Gransnet forums

Relationships

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |

When is it oversensitivity?

(30 Posts)
Add comment | Report
Marmark1 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:27:38

I think Mollie has it just right,much better than me.

Add comment | Report
Marmark1 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:24:53

With me personally,it would not only be what you were saying,also what I am hearing.Im very sensitive,far too sensitive,(my new year resolution was to try and not take things to heart) Maybe,for some reason,she is not feeling the genuineness of it.Theres usually a reason for things,don't you think?

Add comment | Report
TwiceAsNice Sun 24-Jan-16 09:20:31

Some people don't know how lucky they are I agree but she obviously isn't going to visit spontaneously that is down to her not the person who invites. I would suggest there is a set time offered every week so it's known when they are coming and then just see if the MIL will loosen up over time and visit more often, not much more you can do really

Add comment | Report
mollie Sun 24-Jan-16 09:20:12

I'm an 'invitation only' sort too. I couldn't 'just drop in' to save my life. I know it's annoying to people who are happily 'open house' but it's just the same as people who are tidy -v- untidy, on time -v- always late. There has to be a bit of give and take.

Maybe the 'visit any time' suggestion is well meant and very genuine but what about a compromise? How about your DD suggesting her MIL comes over for coffee on Wednesday around 10.30 to see the baby for example? Relaxed, nothing formal, but something more specific than 'any time'? It works for me and mine. MIL will probably bite your DD's hand off and maybe after a few such invitations will actually relax and just drop in.

Please don't think of your DD's MIL as being stand-offish, that's very likely the last thing she feels and is missing her grandchild dreadfully. If it's any help to understanding, the minute anyone says 'drop in any time' to me I go into full panic mode so the relaxed invitation works wonders.

Add comment | Report
Imperfect27 Sun 24-Jan-16 09:03:12

Just pondering the DD/MIL dynamic and interested to know how other MIL have dealt with early and continued visits to their GC.

I went to pains to invite my MIL round and involve her as much as my own M when baby number one arrived. I told her often that she was welcome to come 'any time' - to ring and if I was at home, to come round for coffee / lunch /etc. She never took up the open invitation. She made it known that she wanted a definite day / time to call. Beyond this she would not visit. I cannot say how frustrating this was to me. I am a very 'open' and relaxed person and I felt she was being unnecessarily standoffish.

Doubtless some of you will sympathise with her take on things and reiterate that she was trying to exercise sensitivity and ensure she did not impose. But I could not have said more loudly and more clearly 'You are welcome ANYTIME.' I really tried to show her that I regarded her as important family ans I wanted her to have every opportunity to enjoy her GC.

Now my DGS has arrived and my daughter's MIL seems to be adopting the same stance as my own MIL did. I suspect in time she may feel she is not as bonded with the new baby as she is with her own daughter's children - also very local to her. But my daughter wants her to be involved and wants her to feel truly welcome. Her own daughter has said in my hearing 'She is itching to come round, but needs an invite.' She has had several, but barely visited.

I truly want to understand what it is that makes people unable to hear, trust or accept an open invitation. I am alive to the sensitivities of not wanting to impose, but I think I cannot be alone (with my own DD as further proof, it would seem) in feeling sad because I could not have done more to involve my own MIL with her GC right from the start.

Page 2 of 2 | First | Previous | Next | Last
| Flip | Customise |