Rude son!

No one has the right to accuse someone of 'moaning' on a forum that supposedly offers support. Sometimes the written comments on here can be very harsh I feel. However, there were lots of supportive responses too.Rubylady, all our children have their off days x

Gave mine the option: treat this house with respect or find somewhere else to live. (He was 26 and still living at home!) He took the option, found a flat and suddenly realised what it was to pay rent, utilities, do his own washing etc.
He is now 40 with a home of his own, 2 young sons and has become a stickler for keeping things tidy!! Oh how the worm turns...!
Sorry to hear you have gone through so much rubylady. In spite perhaps, of not having as much support from your son as you would like, at least he is there with you.
Would've been horrible if you'd had to go through all that alone.
Keep strong and get well soon

Never mind. He will grow up. But I would be inclined to make a point or two to help him achieve a little consideration Just withdraw services that you provide.
Ouch, just read the treatment you had. I have the same to go thro in 10 days time.

I bought my son a student cookbook when he went to uni. Did he open it? Did he 'eck! He got himself a girlfriend and she cooked for him.

Jomarie Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like it may have done. I'm just glad he is better with you. It's not easy is it? And I have the whole wife thing to come yet.

NanaandGrampy I understand. I've tried to rise above his badish behaviour (like I said, he's been a lot better recently). I tend to ignore him, like you would do with a child who is having a tantrum. He will come out of it and in 4 months I will have a period of peace and quiet until his Christmas break.

The trouble is rubylady we've heard a lot about your son so we didn't necessarily realise you meant it as joke.

I'm glad that you are not phased by his rudeness . No need to keep it to yourself but it can be hard in a short post to know whether you want support , answers or a giggle.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

No rubylady he certainly doesn't worship me - hasn't done that since he was 4 years old but he's definitely more appreciative and I'm more than happy with that. His wife and I have an understanding now (I think) and she's becoming a very competent cook (with a very critical husband) and I am doing my utmost to be encouraging without being patronising - how hard is that? Life goes on.....

Wise words Jomarie I agree with you. He does tend to play up when I am feeling more incapable of doing things than when I am able. Which is a bit annoying because that is when I need the help more. But you are probably right. I do think he gets worried but won't say and deals with it by hiding away and trying to put some distance between us until I am better again. Trouble is, with my conditions, it is like a rollercoaster and I'm up and down all the time. Never mind, it will pass, I'm just very hard to deal with health wise, I know that.

I am glad that your son has seen the light and worships you now, you deserve it. His wife is just jealous, take no notice.

Jing Thank you for your constant support and understanding. You have been a great help to me through all the problems I have had with him and tend to get me with what I am saying, thank you.

Buy him the cookbook NOSH for when he does go awayRubylady-it's absolutely brilliant for students.
When my dear sister got married, her husband used to just drop his clothes on the bedroom floor at night and complain in the morning that they were creased-apparently his mother used to come in and hang them up for him-my sister soon got him used to hanging up his own clothes! Lol! They were v happily married for many years. . . .lol!

Yes. I think that could have a lot to do with it.

My eldest was a horrible guy until he left home and then he suddenly (six months down the line) thought I was great and my food was marvellous and he ate anything and everything I put before him. He's 45 now and still wants to come home for Christmas dinner! His wife isn't so keen but that's another story.......

September will be here very soon and then you'll miss him rubylady= but then you already know that don't you?

Part of his problem will probably be because he's having difficulty in dealing with the fact that you are so poorly - he can't mend you - so not helping you is a form of denial about your illness? I don't know, but it is possible.

for you

Jamila Thank you, very funny, cheered me up that did. I do get it.

As I have said before, he can cook, he can clean, he can wash up and clean his own clothes. He has been brought up to do jobs around the house since he was little. This is no shock to his system, asking him to help out. It was his washing I asked him to put on the line. He is capable and should be doing it. He just chose not to. Well, that's fine because he will have to sort it somehow.

I'm bleeding quite badly from the Lletz treatment I had two weeks ago for pre cancerous cells and have pain too so I'm not struggling to do it when he is healthy enough to do his own washing. He doesn't get away with much and he does help. He went to the shop last night for sanitary towels for me. So he is a gem at times, he's just having an off day and it was supposed to be lighthearted, not serious. I have grief and worries of my own, in tears most days at the moment. So please handle this bear with care.

Keep singing rubylady
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qISV2HaPpZU
(words are not that appropriate but never mind)

and sod the dirty socks

This was supposed to be a lighthearted thread! A jokey thread!

It was supposed to ease all the stress I have been under and have a laugh.

Actually, he hasn't been bad these last few months, a lot better than he was and has been brilliant over the time of me losing my dad. I'm certainly not thinking of putting him on the street. And Jane I am sorry for moaning about this boy again, but like I said it was supposed to be lighthearted. I will endeavour to keep my thought to myself in future!

I am sure that teens, boys too, go up and down in their moods, as I have found to be the case and this is just another mood swing. Gosh, I didn't expect to have such serious comments. I will leave it there and move on. Thank you to the comments of help and understanding but some are quite harsh and not what I need at this moment, at all!

Jing Thanks love.

rubylady I offered to teach my son a couple of cheap easy meals to prepare when he went to university, he replied that he didn't need to learn as he would be dining in the pub! He came back at half term saying my cooking was better than the pub and now is an excellent cook, he does a very good stir fry.

Is he in the middle of A level exams? If so give him some slack until his exams are over
I know he is usually difficult, but just doing something willingly like putting out the rubbish, taking his plate to the sink etc won't interfere with his 'A' levels too much. Just to show willing!

My DC were very awkward teenagers but have turned into lovely adults, I'm glad to say - just keep hoping [flower]

There are just the two of you rubylady and we have heard quite a few of the things your son has got up to and how he can make your life difficult. You clearly also have a close relationship and perhaps he has taken the easy way out by allowing himself to be "mothered/smothered" and in trying to establish a degree of independence is doing it the only way he knows, by having a teenage strop.
He needs to get away, to have more independence and more responsibility both for himself and responsibility for you. He is a young man and needs both the opportunity and the desire to develop his maturity.
His childish behaviour should not invite a similar level of behaviour from you, so no pranks, no revenge. I go along with the principle that to encourage adult behaviour you need to treat him like an adult. Am I right in thinking he is 18/19?
You need to establish a modus vivendi which is agreeable to both of you.

rubylady as jings says "think September"

mumofmadboys is right that you need to cut him some slack during exams but after that I would advocate 'no holds barred'. He will certainly appreciate you and everything you do for him once he is at uni and if things don't improve in the way he speaks to you and interacts with you the sanctions are all in your hands. No confrontation but a cessation would be my approach.

It is not going to be very long now so hang on in there!

I have a friend who has always seemed to me to be very close to her two grown up daughters. I have always felt rather envious of her being so close to them - they are always together. However, last week I was appalled to hear how one of her daughters spoke to her, with no retaliation from my friend. My daughter would never speak to me like that. Some of these younger folk are quite disrespectful to their parents.

I don't think it would be that asy to actually put your own son out on the street! Isn't Rubylady doing all she can by encouraging him to get off to uni in the Autumn?

Rubylady just keep thinking September.

I honestly believe that children are happier and feel better about themselves if they are given responsibility commensurate to their age. Sadly by the time they get to teenage it's a bit late to start expecting them to pull their weight when they're used to having things done for them. My children used to have the odd moan about doing chores and my stock answer was always to say they would thank me one day - and eventually that day did come.

Your son is not particularly unusual I'm afraid ruby, but it is very frustrating for you I'm sure. As mumofmadboys says - cut him some slack while he's doing his exams and then sit him down and give him 'the talk' and then follow through by NOT doing things for him that he could (should) do for himself.

Have some and a to make the day a bit brighter.

You're always moaning about this boy. Time you either sorted him out or put him out.

From rubylady's previous posts, it seems that this is his usual way of treating her.