No peace for the wicked!

Caller display is very useful in helping to decide what to answer and what to ignore.

MeggieMay, I do feel for you, and I hope that 2016 will bring you some peace, and a resolution to your DD's problems. (((hugs)))

MeggyMay Hold tight - not surprised you're feeling overwhelmed. Xx

I have a one way relationship with a friend - by this I mean I'm always there to listen but it's not always reciprocated. It p----s me off sometimes especially if I'm feeling needy and she isn't there for me especially as she has a better support system than I have now I'm widowed.

I communicate with my sons by e mail mostly and they only ring if there's an emergency. This makes me very anxious if I answer the phone and it's one of my sons as you can imagine.

I have Sky TV and most programmes are on replay or you can record them. The same applies to most TV providers, i.e Cable.

In my world it's family, friends, TV in order of importance, sounds a bit smug but there we are

I'm feeling swamped. My husband died just ten days ago after a long illness. My daughter's marriage collapsed just days before, and she and her wee ones have moved in with me. I'm sure I should be glad of the company but I'm not. The children are of course unsettled and I feel I have to stifle my emotions to keep things on an even keel for them. Loads of their things have taken over my space. What I really want to do now is do what I want. Life for years has been all about looking after my husband. Now I want time for me. DD's marriage was chaotic and now the chaos looms over my life. Feeling swamped.

Bless you. It is just an internet forum. Take from it what you will.

I'm not very assertive, Thatbags- it's true, and as Ana says, I'm obviously not doing enough to solve peoples' problems.
Anyway, I have taken note of your wise advice, and switched on my answer phone. I have also turned my mobile to silent, and disabled Skype for the time being. There is now a fair bit of bleeping and flashing going on, but I shall deal with that when I'm ready.
Last time I did this, the Police knocked on my door,as several people were kind enough to be concerned that they were unable to contact me,and rang the Old Bill!
In fairness, I guess that was because I'm a bit of an old crock and rather disabled, so I could have had my head in the gas oven - or even been watching mindless TV!
This has been fun, and I apologise if I have rattled anyone's cage - it was not intentional.

Chuckle ?

Do what I do....Don't bother answering the phone but keep in touch with them all on facebook. I have had a good old catch up with Sis-in-law this evening while ogling Poldark Aiden Turner, eating chocs and finishing a bottle of

I picked up on the Op being a good listener. And also about your wee moan. aye lol.

I'm sure the OP is a good listener, and a good friend too. But the solutions are so obvious.

Perhaps the OP is simply a good listener and not very assertive. I picked that up from the original post too.

If it was just one needy friend, I'd sympathise and understand the problem. But the OP seems to have several of them, all phoning her every single evening...and all moaning about their problems!

You are obviously not doing enough to solve their problems, OP!

As I saw it the OP was weary of certain people phoning when she wants to relax quietly by herself. As I see it, a person's allowed to feel weary of certain people's phone calls. That's why I suggested she unplug the phone when she doesn't want to deal with a wearisome friend. Friends do not have the right to disturb us at just any time. Or rather, one has the right to be private when one chooses without anyone taking offence.

And, also as I saw it, having a wee moan about something like this is okay too.

How did you see it thatbags?

I didn't interpret what the OP said in the same way as you have, greenock. I think other interpretations are valid.

But your whole thread makes out that phone calls are rude or intrusive. If you consider people to be rude by pointing out that your OP invited discussion then why post in the first place?

Yes, I agree, Thatbags - emails are a much less intrusive way to communicate - except for essential calls from the 'Minibags' in our lives.
I have one of those, but if I reveal her nickname, she might have to kill me.
I had never before considered that phones are rude, but I guess they are - just like a lot of people, really!

You have found enough time to watch the updates on your thread so instead of digging.... Just unplug. i can recommend "call the midwife" and "downton abbey". Glad I am not a "friend" who might interrupt your life.

I get where you're coming from, nannanoo, and I don't think you're being selfish. Just unplug when you want to watch a programme or when you don't want yet another earful from a problematic friend. I had a friend like that. She wore me down, though not on the phone, partly because there was nothing I could do to help. I felt very guilty about not wanting to hear any more and then I discovered that she'd worn out a whole series of people before me. Then I didn't feel so bad. I just felt normal.

There was an interesting thing about how rude phones are on an old QI progamme DH and I just watched. It was pointed out that telephones are really quite rude demanding one's attention whenever they feel like it (so to speak) with their shrill noises. For anything non-urgent, I think emails are much more polite because then the recipient can answer at their convenience.

I include requests for lifts from the station, and such like, from Minibags as urgent. I don't mean treble nine type urgent.

NOOOOOOO!!!!

OK - I'm in a hole - I'll stop digging now!

Really? Just unplug your phone. You are telling us how popular you are and you love it don't you?

You're right, nanakate - it's always lovely to hear from friends, and I am grateful for that, but continual calls for sympathy can be a bit wearing. It's the same few people and nothing ever changes - they just have a very hard life - or perceive that to be so. I don't think that I have ever telephoned anyone for a moan - I'm a very private person in that way and keep most of my troubles to myself.
I have a perfectly normal relationship with most of my other friends, and we call and chat now and again when it seems appropriate.
I certainly don't wish to sit and watch TV with never an interruption but sometimes, just sometimes it's nice to have a bit of peace.
Several people have commented, rather acidly, I felt, that I should be dam' grateful that anyone calls me, as there are others sitting there wishing that the 'phone would ring. If they would care to let me have their numbers, I will pass them on to my needy friends - in that way we shall all benefit!

What I mean is, we all need a bit of quiet time to ourselves maybe 20% of the time in order to be there for other people 80% of the time. Otherwise we get run ragged.

No, it's not selfish at all to want some time to yourself and a chance to relax.