Hello, I'm more of a forum lurker than anything else. I admire how chatty and confident you all sound. I've found a couple of recent threads about long term marriages and DHs driving you mad and separation so useful.
So, I'm in my early 60s, husband a year older. He's an odd man (aren't they all) who I'm not sure will ever really retire. He's quite driven, does a consultancy with a friend (which has earned zilch over the last year) and also does editing and journalistic work on a freelance basis. He has worked from home for some years and he obviously loves it, he's a real homey type.
We're in the process of selling our house. Neither of us get state pensions for another 3 years. He has a private pension which he won't take, he keeps hoping the business will pick up. We live thriftily on my small pension from a past work and some savings.
I've recently given up the part time job I did because I just couldn't cope any more. I suffer from anxiety and fatigue. Nothing diagnosable by the GP but I wonder if I have mild chronic fatigue.
The fact that I'm at home now too is something I am finding so stressful. I feel like he's always watching me though he says he isn't. He has done the typical male thing of doing all the driving, all the cooking unless I get to the kitchen first, doing the shopping and recently, to my horror, he did the ultimate of staring hard at something I had picked up off the shelf in the supermarket and replacing it with something else, cheaper!
There are a lot of arguments, which adds to my weariness. And he comes out with things he then denies like a comment recently about 'working his socks off' and wondering 'what I am going to be doing while he does that' . My attitude to the future is, to be honest, selling the house and retiring on the proceeds, to some extent anyway. I am so tired and I just want to rest. When I have more energy, I do think about finding some work when we move.
I got 6 weeks counselling from my GP recently and at the end, after I had spent a lot of time talking about what seems like, in short, a passive, aggressive, avoidant partner, the counsellor said (in response to me saying I just didn't know what to do) 'well, I wouldn't marry him on the basis of what you've said'.
Sorry for the long post. I just wondered if anyone had a moment to read it whether there were any ideas about how to begin untangling things. He's actually out on business for the day today and I feel a weight gone off my shoulders. I know he'll be difficult about a separation, I've tried to talk about the possibility and he always just says 'we can work it out'. For goodness sake, just writing this makes me feel like Helen in the Archers. Am I going mad or am I not being sympathetic enough about the business etc. He can be loving and sometimes he does listen which just adds to my confusion. Sigh. Oh yes, btw I have adult children self sufficiently living away from home, no grandchildren.
Fashion for short, overweight woman
Another silly little ABC game - shops we have loved and lost?