If I hear one more time how fantastic his son Is doing.....

Hello Ladytina I enjoy witty retorts, but your problem deserves a serious reply really. I understand how you feel, but think you should grin and bear it, as perhaps your husband is proud of how his son has turned out , ie, doing well in his job, and providing for his family, when before he seemed to be causing trouble right left and centre?Try and let it just wash over you.

Just a quick note because I have to go soon. But I agree with rosearered. If you can't resist saying something, you might bring up something good about one of his other kids or yours, but better to let it go, altogether, I think.

ladytina42 - not a word! If you can't be positive then don't be negative or it will come back and bite you. Positivity about all the children is best and do include the middle stepson however hard it is and be assured it will get easier.
I can imagine that there is a huge amount of relief to your DH that he can now say something good about a young man who has caused such havoc and now he has something tangible to point to in the blossoming career and big house. This is not about the young man at all it is about how your DH sees himself as a father and indicates that your reassurance is needed on that score. Just let him know in some way.that you are glad that his son is now following in his father's footsteps in the success he is having and that the example he has set is now bearing fruit. Do be very careful and steer clear of witty retorts as something like that would be very unwise.

Good advice here! Just remember, Ladytina, if you say something negative, the only person you'll hurt is your husband, not the one that you're really bothered about. Keep it in, and smile sweetly!

I agree with all the above comments . It must be such a relief for your husband that his once troublesome son is doing OK . He must sense your disapproval which may be why he keeps bringing it up .

Try to keep quiet!
You have to be so careful with stepchildren because if you do let rip your husband will turn against you. And that takes a lot of repairing.
I know that because it happened to me once and it's hard to admit that "blood is thicker than water."

Another point is that I think men admire things that other men do that women don't value so highly, so your husband maybe thinks of his son as a jackthelad .

I'm a step Mum too and I just grin and bear it annoying as it is time after time but always remember blood is much thicker than water!!

Grin,bear it and agree. That way he thinks he's kingpin and there's no room for argument, win/win!

you can spit out the bits of cracked teeth resulting from gritting them later!

This is most annoying. We have it in our family too. I always think that those who keep on praising someone is doing them no service at all. It only leads to resentment towards the person they are trying to big up. (Or at least that is how I feel)
SPF

Lots of wise words on here.

When you feel you're about to 'tell it as it is' then write it all down instead. No holds barred, call him for what he is.

Then burn it

It's very cathartic - I talk from exoerience.

I agree with most of what has been said ladytina42 .

I would probably just say something on the lines of "yes well, all of our children are equally special in their own way" and leave it there. If you say it every time he brags about the "perfect son" he might start to get the message that the sons big house, job etc. doesn't mean much to you.
A tough one . Good luck.

Been there, done that and after over twenty years it took a chat with my sister to finally realised that I am never ever going to "win" as she put it so why put yourself through the grief. I must say that I wished I had heard that advice many years ago (but she lived abroad). So now I just accept it and feel better for it. Doesn't work all of the time but it doesn't irritate so much now.

Ladytina I know it must be sickening but if your step son has sucessfully turned his life around after a shaky start, as a lot of young people do, I could see your hubby's reaction as one of surprise and welcome relief. however going on and on about it and not thinking about the achievements of the others is unfair.

Tigger I so agree with you. However maybe hubby sees through him too and is trying to come to terms with something in his son that he might be disappointed in/uncomfortable with. (Maybe the bragging or the lies ). Doesn't help much but might explain it.

Yeah, I think DH "protests too much." Sounds to me like he's trying to balance MSS' shortcomings in his mind by emphasizing his successes. It's very annoying that he does this out loud, of course, I know. But maybe he's also trying to convince you that MSS is ok, after all. So when you "snap back" with criticisms, it may just be making DH want all the more to prove to you that MSS has his good points.

So yeah, I think it's best to just keep quiet and maybe change the subject. As long as he doesn't do this in the earshot of his other kids or your son, it's not worth worrying about, IMO.

Think of it this way - why let the topic of MSS cause fights in your marriage? Better to let it go.

There is good advice on this board at the end of the day you won't win the argument and your DH will see you as the baddie blood is thicker than water so count to ten.

How hard for you to have such differences with close family. You have all my sympathy. Now that you have put this problem 'out loud' here I hope you begin to feel a bit better.
Rest assured that you will not be able to change the opinion of DH - just give him marks out of 10 for overall positives.
And keep smiling inside knowing you have lots of invisible support and sympathy from Gransnetters!

I too am part of a 'blended' family - met my partner when our 'children' were late teens/early 20's, twenty years ago, but it is still 'eggshells' on many fronts. There is much that is good, but also much that demands the diplomacy of a supreme diplomat. I have just learned to absent myself when I can no longer cope - to kitchen ( there is ALWAYS something else to do when endlessly catering for three meals a day for days on end - with Radio 4 for company) or a long period in the loo (with a book if necessary).
Deep breathing and imagining the blessed peace when they have all gone also helps.

Thanks all for your replies, I know you are right and it's just so lovely to get all this wonderful advice, my mother use to say silence is the greatest wisdom, so I shall just do that. The last couple of days DH has been very quiet on the 'big house, fantastic son' front and has been a delight over Christmas. We are planning our next house move ourselves, and now I am getting excited over that. Not, I might add, a 5 bed detached but a beautiful little bungalow with a great little garden. I do so love the community here on gransnet, so very wise.