Separate beds/rooms

GJ's "side by side" beds reminds me of when we were first married and had an attic flat in Maze Hill in SE London. It was"furnished" but with such tat we rapidly stashed as much as we could into a sort of box room/cupboard under the eaves and replaced it with cheap unpainted wood from John Lewis. However, beds,......before our bed (a wedding present) was delivered we had to use the two single beds provided in the flat. They had a habit of "drifting" apart (young love) in the night despite tying the bases together, so we laid the mattresses at right angles across the bases !!
On holiday in Germany and Austria we have often had 2 beds side by side with 2duvets. If there's one thing I hate it is the "gap" between the duvets!(Oh and the pillows which are never plump enough)

The people who have 'negative reactions' are the ones who are doing something wrong!
They should have more politeness and consideration for you.

SunnySusie I decamped to another bedroom when DH had health problems and I so enjoyed it that I didn't want to go back. It was a good excuse and I slept so much better. When we moved home my DH managed to wangle us back into one room sadly.
Nearly all my friends were envious of 'my own room' so it is really what very many of us prefer. A friend said she had done it years ago because she couldn't sleep due to her DH snoring and commented that it was either that or murder!
You say you " feel a bit hesitant about owning up to this" which makes it sound as if you feel caught out in something wrong. That is sad!
You are not doing anything wrong so shouldn't feel that way or that you have to offer any explanation at all.

I quite often move to another bedroom at some point in the night if I can't sleep, but we always start the night at least in the same bed!
I know of at least 3 friends who sleep in separate rooms (usually because of snoring issues - in one case they have to sleep on different floors - his snoring is so loud!). Whatever works for you I say!

Hi, thank you for all your comments they are much appreciated - I havent posted on a forum before and its really helpful.

Its good to know we are not the only ones who enjoy separate beds and/or rooms.

I do agree with lots of you that its up to us what we do in our own home and would absolutely defend our right to live how we wish, but the reality is we do feel a bit hesitant about owning up to this.

I dont think our friends are being critical exactly. Indeed one or two of the women have said they would love to do the same, but they dont think their partner would tolerate it even if they would both get a better nights sleep. It is just that there does seem to be a common assumption that separate rooms means a lesser relationship in some way.

For the record I actually think it has strengthened our marriage and removed a lot of the tensions caused by incompatible body clocks and chronic lack of sleep.

Separate room when I'm having problems sleeping. I really suffer if I do not get good quality sleep so I decamp to t'other room with a hot drink, copy of a Dickens and read myself into a stupor - I could not do that in 'our' room as it seems unfair to expect OH to sleep with me being restless, drinking cocoa and with a reading light on.

I see nothing peculiar about it....its just what we do. OH is not so troubled with sleep problems but he has returned the favour once or twice when troubled with a bad back and needed to sleep in an odd position.

DH and I share a room and I would hate not to do so but if one of us wakes up in the night we decamp to a spare room (strangely, not the one with a double bed but the one with singles ) so we can read without disturbing the other.

The big disadvantage is that the alarm clock is in our room so the person still in there has to make the morning tea as the other is usually still asleep.

As I have mentioned on here previously, my husband and I have had separate rooms for quite a few years now; I'm an owl and he's a lark so we were disturbing each other every night/morning. We each enjoy having our own space and we are both very open about our situation with friends and family. I have to say that the most frequent response we get is a tinge of envy and I can't think of a single negative comment, although we do occasionally get genuine enquiries about how we maintain our closeness and so on. When we go on holiday we usually share a bedroom and enjoy doing so, but it's always nice to go home and back to our own rooms. (He's messier than me and has to tidy his own room now.)

We have had separate bedrooms for several years now. Originally it was because when DH was working he was up at 3.30 am and in bed at 9.00 pm so we were having to undress in the dark (me) or get dressed in the dark (him). And he snores (as do I probably, but it never seemed to disturb DH's sleep), and I sleep very badly, getting up about 6-8 times a night to pee, and just generally tossing and turning. He wouldn't get a wink if he shared a room, never mind a bed, with me.
But it's nobody's business but ours. (And ginny puts it so well!)

Separate rooms for many years, with 'visiting rights'. Never given a thought to what anyone else thinks, and always been quite open about it. Both love having our own space to read, watch tv, whatever. My room is decorated and organised to my taste, so is DHs. When we go on holiday, we share a room with twin beds. It's quite a novelty, and although enjoyable for a few days, both of us are glad to get 'back to normal' when back home. Do whatever works for you! Most of my friends in their 60s have separate rooms. None of us would go back to sharing a room.

My (now ex) DH and I slept in separate rooms for many years, initially because he snored. The majority of our friends did the same, therefore I don't think you are in the minority, Susie. Sometimes when I watch house-hunting TV programmes, I suspect that they are reluctant to admit that they want two master bedrooms!
Having lived alone since divorcing 17 years ago, I can't ever imagine wanting to share my bed with anyone, let alone my home!

It seems to me that the most important thing is to get a good nights rest and if that means it has to be in separate bedrooms or separate beds as others here have said its no-ones business but your own. I think visitors should be more understanding when staying in someone else's home- I would invite them again.

It doesn't matter what any one else thinks. DH and I have slept in separate rooms for a few years now and wouldn't go back to sharing. The operative word is 'slept'. Not sharing a bed to sleep in does not mean there is no intimacy, do these people have no imagination ?

Yes we sleep in separate rooms and have done for about 6 years.

We both worked long hours and DH worked shifts, meaning super early starts and sleeping during the day. Best thing we ever did !

All our friends and family know , with no comment ( except maybe a few positive ones from envious friends). Quite frankly I don't care what they think. It works for DH and I and that's that .

I am currently sleeping in a separate bedroom. DH has a serious muscular problem in his left arm and can only sleep on his back with his arm on a pillow stretched over, what is usually my side of the bed.

But it is nobodies business but yours. But there are always people like this about. When I returned to work when my children reached school age I had a 'friend' who sat like a vulture on a fence waiting for my marriage to end because when she asked how I would manage with school holidays I said DH and I would share taking leave to be home with the children. Will he want to? was her response. mine was........

We cant police other peoples' thoughts.

Up to you whether you bother to change behaviour or not.

We have seperate beds/rooms, both are snorers! I moved out of the main room about 10 years ago, at the moment I have smallest bedroom (hopeful that son will be in his own place soon lol) so a bit cramped but best thing I did. I can now read when I want with no tutting because light is on, and don't have to have a heavy duvet all year round. I don't feel the cold, OH does.

My H and I have had separate rooms for a few years now and I feel it is nobodies concern but ours. It is my "me time". We are together all day everyday. I need that space.

Well yes, that's what I meant, side by side for reasons you state. 2 x 4ft beds together - fabulous 8ft bed - 2 separate mattresses, sheets and duvet!

I have a close friend who's been very happily married for 37 yrs. She was reluctant to tell me that her and her DH sleep in separate rooms due to his 'restless leg syndrome' she made a point of telling me that her and DH "visit" each other some nights. It was none of my business but that's the sort of friendship we have. I thought nothing of it.
DH and I start off sharing a bed every night but quiet often I wake in the morning to find he's taken himself off to the spare room as he's such a lousy sleeper.
Your life, your marriage, nobody else's business.

DH and I have twin beds but side by side so that we can hold hands or slip from one to the other if we want. We needed a new bed and decided on this combo rather than a king size when I was suffering badly from Restless Leg most nights and had inadvertently kicked DH several times. Although the RL is now a thing of the past we still like this set-up. Dh can have his blanket on high all night while I just have a brief heat up before bed. We have our separate duvets so no one gets the lions share and we can go to bed, get up or nip to the toilet at different times without disturbing each other and yet still be 'close'.

The separate beds have created harmony in what was once a nightly battle ground. I think a good night's sleep is more important than what anyone else thinks and after all there are 16 awake hours of the day and a choice of locations for kisses, cuddles and perhaps more

Please try to ignore negative reactions from other people. It is really none of their business whether you and your husband decide to sleep together or apart. If you are both happy with the situation then that is a good thing.

I still like to share a bed as I enjoy our cuddles but there are times when i feel separate beds would provide a better night's sleep! Personally I'm not sure I'd like separate rooms myself though, even if there was a spare room to use.

Indeed it is none of their business - what were the nature of these "negative reactions"? Darn cheek I say!

I share a bed with my OH, but it is an enormous bed with enough space for each to sprawl about. I would probably sleep better in another bed because of the tremor from which my OH suffers; but he (and I) need the warmth and closeness that sharing a bed brings, especially when he is unwell. But each couple should do what makes them happy and b****r what anyone else thinks!

Good grief, tell them to mind their own business!
We have slept in separate rooms for years because I'm a light sleeper and DH exists on 4 hours sleep AND he snores.......
It was that or divorce!

Hello, SunnySusie I think it's your own private business which room/bed you and DH sleep in.Don't change it because friends may comment on it.
If it suits the both of you, stick with it.?