Off-loading Feelings about divorce

Thanks, Grannyknot, it surprised me how much it helped to clear my head at the time.

lyndy that's a very good suggestion (the letter). I'm sure that's very cathartic.

anya I don't think it's unhelpful to say that I believe an open forum is not the place to vent personal feelings about one's divorce. Plus I made an alternative suggestion - which is what joata asks for - anywhere "other than the internet". Feelings in general are a different matter.

I was in a very similar position Joata, about 10 years ago. My marriage was quite long (25 years) and had been very complicated in places. We are both very civil to each other when we meet now and ask after each other politely when we see the children, but I think even now, we would not agree about certain things that happened during the marriage. We would both have differing points of view and for the first year after he left I could get quite worked up thinking about how I would like to sit him down and talk things through with him, then I could get on with my new life. In the end, I found the best thing to do was to write a long letter to him, seal it in an envelope and set fire to it.

I agree this is a very safe site to let off steam on and I do think counselling would help, but I think that you will be surprised how much better you will start to feel soon. The first year is definitely the worst. Good luck.

Well, in a way I agree with Gk. I'm not at all sure I would want my private life to be the subject of a thread on GN. But that's just me.

Perhaps joata will come back.

That's not very helpful to the OP Grannyknot - did you really mean to tell her not to talk to others on GN about her feelings?

Why anyone would vent on a public forum is beyond me. So my advice would be don't.

It's tough when you have no one to confide in close by. I often Skype my best friend who lives in another country, and we put the world to rights just like we used to when we lived in the same town. Is that an option?

Anyway, unless Joata comes back on this thread, and feeds back and gives us more information we cannot advise her really.

She was offered the opportunity to vent on here and the offer is still open.

Sadly there isn't always someone conveniently laid on to pick us up when we need it. I think you will either have to do what others fighting loneliness do, ie joining classes/groups/volunteering, or just handle it quietly on your own. You know which way is for you. You just have to keep trying. Good luck.

Certainly not join a group of retirees who are only capable of 'gentle' exercise Jane

I think the OP is saying she has lots of close friends, but doesn't want to burden them with her feelings. In that case she has two options; deal with them herself or find someone to vent to.

I personally think we're far too likely, these days, to hang on to bad feelings and want to talk about them all the time. And perhaps we should try to deal with them ourselves, rather than ask others to try to take them on too.

You are correct that it's hard for others to deal with someone who is constantly harking on sbout the troubles in their lives. I do agree with you there.

I don't think I was assuming the Op was feeble. I was hoping that she was reasonably fit. Getting out into the fresh air and walking briskly keeps me sane.
Unfortunately not every one is a fit Grannie.
What do you suggest she does to combat her malaise ?

Where did that 'h' come from? That was to janeayre

haneayresister ....'gentle exercise groups' ...'people your age' ????

Why do you assume the OP is feeble, physically? Bring on the Zumba, Body Attack classes, if you want to let your feelings out!!

You need to get out. I hope that you are reasonably able as your GP will know of gentle exercise groups you can go to for retired people. Any exercise class during the day will be full of people your age.
There is voluntary work, especially on a Sunday which seems to be the loneliest day. There is HomeStart to be investigated which helps families with children under five. You just go for an hour and do the washing up for the harassed mother and get involved as little or as much as you like.
Come on..... Be a bit more proactive.
Re invent yourself. No one wants to be friendly with someone who feels sorry for them selves and moans a lot. So get out there and make the most of life.
Hopefully, in a few years you will think that your Dh leaving, did you a favour.
I know it is not easy X

Actually, seeing as only Jane replied to your post yesterday, perhaps it's not so great (((hugs)))

What's wrong with 'letting off steam' on the Internet? It's quite a useful medium joata

Is it worth seeing your GP and asking to be referred for counselling? Alternatively if you can afford it you could see a counsellor privately.Have you any friends you trust who have gone through a divorce? Or a trusted relative?
Wishing you well.

That's ! Not ?. Sorry. Dratted phone and fat fingers.

Feel free to do so right here! Maybe others have some helpful suggestions. I hope so anyway and hope that things settle down so you can get on with your new life. Good luck?