New partners

Talk about anything except that, I guess. You'll have a grandchild to talk about.

Agree with thatbags
........ rather awkward, but circumstances can change.

Goodness-seems reasonable to be a bit thrown by that......Good Luck. No advice.

This happened within my extended family and with friends too. Its all worked out in the end. I'd focus on the fact that you and your ex still love your children and now grandchild.
Incidentally in my family situation the two other exes got together as well which takes keeping it in the family to a whole new level!
17 years on everybody is happy.
Blended families............

Keep smiling and be gracious, it may not last! If it does, well you have to rise above it. You have a grandchild to love

I understand you feeling a bit put out but really she hasn't betrayed you at all as they were both free to be with whoever they like.
Your daughter and son-in-law probably feel "Those wacky oldies, what next." as they concentrate on their own lives with their new baby.
Rise above it, as previous posters have said.

Yes, good advice already given, and you really don't have a choice do you?

I think this is about acknowledging feelings. Divorce doesn't mean feelings no longer exist, it is a change of circumstances and each new change of circumstances may bring new feelings.

When my parents divorced, no other parties were involved, but when eventually they both started seeing someone else, both times it did feel like there was a shift in our family, even though they never met the new partners. One more step away for my parents from each other and another sign to us children our parents were moving in separate directions.

When my Mum decided to marry her new partner, I knew it would affect my Dad - and it did. Not in any bad way, but it was the sign that their marriage was truly over. They would never have reconciled, but until that time when one decided to remarry, it was like neither had made a commitment to another person. Each may well have found new partners, but marriage was a different story. I know it unsettled him and he was concerned enough to check out my prospective step-dad. He didn't know him, but they were both members of the same social club, so he could ask around about him.

Grannyben I think your feelings are understandable given your ex-husband started a relationship with someone else who is already part of your extended family, particularly as you'd become friends with the other GM. I don't know if you shared experiences of your marriages breaking down with the other GM when you were supporting her, but you may have shared things you now wish you hadn't.

It would have been nice if one or both (separately) had taken the time to tell you they were starting to see each other. But it sounds like that didn't happen and it might be that your children didn't know either, so everyone may be feeling a bit awkward right now. Or maybe they did know, either way they could be feeling awkward and unsettled.

What happens next really depends on whether or not you can get over how you feel right now towards the other GM. If she was a friend before, perhaps you could be again. You could also look at it this way - your ex-husband has chosen someone you like and is already part of the family. Imagine if he chose a stranger you or your family didn't like.

Your feelings are real and there's nothing wrong with them. You've shared them out loud on here. What happens next is what you do with them. I wish you well with your new GC and its new family.

Keep your dignity and rise above it.
It would be so very easy to upset your children and that must be avoided at all costs.
I know, it's easy for me to say, but please Grannyben, hang in there, smile pleasantly and, who knows, it may well blow over in a very short time.

Thank you so very much for your advice, I am so very grateful. Sometimes you just need someone independent to point out the obvious xx

Golly, that's tough. But perhaps they deserve each other and you can take comfort in the flaws each will bring to the union?

Grannyben you have my deepest sympathy.

There used to be places one simply didn't go but these days it's everyone out for him or herself and the devil take the high-most.

Nothing matters any more except one's own gratification it seems.

The days of morality and common decency are long gone.

I hope you can rise above it and enjoy your new grandchild.

Focus on that and on the fact that you are the better person.

Difficult, but not insurmountable - I know as I've been there too. 'Keeping it in the family' was taken to a whole new level in the family of a college friend, let's call him E. E's mother was his father's second (much younger) wife - 25 years younger. E's father had sons with his first wife, E's half brothers. Are you with me so far? In time, E's father died leaving E's mother a young(ish) widow. A couple of years later she married one of her stepsons - who, let's face it were much the same age as she was. That made E's half-brother his step-father, and E's mother was both step mother and wife to her new husband. There's nothing quite like families...

Oh god snowdrop, I do believe that we all deserve the chance to be happy and maybe E's mother and her new husband are but, I also feel that other people's feeling should be taken into consideration and sometimes there should be a line you just don't cross. The funny thing is, I've just found out that my ex husband and our son in laws mother are no longer together, her sister said she dumped him for someone with more money (that's her usual trick). A few days ago, through my daughter, she invited me round for coffee. I declined due to a genuine previous engagement but I didn't want to go anyway. When I eventually do see her I will be pleasant and polite, I would never do anything to upset my daughter or her husband but I really don't think she I someone I want to be friends with again

I do believe there is a line you don't cross, can understand you bring hurt, thank goodness the situation has resolved itself, it would have been so difficult for you had it not. I wouldn't be joining that woman for coffee, she is best just tolerated at family events. If she has now got someone with enough money for her it should have been champagne she was offering anyway.

I can understand your feelings, although you and he are divorced, but I suppose for the young couple it makes life much easier than if one or other of them, or both, brought in totally unknown partners to the family mix. These two are known quantities and they both love the young couple so there are no jealousies that new relationships can bring. Don't be hard on them if they appear to welcome this new situation, it just makes life easier all round.

Thank you for your comments, it's often so much easier to ask complete strangers for an honest opinion. I would mention however, Mollie, my daughter and s-i-l haven't welcomed the situation at all. Initially they made it clear that they weren't happy with the new relationship but obviously it is her dad and his mum so they are accepting of the situation

Sorry, Grannyben, I misread the last line of your OP and thought that meant they were happy with the situation. My mistake.