise to anyone - my DD used to say he was the daughter she never had

I have a gay grandson who is Russian and lives in Russia and I am always very worried about him with the Russian attitude towards gays. He is 18 years of age and attends a University in Russia. His mother was killed in a car crash when he was 18 months old and he has lived with his grandparents ever since. My son, his father, lives in Warsaw with his wife and family and was persuaded to give custody of Anton to his grandparents as at the time he was travelling a lot in his job. Anton was accepted at a few universities in this country but none of us could afford the funding. I continually worry about him as he is very outspoken in what he believes and I am always dreading hearing that he has been attacked or even worse, but I can't do anything about it. At least he is on Facebook so I can keep contact with him.

Well said MOnica. Prejudice is exactly that, no matter what kind of religion/politics/other issue it's dressed up or disguised in.

My youngest daughter is gay. I knew before she told me. It is of no consequence at all she is my wonderful daughter her sexual orientation is an essential part of her and I love her to bits.i treat her partner like another daughter and love her as well.

Part of my counselling work is with adolescents and one of the issues sometimes brought is how to help a young person "come out" to their peers. There is prejudice out there but young people will often taunt anything which is seen as "different " from the crowd but there is huge support out there now. Stonewall is an excellent organisation for information for anyone and FFLAG is for friends and family of Lesbian and Gay young people

Surely someone's sexuality is just one part of who they are and there are many other parts that make them who they are. Yes, of course, there are still ignorant and unkind, even violent people who deeply disapprove of those who don't conform to their idea of the norm. Absentdaughter is heterosexual, so we have that in common, and my grandchildren are still young enough not yet to have explored their sexuality. The oldest is a newly teenage boy and I am sure his hormones are beginning to surge. Whatever his – or the others when puberty happens – I don't think it's really an issue for me. Do heterosexual grandchildren discuss their sexuality with their grandmothers? I don't think so and probably assume that we have no idea about sex as the young people still have to invent it. I am not relevant although I am always open to any sort of discussion that they might want if they are confused or unhappy. They are my grandchildren; I love them.