Unhappy DD (marriage) - do we interfere?

She may have left it for you to find, possibly she wants you to know but cannot tell you outright?

It might also have been left for her DH to find.

That's what I'm wondering, too, acanthus. But what if it were just left out by error? Or for SIL to find, not you?

That's why I still agree that you should say nothing, etc. Unless, maybe, you just start talking about marriage, one day, somehow, and see if she says anything. But choosing the time and the exact topic (problems in your own marriage when you were young, a general conversation or whatever) might be difficult. So maybe not.

Really, she's a grown woman and if she wants to talk to you about something, I'm sure she will.

Was it left out for you to find?

Thank you so much for all your thoughts. You have stated what I really feel deep down - to say nothing but to be prepared to support her if and when we are needed. I certainly would not let on that I had read her jottings - although perhaps subconsciously she left the notebook for just that reason!?
Who can really understand another's marriage? As long as the grandchildren are happy and not suffering any trauma then that's all we can ask for until such time as a break-up rears its ugly head. Thanks again for your sage words.

how upsetting for you acanthus! I too would have read it. Forewarned is for armed. I would say nothing, it might just be a blip on a low day.

But, you will be prepared with good advice should it be asked for!

x

It's a bit worrying that your grandchild had found the notebook and was scribbling in it. Imagine how much worse it would have been if your SIL had found it and read your DD's thoughts...

Ann is right. Masterly inactivity with a watchful eye.

"..we did half-heartedly voice some misgivings before the marriage" - I guess that this makes it hard for her to turn to you both. I am aware that this can be a hard place to be - we chose silence but it was hard, believe me, so I do understand. On the one hand you did not want to interfere, but on the other you love her and did not want to see her make a mistake.

I (like most people) would have found it impossible not to read it, so do not beat yourself up over that. You did not seek it out - she left it lying around.

She knows you are there for her - that is all you can do or be at this moment, as she might turn against you if she knows you have read it, and absolutely the last thing she needs is to cut off sources of support.

What a difficult job it is being a parent!

Just keep an eye open but keep quiet. If you feel she is trying to tell you, give her the opportunity but apart from that say nothing. I have been there.

I would have read it too !!
I would not say anything to your DD except maybe ask her if she is OK as she has not been looking herself? . Maybe she will open up to you but I would think she may be mortified to know you have read her private stuff.
When I was considering divorce as I was SO miserable in an unhappy marriage I kept diaries to write down things which were happening and how I felt . It kept me sane to offload onto paper at the time. I would have hated for anyone else to read my innermost thoughts .

Maybe it is not as bad as you think and she is very stressed out with the job/kids etc and things will blow over . Even more reason not to mention what you have read x

That must have been quite a shock for you acanthus.

I think all you can do is make sure she knows that you are there for them all 'no matter what'. For all you know she could have been having a really bad day or they could have had a really bad argument and she needed to let off steam. If it has all blown over she won't want you to know or for you to have been worried.

Try not to worry, although I know you will be looking out for small clues all the time for a while.

Very tricky, especially as you have discovered it in this way. (I'd have read it too).

I would sit on my hands.

Maybe they work things out.