Trying to keep quiet re hyper DGS

It is so hard! I can identify with this and I am sure there are plenty of others who can too. I worked in a child guidance clinic at one time and the critical factor in so many problems was that the parents were not in accord about discipline and boundaries. It mattered more than what those boundaries and discipline decisions were - anything would do, as long as they presented a united front!

I had similar work experience to Luckygirl. So many children, usually boys, are labelled as hyper active. I accept that a small number of children may be so but I've yet to meet a hyper active child whose parents were united on discipline and house rules. The problem is the child knows s/he can push the boundaries and somebody will cave in, so push they do.
Do you think your DSIL is repeating his own childhood experience, or maybe being too lax because his parents were overly rigid. Do the parents read anything about parenting? There are some smashing books around…. Well done for keeping schtum but this is another of those areas where a sensitive, supportive discussion may help. It could also of course start WW3 only you can gauge that. Good luck.

Thank you both - I didn't think I'd be alone in this situation and it really helps to have feedback and suggestions.

Like lots of parents now it seems like they've read almost too much on child rearing rather than trust to instinct/common sense (certainly when DGS was a baby/toddler) which adds to the anxiety when things aren't going well (as must happen for most parents at times - got to ignore those who brag about their 'perfect' children!) I doubt DSIL's mother was too lax or too strict (but his father died when he was 13 and I know that had a deep effect on him). He finds it hard to discipline DCS even though he can see the effect and the stress it's causing my DD. At 51 he's older than his father was when he died of a heart attack so maybe he's afraid he might not be around to see his son grow up either (and he's over-weight). He has come around before and they've worked as a couple in getting DGS into a good, regular sleep pattern so I hope this will happen again. I was pleased to see that DGS had been banned from using an iPad (or perhaps only for restricted periods) as he would spend all day playing Angry Birds if allowed. This up and down, inconsistent parenting doesn't seem good for any of them but hopefully they'll work it out soon. I'll be here to support (I probably wasn't always consistent as a parent either but both my kids have become lovely adults so there's hope for DGS too!)