Inheriting grannydom and paying it forward

I think that is going to be the trickiest one for me too JaxKerr! And not because they are not doing a good job ... just my enthusiasm and wanting to be 'useful.'

I feel I have learned so much in the past week!!!

I had a really positive relationship with my mum and I hope she didn't feel she had to bite her tongue too often, but I can see there is a fine balance between being helpful and being interfering.

For now, I am realising that because I was a single parent for many years, my household was very matriarchal and I was the 'fixer' - I do have to fight the instinct to problem solve ...

But I have so loved the posts on this thread - so much to look forward to!

Imperfect27 You will be Perfect27 if you manage to follow your mum as a grandparent completely but what a brilliant set of guidelines for Grannydom.
* was always available
* knew when to be silent
* knew when to speak out on matters that mattered
* celebrated me as a person, not just as a mum
* loved each of her grandchildren as individuals
* respected and supported me in front of my children, even if she sometimes didn't agree with all my methods
* unstintingly loved us all
I became a grandma a year ago and it has been an amazing experience even though I have 4 grown up young people myself. The biggest one of all of the above for me has been " knowing when to be silent ".
Of course every new set of parents wants to do it their own way and they forget that we brought them up! Its good to let them be modern and up to date, but sometimes its hard to keep quiet! But it is important to them that we respect their views. And a grandchild can then be a wonderful shared experience.
Enjoy!

Ah thank you for your lovely responses. I am missing my mum today ...

Mollie, my mum had to make it up as she went along too as her mother died when she was only eleven. My paternal GM died when I was only 4 so she had very little extra support, but she did brilliantly.

Lillie, even with this wonderful role model, /I feel very much that /I will have to learn as I go too, but if we start with loving kindness I figure it can't go too wrong overall!

Marmark1, how lovely you have sisters ... I was an only girl with 4 big brothers ... I have found sisterhood in being a mum and will no doubt do the same in grannyhood too ... I am really grateful for this site x

I too had a wonderful mother.There isn't a day goes by I don't think of her.
Us sisters do follow her example.We are a big family,and we see a lot of each other and get on well.Im very close to my sisters grandchildren,and they love mine,sadly one doesn't have any.

Imperfect, what a wonderful role model your mum was as a GM and the list of attributes is lovely. I'm going to copy it for myself. Sadly my mum died before her GC were born, but at the time I used to analyse how friends' mothers behaved towards them and now find myself trying to implement all the good findings. I can't "pay forward" for my own mum so just have to learn as I go and hope to get it right, and that's where GN is invaluable.

Hi Imperfect27, it's lovely to hear that you had such a loving and supportive mum as a model for your new role as granny. It really must help! I've been thinking about this since your first post yesterday and reading the comments about never really getting it right (damned if you do, damned if you don't etc.) and wondered why that is. I didn't really know my own grandparents from either side, they weren't involved in my childhood at all and certainly not around to support my parents. Poor mum had to make it all up as she went along. I think she was a better gran than a mum. After five years I'm beginning to realise that I can't actually live up to my own idea of the perfect gran - I just don't have the energy or the patience - and it makes me sad. I suppose if I can do my best and be 'there' when needed and not criticise or interfere unnecessarily then I won't be doing too bad.

Feeling sad today that my mum will never meet my beautiful new GS. By the by - I don't know HOW I thought I could 'prepare' for grannydom ... I am learning that I must wait and see how my role will evolve and I realise a lot of that is not of my making ... but /I am hopeful .

That's lovely imperfect
I had a mum like that, generous of her time and money. Advice only when it was asked for. Always there to listen.
My children never knew my dad or their paternal GP's I'm so glad they knew mum and that she met her great grandchildren.