xmas and granparents

I live in the Granny flat in DDs' house, SIL works until about 11.00pm on Christmas eve so DD and DGS come down here on Christmas morning when DGS opens his presssies here, let SIL get some sleep, then they spend a quiet afternoon as a family. SIL works long hours and December is the worst month of the year.
I either go to friends for the rest of the day or have friends here for dinner.
It suits us all and I get to spend time with DD and DGS.

I stopped going to visit my Mother and in-laws years ago as it did not matter how we arranged it someone was not happy. If they wanted to see the children at Christmas they could come to us.

Daughter is going out on boxing day not relaxing. Just saying.
I would have the little one on the Sunday or offer to take little one on Boxing Day to sleep over and let mum and dad have some time to themselves. Or invite them for lunch mid week.

Christmas day and Boxing day are a big ask. Many parents don't get to see their children on just the one day. If your daughter is pregnant she will be nauseous and exhausted. The poor girl would probably like to spend Boxing day in bed! Why don't you and your OH have a lovely day together,go out for a meal or invite some special friends round? You'll see lots of your daughter and her family in the year and, especially, when she has had the baby.

I agree with kitty there, I do not know what you are complaining about. You have a daughter who lives a few miles away, and whom you see regularly, likewise the grandchild. If I was you, I would enjoy my Boxing Day in my own company - we do that Christmas Day, because we think that is the day the family need to spend together AT HOME.

It sounds as though you see more of your DGS the rest of the year so why shouldn't the other grandparents have some extra time at Christmas. Lots of people on here would give their eye teeth to even see their DGC never mind making a fuss about Boxing Day. Try not to be jealous but try to be generous.

Popping in for five minutes is not five minutes. It's getting one child kitted out with spare toys nappies,strapping in car seat, setting off, un strapping ,getting out shepherding in ,being offered a cup of tea, deflecting small child from settling down to play ,getting back to the car, strapping in again. Pregnant and heaving a child into a car. Hmmm. Think of your DD . Walk in her shoes on the day.

I agree with your daughter. She is entertaining the family on Christmas Day. The other GP want to get their children and grandchildren together on Boxing Day. Why you do you feel the need to see them that day as well? You said you see them lots the rest of the year. Have a lovely rest, watch a good film, invite the neighbours round for a drink, go out for lunch, treat yourself! Sounds good to me.

I think you are being a little unreasonable. You are seeing your daughter and grandchild on Christmas Day - try and enjoy that day and concentrate on what you have rather than on what you don't have.

I'm an only child. My parents always came to us over Christmas - sometimes for over a week. It was very tiring, especially as we were both working. It caused arguments with my husband and I really should have had the guts from the word go to diplomatically discourage this rigid routine every year. My mum is 95 and, of course, now that dad is gone she comes to us every year and usually stays for around 2 weeks. Again, it is quite tiring but I know she looks forward to it. It would have been nice, though, in the earlier years if we could have spent more of our Christmases partly on our own and relaxed a bit more.

Don't create a situation where your daughter feels she must do what you want to keep the peace as this can cause resentment and family friction.

I just would have liked to see our grandson on the way to their other grandparents even for 5 mins , as we all live in a 2 mile radius. Is that asking too much?

I am afraid it is.

This is not meant unkindly, but given that you are seeing him on Christmas Day, I am afraid the answer to your question is "Yes".

You are not being pushed out, but are putting your DD in an impossible position. Let them go to the other GPS, you say already that you see more of your DGS than they do, as things stand, you are beginning to sound possessive.
I am unclear as to how you have this problem "every Christmas" when you also say your DD and partner always "came to you as they were away at Christmas until they retired".
Be that as it may, if this is going to be a problem in the future you may have to get used to turn and turn about on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

As your daughter is expecting why not offer to give your daughter and her DH some couple time and offer to look after your DC for the day, that way you will get sometime with your DC and get to play toys, feed the ducks or watch some films together.

Of course you help them loads. But you could have a lovely day on Boxing Day just concentrating on yourselves and having a bit of peace and quiet. (Save the best choccie biscuits specially)

Thank you
We could do that, I do look after my daughter and grandson throughout .the year he stays over .We look after him sometimes 2 days a week and have taken him on holiday to give them a break.So I do help in allsorts of ways. I am at the moment making curatins for his new bedroom.
Please do not think I don't help I do

No point in having them pop in for five minutes on their way to the other lot. Enjoy the day by yourselves.

What about the Sunday? The day after Boxind Day? Can't you invite your DD to yours for that day, so as she has a chance to be waited on? Xmas doesn't end on Boxing Day.

You and your DH could go out for a pub lunch on Boxing Day.

Sounds alright to me.

On Boxing Day she is going to her inlaws who ha seenthem on Xmas day. I just wanted to see them for 5 mins at least on their way which is 10 mins away

Thany you for all your comments.
I would just add my daughter and partner have 2 weeks off at xmas. I just would have liked to see our grandson on the way to their other grandparents even for 5 mins , as we all live in a 2 mile radius. Is that asking too much

Oh dear, I am supposed to restrict myself to nice comments, but I think you have summed it up when you say ^ the problem is that we are being left out of the loop on Boxing Day^
Who is important here?
It is not unreasonable for the other GP s to want their family together on Boxing Day but you seem to see it as tactless of them to lay claim to a "second day" especially with your DGS but you do not have to claim an equal "ration" of time. That way madness , well certainly unhappiness lies.
If you really want to see your DGS you could offer to have him for a sleepover or to babysit to give his parents a break. So by offering something unsefishly, everybody gains.
Do not fall into the trap of "equal shares" , your DD, SIL and DGS are not a commodity but a family in their own right. If you are too possessive, you risk driving a wedge between you and them.

If I'd had family (including my children and grandchildren) on Christmas day, I'd be quite relieved to have Boxing Day without any visitors. I truly think far too much fuss is made of one or two days when people see their families at other times throughout the year.

So I agree with your daughter when she says she doesn't see what the the problem is.

There are often posts on GN about competition between sets of grandparents. I don't understand that, because (a) people raising children need all the help and understanding they can get so I'm only too happy for my children when the other set of.grandparents do "more" for them and (b) I kinda need "me time". So I can't imagine putting myself out to compete (and by doing so, put my child in the middle).

Sorry if that sounds blunt, but that's my view.

Its not like you aren't all spending Christmas Day together perhaps she feels that she already sees you more than the in-laws throughout the year so is giving them some extra visits at Christmas for her husbands sake I can understand them not wanting to traipse around as she has a small child and is pregnant. You say this is a problem every year how so? Does everyone feel its a problem or is it just you? what does your husband think?

I don't think you are being very fair to your daughter and are making her feel guilty for just wanting a restful day after having everybody on Christmas Day. Don't make it a contest just be thankful for the time they are giving you.

We do not own our DC or their children. I wanted to live my own life when married and with a family. As my mother was on her own she was always invited but it was on my terms so she could choose to be included or not. I will say say she always chose to be included but it was her choice.

I think you're asking too much of your daughter tbh and thinking about what YOU want and not her.
She's 3 months pregnant which means nausea, sickness and feeling like crap. Whilst hosting Christmas day and already having DC1.
She's got a busy day!
Let her relax on boxing day. It's HER Christmas too.

Agree with jane. A friend/colleague of mine had a massive argument with a mother a few years back when she suggested having part of Christmas day just them and children on their own. Busy couples have so little time togehter- it's good for them to be just them and chill. Don't let it spoil your Christmas - or your relationship.

the problem is that we are left out of the loop on Boxing Day as they will be going to see his grandparents again-2 days running.Is it unfair to ask them to pop in to say hello, it is 2 miles out of there way

I think if your DD has been entertaining you and the other grandparents on Christmas Day she is being quite reasonable to want some time on Boxing Day to herself.
If I have understood your post correctly, the problem seems to be that the other g/parents haven't invited you for Boxing Day - that's not your daughter's fault, is it?
Can't you see your daughter at some other time over the Christmas period?